Not Attracted to HIM. FML

[blue_jay_bird]

Okay so I ended a relationship with a guy I was dating for four months.

He was cold, never really said kind things, ext.. But very very attractive.

 

A man that I go with to school found out about the break-up and has asked me out. I could talk with him for hours, great connection but; I really don't find him attractive.

 

He's really into me and its becoming a bit much, because I'm not sure if I can give him want he wants.

 

I did end up going on a date with a good night kiss and;

 

I just felt so not turned on, It wasn't like it was a bad kiss.. just...since I think about how physically well me and my ex just melted together.

 

What do I do? It was a bad idea to go on a date so soon. I'm thinking of telling him;

 

Think is all to much especially since I just ended a relationship. We should not do the physical stuff.

 

But really how long can I keep that up.

 

Have you ever dated someone you physically did not find attractive? Should I try? I'm trying.... but keep thinking, if he was just sexy. What type of relationship can come from that?

 

WHAT DO I SAY TOO HIM?

 

I like you but I'm not attracted to you is not a option. WHAT SHOULD I SAY?

[preraph]

Well, it's kind of soon after the other breakup. That's not always bad, but it can be bad. And if you're not attracted to him physically and kissing didn't warm you up, then to me, that's pretty much it. I mean, all those things you described liking about him, you'd also like about a girlfriend. Not all relationships between men and women can be sexual, no matter how much one party wishes it were so. You need to hang in there for the good one who is attractive enough and good to you as well.

[Mangina]

All of my girlfriends have been overweight girls. At first I was not attracted to them but after getting to know them I was able to look past their heavy appearance. i love with the way my last girlfriend talk to me and the things she did for me. their is no better feeling than being loved. Is it all physical or is it some thing about his personality? Is there any thing he can do to become more attractive? a haircut or clothes or even plastic surgery?

[J21]

No stop wasting his time. Stop wasting yours. Physical attraction is there or it isn't. You seem kinda guilty about it, but it's not anyone's fault if the attraction is not there for you.

 

While you are dating him, you're missing out on someone you *can* have the hots for. That'll just eat ya up and make you feel even more guilty.

 

Better to nip this one in the bud and move on cuz it's not gonna get easier the longer your prolong it.

[venusishername]

 

Have you ever dated someone you physically did not find attractive? Should I try? I'm trying.... but keep thinking, if he was just sexy. What type of relationship can come from that?

 

WHAT DO I SAY TOO HIM?

 

I like you but I'm not attracted to you is not a option. WHAT SHOULD I SAY?

 

Yes, I dated a great guy on and off for over a year who I was not physically attracted to but was attracted to in other ways. I wanted to give him a fair chance because I really did enjoy spending time with him and was intellectually and emotionally attracted to him and he's a great man. Eventually he made it clear he wanted something more with me and I had to be honest and tell him that I wasn't interested in that. I had to pull the friend card.

I think I said something like 'You are a great guy but I think we are a better match as friends.' He will be hurt but he'll respect you for being honest.

Physical attraction is very important (but not everything of course). However, that's pretty damn important. If I'm dating someone I want to always feel like jumping his bones. Otherwise isn't it just a friendship?

 

 

You can have immense sexual attraction and have a real relationship; it doesn't equate superficial. It's a matter of all the attraction being at the same level, physical, mental, emotional.

[xxoo]

I like you but I'm not attracted to you is not a option. WHAT SHOULD I SAY?

 

Why isn't that an option?

 

I like you a lot, but I'm not attracted to you in a romantic way. I see you strictly as a friend.

[blue_jay_bird]

He's a little overweight. And yeah coming on very strong (I really really like you)

 

It's coming off as insecure cause well, he's completely shocked that i'm dating him.

 

How can I discuss this with him.

 

1) Coming on too strong, planing christmas dates, ext.

 

2) Physically, making out was a little pushy on his part. I didn't feel it. (no burn in my pants)

 

Its just not the same feeling I had when I became physical with my ex. It felt natural. I'm just not excited with the idea of running my hands up and down him. My hands are locked in the around his shoulder, one on back.

