allycat99 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Met someone I have undeniable chemistry with. In fact, was in his presence when married but intentionally stayed away until I started divorce process. When I see him, he is so sweet and affectionate with me, I have never felt this much chemistry before. He knows I am "in to him" but I seem to be the one always reaching out - are men really worried that when you are separated you are not really available? Not sure how to proceed. Any suggestions appreciated!
Tayken Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Met someone I have undeniable chemistry with. In fact, was in his presence when married but intentionally stayed away until I started divorce process. When I see him, he is so sweet and affectionate with me, I have never felt this much chemistry before. He knows I am "in to him" but I seem to be the one always reaching out - are men really worried that when you are separated you are not really available? Not sure how to proceed. Any suggestions appreciated! 1. You were married and seeing this guy? 2. You are in the middle of a divorce currently and already dating? Hmmm 3. Of course he is going to be sweet with you because he knows you are vulnerable 4. No...men are not "worried" at all. Some of us know for sure that we don't really want to get caught up in the divorce process drama especially when we've been through a divorce ourselves. We also know that you aren't thinking rationally during a divorce, but you are trying to convince yourself that you are ready. 5. The average person needs 2yrs minimum before they are ready to start dating again i.e. let the stamp dry first otherwise you are going to find yourself going through men like a revolving door.
kjohn Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 OP said she "was in his presence" when she was married, but stayed away. It doesn't sound like she was dating him while she was married, she was just among the same group of people that he was. My BF and I met when I was in the middle of my divorce. I later asked him if he had any reservations about asking me out since my divorce was not final at the time. He said that he did not because his thought at the time was that it was just a date. He did not know that we would connect so much so quickly. Now, from my own personal experience I will tell you that if I had it to do over again, I would have waited much longer before starting to date. Mind you, I had NO INTENTION of dating when I met my BF. His asking me for my number left me speechless because I was not expecting it and I only went on the date because my friends encouraged me to. I don't regret meeting my BF, but the first couple of years of our relationship were rocky due, in large part, to MY OWN trust issues and insecurities left to me as a parting gift from my divorce and the fact that my ex cheated. Thankfully my BF had the patience to stick with me as I worked through those issues, but I would highly recommend you working on any issues you might have before putting yourself out there to date. The chances of you getting into a healthy, stable relationship are much greater if you are a healthy stable individual first.
PegNosePete Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 are men really worried that when you are separated you are not really available? Dating a separated person is a very high-risk and potentially drama-filled investment. I wouldn't necessarily say "worried", but "cautious".
Tayken Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 OP said she "was in his presence" when she was married, but stayed away. It doesn't sound like she was dating him while she was married, she was just among the same group of people that he was. My BF and I met when I was in the middle of my divorce. I later asked him if he had any reservations about asking me out since my divorce was not final at the time. He said that he did not because his thought at the time was that it was just a date. He did not know that we would connect so much so quickly. Now, from my own personal experience I will tell you that if I had it to do over again, I would have waited much longer before starting to date. Mind you, I had NO INTENTION of dating when I met my BF. His asking me for my number left me speechless because I was not expecting it and I only went on the date because my friends encouraged me to. I don't regret meeting my BF, but the first couple of years of our relationship were rocky due, in large part, to MY OWN trust issues and insecurities left to me as a parting gift from my divorce and the fact that my ex cheated. Thankfully my BF had the patience to stick with me as I worked through those issues, but I would highly recommend you working on any issues you might have before putting yourself out there to date. The chances of you getting into a healthy, stable relationship are much greater if you are a healthy stable individual first. This comment explains why you are taking the stance. Just because you did the same doesn't make it alright. Some people just need to learn to be on their own, and stop rushing into relationship because they are scared of being alone i.e. a rebound and no time collect their thoughts from lessons learned.
preraph Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 If you're the separated one, you just need to be sure you're emotionally available and ready for a new man and finished with most of the forensics on the breakup. I've dated more than one separated man and it does make it harder because they're still seeing their spouse and a couple of the ones I've talked to even admitted they couldn't even imagine never sleeping with their ex ever again. I think that's mainly a guy thing. It's hard because they have business and they nearly always get back together at least once before they call it quits. So when dating separated, find out if they've already gotten back together since the separation and if he/she is really sure they're done. Then they get all sentimental when they divide stuff up and if either spouse is angling to get back together, which is often the case, these occasions will be used to prolong contact and derail new relationships with manipulating and no one knows how to do it better than the freshly separated ex or has less compunction about doing it. Lots of people do the rebound thing and whoever is during the separation isn't a keeper, but it's not true that that always happens. I've known guys go right from the kettle into the fire, and women too. It's the types who can't stand to be alone who do that mostly.
Recommended Posts