Do men care about the number of men their current SO has been with?

November 18, 2014

If for a serious relationship - yes, I'd ask. I wish I did in my first marriage. If it's just a date, and my thinking is not long-term, I won't bother but if it escalates to next level, I'll ask. I'll want to know more.

I'd ask not because of competing in regards of numbers but more of her behavior, attitude towards relationship, values, things I wish I looked deep into before first marriage. It does make a difference, for me. I don't know about someone else. This is just my personal opinion as a man.

Problem is, most rarely speak truth because of fear of being labelled and ostracised by women or by guys. So you have to read between the lines, not go into things fast and give time to know the person.

November 18, 2014

I personally couldn't care-less. I would not even bring up the subject. It is personal, and the past: irrelevant now. Unless she brings it up.

November 18, 2014

I generally don't care unless the number is extremely high, if so I'd want to know why.

November 18, 2014

I think the better question to those men that care and wouldn't date a woman with a high sexual past is are those men:

a) low in sexual past themselves and would actually say no to casual sex (even if they had a chance to) because they find sex/intimacy meaningful or

b) are they the ones that already had casual sex and their share but when looking for a gf/wife suddenly act like entitled cops???

I don't know but being selective in partners and not sleeping around isn't a feminine quality (same as sleeping around isn't a masculine quality). To me, that's called being compatible in sexual values and morals.

I'll date guy A but want nothing to do with B types for the simple reason that I would want a man compatible in sexual past since I'm type A woman.

Edited November 18, 2014 by dragon_fly_7

November 18, 2014

For the people who have mentioned that they would not want to date a girl who has had plenty of partners, can you maybe elaborate why you wouldn't? Is it because you are insecure about her being sexually experienced, not liking what you are doing for her sexually vs another guy (the bigger her sample of men the more she might expect from you in terms of performance), worried about STDs, or just generally don't like the idea that a lot of d*cks other than yours have been in a p*ssy you would now consider "your own"?

not insecure , but it is more like this.... If you have something you really care about let us say a beautiful classic car. we polish it, keep it in the garage out of the weather, away from thief's ect... We rarely drive it but in good weather days. We baby it , show her off to our friends .

But we would never , i say never would let even one of our friends test drive her. because it has value, and you take care of it , and do not want just anyone driving it.

but you have a winter beater in the drive way , your friends can borrow it if need be . the only value it has is very little.

the same thing apply to a woman you love , value , and respect it hurts and when she has been shared with other guy's.

just my view point.

November 18, 2014

I feel like you get more sexual experience by having the same partner for a number of years, rather than several flings over the years. So numbers are irrelevant to me.

November 18, 2014

If you have a low number my concern would be that you are not highly sexual, adventurous, and have a low sex drive. That would mean we're not compatible. That turned out to be the case with my ex-wife and I found out too late.

But, it's obviously not a hard rule. Last year I had a relationship with a girl who was a virgin until she finished college at 23. She had only been with a few guys before me. We had sex on the 3rd date and pretty much every single time we saw each other after that. She turned out to have a high sex drive, although, her creativity and adventurousness in bed were still lacking.

I thought waiting until 23 was crazy but my current FWB waited until age 30! I'm not sure how these women are finding me. The first girl asked me out initially which is unusual. I asked the second girl out but she jumped on me when I tried to send her home with just a goodnight kiss. I'm only her 3rd partner but she's on a mission to make up for lost time. She's willing to try anything.

So, there is concern if you're inexperienced because it might mean your not very sexual. However, I would happily give you a chance in case you're just a late bloomer.

November 18, 2014

What's even a 'high number' for you? How many partners are too many?

I don' care with how many girls a man has been before,I just care about him being STD free and his values about relationships and faithfulness. I know many men only wanna date girls who had very few partners and therefore many girls lie. A guy in this thread said 'My girlfriend only had a few partners and I wouldn't

want to have it any different'. How do you know she's not lying? Most women I know who had a high number of partners lie if their current partner asks them. Just don't ask. The past doesn't matter. I'm 27 and I had 20 partners (first sex with 15)- If a guy didn't wanna date me for that I wouldn't care. I wouldn't even wanna date him for expecting me to have a low number.

November 18, 2014

guys...girls

Define what is a high number?

November 18, 2014

I don't really care. As a 54 year old man, I expect most women I'd date to have a number of partners, unless they were married for a significant period of time. Now admittedly, if they were nearing a couple of hundred I'd look askance, only because I'd be jealous and wonder where they found the time!

Seriously though, at this stage of the game it wouldn't matter. I just want to be treated well and loved, and I will do the same. What you did before matters very little.

November 18, 2014

For the people who have mentioned that they would not want to date a girl who has had plenty of partners, can you maybe elaborate why you wouldn't? Is it because you are insecure about her being sexually experienced, not liking what you are doing for her sexually vs another guy (the bigger her sample of men the more she might expect from you in terms of performance), worried about STDs, or just generally don't like the idea that a lot of d*cks other than yours have been in a p*ssy you would now consider "your own"?

