Do men care about the number of men their current SO has been with?

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

Just curious

 

I haven't been with a lot of guys for a 31 year old. Well I don't think so anyway. Do you think men care if a woman has been with many partners?

 

I would be considered inexperienced in a lot of ways, and that is probably most likely to put men off is it? or turn them on? I know someone who claims to have slept with over 100. She is a very sexually aggressive and gorgeous woman. Most men would jump at the chance to sleep with her.

 

what's the sexual culture these days? sleep as many people and that equals to sexual desirability? I'm confused I need light to be shed.

[sagetalk]

Well, I can only speak for myself, but I care. It's not a question I would be very aggressive or quick to ask though. Depending on how high of numbers we are talking about, I think a lot of other men do as well.

[Strength in Healing]

Hell yes I and 90% of men care. High numbers = disgusting.

 

Call it a double standard, etc., but it is what it is. It really, really is, and it isn't going to change.

[BluEyeL]

For having sex with you, they don't care. For a serious relationship or marriage? Most of them do.

[shet]

Horses for courses. There are men, as in the now infamous 7 week breakup text that's going round the internet, for whom 3 is a deal breaker. There are those who don't ask. Even those who are turned on by large numbers.

 

In my extensive experience amongst men, it comes down to this; few men like their partner to be highly sexually experienced. It's always a gut punch to know. Some are better at putting on a brave face, or bull****ting about being grateful for it making them better in bed, or exploiting it as a means to appear laid back, but basically, they don't want more than single digits. This is why women always lowball and downplay.

 

My personal prejudice exposed, in my experience and to my understanding, most men don't get anywhere near the experience women do. I've long believed the old axiom that there are a small number of men shagging most of the women. As far as I can gather, every single one of the men I know have a handful of women in their past at best, mostly opposing their partners; even the couple guys married early to their first loves, their wives got a few in before meeting them. It's been a source of amusement to me since my teen years that the unthinking unseeing masses continue to believe men are the conquest seeking highly sexed gender. They're so wildly offbase it's unbelievable, and it's purely as a result of traditional male bluster and bravado vs traditional female holding of the tongue.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

Well, I can only speak for myself, but I care. It's not a question I would be very aggressive or quick to ask though. Depending on how high of numbers we are talking about, I think a lot of other men do as well.

 

What if the numbers were quite low? Would it matter then?

[NJ123]

Yep, a lot of men care. I do. I'm being honest & will say I would absolutely not want a serious relationship with a woman that has had tons of sexual partners in the past.

[fortyninethousand322]

I honestly don't want to know. There's just no good answer that will make me feel any better. If she's had a lot of sexual partners, it's very likely she won't like me very much since I'm very inexperienced (as in I've never had sex before). If she's had very few she's probably going to want to go out and experiment and thus not likely to stay with me.

 

I would just prefer not to know and not to tell.

[ThaWholigan]

A lot of men do care, on a visceral level it seems. Some, like myself, don't.

[J21]

Depends on the guy. Some guys don't give a damn and would sleep with anyone with a vagina. I'm sure those types of guys aren't gonna care if someone had 100 partners or 1, as long as they're getting some.

 

Me personally, I can't do that. I need to emotionally connect to sleep with them, so the numbers would matter to me. Would definitely not enter a relationship if someone had a lot of partners.

[NJ123]

Depends on the guy. Some guys don't give a damn and would sleep with anyone with a vagina. I'm sure those types of guys aren't gonna care if someone had 100 partners or 1, as long as they're getting some.

 

Me personally, I can't do that. I need to emotionally connect to sleep with them, so the numbers would matter to me. Would definitely not enter a relationship if someone had a lot of partners.

 

For just sleeping with someone most men likely don't give a ****. But if they want a serious relationship/marriage than yeah a lot of men are definitely going to have a problem with a woman sleeping with a lot of men previously to them.

[Woggle]

I don't care about numbers. I just care if she has a history of cheating or not and I practice what I preach on that subject. I would rather have a faithful woman who has been with 100 men than somebody who has been with two men including her ex and the man she cheated on him with.

[NoMoreJerks]

Just curious

 

I haven't been with a lot of guys for a 31 year old. Well I don't think so anyway. Do you think men care if a woman has been with many partners?

 

I would be considered inexperienced in a lot of ways, and that is probably most likely to put men off is it? or turn them on? I know someone who claims to have slept with over 100. She is a very sexually aggressive and gorgeous woman. Most men would jump at the chance to sleep with her.

 

what's the sexual culture these days? sleep as many people and that equals to sexual desirability? I'm confused I need light to be shed.