Because for some men they see a woman with higher numbers as more likely to cheat. They are wrong but they sincerely do believe this.

November 18, 2014

Depends on the guy.

Most mature guys don't give a sh it. My best guy friends don't, and since I've not been with many it's not like they have cause to lie to me.

My ex husband did not like for a girl to have a low number because he thought it spoke to a different attitude with sex. He got over being my second though, when it was clear I did really love sex. So it wasn't a deal killer. We had serious convos about it though.

There are guys who care about too high or too low but who cares about those guys? It gives insight into their head. Not someone I would want to be with..., so immature.

Edited November 18, 2014 by isisisweeping

November 18, 2014

For some reason a lot of guys care. I really don't recall ever having asked anyone. I would say as long as mine was the bigger number then id be fine as otherwise it would make me a hypocrite.

I do think its easier for a woman to get sex and as they usually seem to have numbers significantly lower than me, at least the few that have brought up the conversation, then they must be more selective than I am.

The age range of woman I go for usually means a fairly low number as I always go for girls at least 5 years younger than me, usually less.

November 18, 2014

guys...girls

Define what is a high number?

i have been married now 31 years.

during our dating period my wife was a virgin.

my wife and i dated & , broke up for a year & half

we got back together & married. we got back together , she was not a virgin any more. during a 12 month period she was with 8 guys. she was 17,18 at that time.

ya it still hurts.

November 18, 2014

Of course. I would think highly of a woman with lower numbers than normal. Like many men, I have no interest in being with a woman who has slept around. If you have not, I would consider that a good thing, not bad.

Wow, if only women felt this way about men. It would be a better world.

November 18, 2014

Yeah I would care greatly about it. If a girl has had say half a dozen boyfriends by my age then fair enough. If she has accrued her number by casual sex, I would find that a complete turn off.

I'm 26 and my number is 2, it could have been more, but I have turned down maybe half a dozen unsolicited one night stand opportunities.

To me that kind of thing just seems empty. It takes me a while to decide if I even fancy someone, because I'm attracted to more than a body, I need to find out what the woman is like as a person first too.

Any kind of short-term fling/ one-nighter/ FWB type scenario seems pointless to me. I want to find a girl to fall in love with, and when it comes to the bedroom I want to make love to her, and kiss and caress every inch of her body. I wouldn't be that intimate with a woman I didn't care for.

The next woman I share a bed with will be one I feel crazy about, it will mean a lot to me. But if I'm guy number 30, what can I read into it? What does it mean on her end? If she's has sex with 29 guys before me, then it doesn't mean much at all, maybe she'll lay down for any decent looking guy if she's a bit bored, tipsy or frisky. That kind of impulsive, risky hedonistic streak isn't really what I want in a girlfriend. Sex obviously is just sex for her, which would mean a conflict in values.

Is insecurity a reason too? Being honest, yeah I guess so. I'm pretty average sized and average looking, but I would like to be the best she's had. If not then she'd be settling. Perhaps if she had an extensive number she'd be unfavourably comparing me to all the hotter guys who didn't actually give a fig about her as a person..

I prefer my friendships/relationships with people to be more meaningful, few and true if you will. I'd rather have two good friends than 1000+ facebook friends. That's the same with my love life. I'd like a girl who has the same outlook.

November 18, 2014

not insecure , but it is more like this.... If you have something you really care about let us say a beautiful classic car. we polish it, keep it in the garage out of the weather, away from thief's ect... We rarely drive it but in good weather days. We baby it , show her off to our friends .
But we would never , i say never would let even one of our friends test drive her. because it has value, and you take care of it , and do not want just anyone driving it.
but you have a winter beater in the drive way , your friends can borrow it if need be . the only value it has is very little.
the same thing apply to a woman you love , value , and respect it hurts and when she has been shared with other guy's.
just my view point.

Have you checked your timeline?? It's not like she's being "test-driven" by anyone after you get into a relationship with her (that would be equivalent to cheating, which is not OK). Also, she is not your property in the first place (though I get it's just a comparison, but it speaks volumes that you consider a woman as a mere object/possession).

November 18, 2014

Wow, if only women felt this way about men. It would be a better world.

If that were so, I think the human race would have died by now. Which only shows how hypocritical men can sometimes be...

November 18, 2014

Good to see the vast difference of opinion.

My take, I don't care what men think of other women and their numbers. At least, not anymore. If a woman cannot be comfortable with herself and her choices, she's already lost the battle. Now that does not mean, you should go out and sleep with tons of men for the hell of it.

I will say, I tend to place more value on actions as a whole. I have trouble with men who have had threesomes, men who have engaged with other women already in relationships, men who have cheated, men who have sought escorts/prostitutes, men who have engaged in swinging, etc.

But these are my limitations, of course.