The men I've been with have not cared much, but then until the current relationship, they were also not really looking for more than a FWB. but the current guy (donno what to call what we have so far, i don't think it's a FWB) does not seem to care -- he agrees that it's hypocritical that men are not held up to that standard that women are held up to. We've talked about the number of partners, I've mentioned that I've been with several men including some one night stands, and he mentioned his experiences. I used to think it was a good idea to withhold that information when asked, i.e. not be truthful about the number and that some men were ONS, but i have decided that honesty is the best policy and men who judge and who are hypocrites should stay away from me in the first place.

[NoMoreJerks]

For the people who have mentioned that they would not want to date a girl who has had plenty of partners, can you maybe elaborate why you wouldn't? Is it because you are insecure about her being sexually experienced, not liking what you are doing for her sexually vs another guy (the bigger her sample of men the more she might expect from you in terms of performance), worried about STDs, or just generally don't like the idea that a lot of d*cks other than yours have been in a p*ssy you would now consider "your own"?

[CatalystNX]

Personally, no. Not unless it's a really, really big number of guys she's been with, but even then it wouldn't necessarily be a deal breaker.

[somedude81]

Yeah I care.

 

To me a woman who has a low number of partners shows that she is selective who she sleeps with and values sex and intimacy.

 

If a woman under 25 has been with 5 or less guys, I would like to know her number because it will make me feel better about her.

 

If she's been with more than 5, I would rather not know.

[Chemist]

In my experience, it differs from person to person.

 

I have been with 8 girls, my ex gf 4 men. She called me disgusting when we talked about our history. I felt like the numbers were practically the same on the whole scheme of things. Especially since I know men in the 50s for their count, and women who I know is damn well over 16 in our time of being friends but probably a lot more before she came into my life.

 

In the end, it shouldn't matter. It's not like genitalia go bad (baring STDs) and what does it matter between 40 partners, 1 night each vs the same huge cock plowing your now gf 1000 nights over 4 years? I mean seriously, it is just a jealousy/insecurity issue.

 

However, with my experience, it's best not to talk about it, or lie through your ****ing teeth. I prefer the former, because lieing sucks. I just tell them it's not good to talk about now. And frankly, I don't want to know. All I want to know, is that she loves me and only me.

[Emilia]

A lot of men do care, on a visceral level it seems. Some, like myself, don't.

 

I don't care about numbers. I just care if she has a history of cheating or not and I practice what I preach on that subject. I would rather have a faithful woman who has been with 100 men than somebody who has been with two men including her ex and the man she cheated on him with.

Quite. I've never had a guy ask my number and even if he had I would not have responded. I prefer to be with confident men. A lot of the judgement behind this is by those who feel they have not done well with women and think this is some kind of a competition. It's not about appreciating a 'low number' it's more about not wanting hers to be higher than his thus confirming his lack of success.

[nofeelings22]

Most guys do care. I think of it the other way around. I prefer a girl with some experience. I like her to know what she's doing.

[ltjg45]

Personally, I don't care about the number of guys she has slept with. However, what I am concerned with is whether these guys is just jerks in general or whether she has any STDs.

 

As long as I don't have to deal with ex-BF drama or any medical issues, the rest doesn't matter. Obviously, if I do have to deal with any of that, then that is a deal breaker.

[Shepp]

I clearly don't, some guys are insecure about it.

 

 

I can't say I really understand why its a big deal - but for some guys it is, just like everyone puts a different importance on height, career, intelligence, humour, money, looks, class, offspring, location and whatever else

 

 

My wifes been with a lot of guys, but I've never cared about being her 1st or 5th, 10th, 22nd, whatever - I only care about being her last!

[Shining One]

I don't care about her numbers in general, but context matters. If she's in the triple digits to support her drug habit, then that's a deal breaker. If her number is high because of lack of relationship success (like me), then it's only natural. I can hardly expect her to hold back on opportunities I would take myself.

[Diezel]

I don't care, as in... I don't want to know.

I'll never ask any SO of mine about her sexual past, amount of times, etc, etc, etc...

 

That's Pandora's box waiting to happen. Except there is no "hope" at the end.

[Els]

The very easy answer is that some do and some don't.

 

IMO it doesn't really matter anyway, because the ones who are truly compatible with you will prefer whatever you have. As for the double standards, if you don't like it, don't date hypocritical men. Aside from the double standard evident here, I would also consider a man who absolutely must have sex early on but judges a woman for a high number to be a hypocrite. Wanting to have one's cake and eating it too, is very unattractive.

[random33]

As long as there is no history of cheating, I really don't care about the number of partners, although I believe I would not be compatible with a women that had a huge number of partners, specially in terms of personality, most if not all of my partners were more experienced than me, but kept the number of partners in the single digit's or low 10's