November 18, 2014

The "higher numbers means she's gross" argument is based on irrational feelings of possessiveness and insecurity. Genitals do not change depending on your number of partners. They do change depending on your age and whether or not you've given birth, but they don't somehow get looser. They aren't dirty, either; women's organs have a self-cleaning system...how much cleaner can they be? Besides, it only takes one sexual encounter to have an STD. Is a girl who got herpes from her one and only sex partner "grosser" than a fully grown woman with 10 previous partners and no STDs?

It comes down to a man feeling like he wants to own her as fully as possible, period. And to the people saying "this is how men are and it will never ever ever change, deal with it", I feel sorry for you. Like it or not, the world is already changing and more cultures are accepting of women and their choices. I am sure there are millions of people who, over the years, said "too bad it's a double standard! It's always going to be this way!" and eventually gave way to change.

I'm 28. I've had 8 partners, all but one of whom were in the context of a committed relationship. I don't have STDs. Only one partner has ever asked me my number. No one else has felt a need to even bring it up.

November 18, 2014

Its interesting to see a decent amount of men here saying they would be turned off by a women with high numbers. Yet when a women says shes not into casual sex on other threads some men get snippy and say how women are withholding sex and "making it a gift"..Makes me think and as ive said that its a mind game to get the ones who are easy to put out and weed out the ONS women from the ones who would be considered actual GF material..

November 18, 2014

I find it funny how us guys are getting bashed & labeled as insecure & other things for having a personal preference. Like some have said, we can't change what we like & don't like. Why isn't it okay to not want a woman with a high amount of sexual partners?

November 18, 2014

The "higher numbers means she's gross" argument is based on irrational feelings of possessiveness and insecurity. Genitals do not change depending on your number of partners. They do change depending on your age and whether or not you've given birth, but they don't somehow get looser. They aren't dirty, either; women's organs have a self-cleaning system...how much cleaner can they be? Besides, it only takes one sexual encounter to have an STD. Is a girl who got herpes from her one and only sex partner "grosser" than a fully grown woman with 10 previous partners and no STDs?

It comes down to a man feeling like he wants to own her as fully as possible, period. And to the people saying "this is how men are and it will never ever ever change, deal with it", I feel sorry for you. Like it or not, the world is already changing and more cultures are accepting of women and their choices. I am sure there are millions of people who, over the years, said "too bad it's a double standard! It's always going to be this way!" and eventually gave way to change.

I'm 28. I've had 8 partners, all but one of whom were in the context of a committed relationship. I don't have STDs. Only one partner has ever asked me my number. No one else has felt a need to even bring it up.

It has to do with the guy feeling like the woman has been pumped & dumped by dozens of guys. A lot of men don't want to be with a woman that was used by dozens of guys just for sex. It's as simple as that. A lot of guys are turned off in terms of getting into a serious relationship with a woman that has given it up so easy to so many guys.

November 18, 2014

Its interesting to see a decent amount of men here saying they would be turned off by a women with high numbers. Yet when a women says shes not into casual sex on other threads some men get snippy and say how women are withholding sex and "making it a gift"..Makes me think and as ive said that its a mind game to get the ones who are easy to put out and weed out the ONS women from the ones who would be considered actual GF material..

Excellent point. Good observation. It seems that if you want a decent relationship make sure the woman have had lower sexual partners than you have as to make " you feel comfortable" but if you're in between relationships **** all you want with whoever you want.

Here's my theory; if you have had low sexual history, go with someone who has had a low sexual history. But if you have had a high sexual history go with someone who has had more sexual partners.

three years ago I made up for what I thought was a long time wasted with no sex. So once I opened Pandora's box, I went crazy and decided to sleep with many people. After all, my number at that time was only two, and I didn't want to be that "inexperienced girl". One guy that I slept with thought I was ashamedly inexperienced and told me so. When I went with a date not so while ago, he thought three years ago was recent, and was a little put off by the number of men I had slept with even though it was still under 10.

It seems a slutty person means different things to different people. Perhaps all it is an attitude. One guy was put off by me having sex, even though I hadn't had sex for 8 years. He thought me having sex in that window of opportunity was disgusting. Even though I had sex with less than 10. One guy thought I was too innocent and couldn't do the things he wanted to do with me even though he was selfish in bed and didn't want to fulfill my sexual desires.

The woman who has 100 people at her beck and call will get more sex but not necessarily more respect. I hadn't had many sexual partners at the time, but didn't get any respect mostly from the guy who probably was a misogynist and didn't believe woman deserved any respect.

Back in the day, if you were a virgin you were considered a prize but now if you're a virgin you're considered inexperienced and therefore bad, bad, bad.

oh how times have changed.

November 18, 2014

A lot of guys are turned off in terms of getting into a serious relationship with a woman that has given it up so easy to so many guys.

Thats fine long as those same guys haven't been nailing anything thats willing..

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Do men care about the number of men their current SO has been with?

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