 

I didn't know it would be so bad. I mean I thought, hey he is ****ing awesome... I'll want him, right. When you don't really want to touch someone, I mean this can't work out?

 

What are words I can say to him?

[venusishername]

 

I didn't know it would be so bad. I mean I thought, hey he is ****ing awesome... I'll want him, right. When you don't really want to touch someone, I mean this can't work out?

 

What are words I can say to him?

 

No, it can't work out! Go find a hot sexy guy you can't wait to get naked. Life's too short!

 

 

We are telling you the words to say. "I like you but I think we'd be better off friends."

[Leigh 87]

I need to feel I natural attraction and chemistry that is fairly instant.

 

Honestly, it isn't very likely that you will find a long term partner who is crazy about you and who is a loyal and loving man, that you also feel strong Chemistry for. .....

 

it's slim pickings out there unless you're a super model.

 

You can either settle for a guy like this one, as men like him who adore you yet who you're not into sexually are the only men who love and adore us.

 

Or, you can remain single and have short lived lovers who you are actually into.

 

It is rare to find a man who you have ample natural Chemistry with and yet wwho also adores you and offers you loyalty and true love.....

[Adele0908]

I have been precisely in your situation, TWICE.

 

First, the man you broke up with out of frustration is probably someone you should keep around and still see sometimes.

 

Those type of relationships are a possible sign that you need to raise your feminine magnetism and attractiveness. There are plenty of books and blogs that talk about how to do this.

 

This other guy, is just a friend, and I don't think that you should force yourself to be with him. Just allow him to do for you what he wants to do.

 

Just let him know that you don't want a relationship with him, but that you appreciate how supportive, funny, and cool he is.

 

Always be appreciative and grateful.

 

And work on increasing your magnetism. You will naturally be more magnetic when you are appreciative and sharing good times with your male friend along with your other friends. You will find that more men will be attracted to you, and many of them will be men who you also find attractive.

[Leigh 87]

No, it can't work out! Go find a hot sexy guy you can't wait to get naked. Life's too short!

 

 

We are telling you the words to say. "I like you but I think we'd be better off friends."

 

Except those sort of men who generate chemistry are either already partnered up with women who are there equivalent or higher ( model look alike who are interesting and clever)

 

or, such men only want flings with regular looking women until the right woman comes along....

 

come off it, most of us will not find a hot and sexy partner who actually adores us and wants something long term with us.

[venusishername]

Except those sort of men who generate chemistry are either already partnered up with women who are there equivalent or higher ( model look alike who are interesting and clever)

 

or, such men only want flings with regular looking women until the right woman comes along....

 

come off it, most of us will not find a hot and sexy partner who actually adores us and wants something long term with us.

 

Really?

I'm not saying he has to look like a god or anything, but I mean go find someone you are really physically attracted to. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyway.

[blue_jay_bird]

I have been precisely in your situation, TWICE.

 

First, the man you broke up with out of frustration is probably someone you should keep around and still see sometimes.

 

Those type of relationships are a possible sign that you need to raise your feminine magnetism and attractiveness. There are plenty of books and blogs that talk about how to do this.

 

This other guy, is just a friend, and I don't think that you should force yourself to be with him. Just allow him to do for you what he wants to do.

 

Just let him know that you don't want a relationship with him, but that you appreciate how supportive, funny, and cool he is.

 

Always be appreciative and grateful.

 

And work on increasing your magnetism. You will naturally be more magnetic when you are appreciative and sharing good times with your male friend along with your other friends. You will find that more men will be attracted to you, and many of them will be men who you also find attractive.

 

I don't mean to toot my own horn. But feminine magnetism and attractiveness, I have no problem with.

 

Hence, why it was easy to get my ex, the "i'm so sexy, I don't care man."

 

Which resulted in me falling into the arms of a "I'v got a great personality, I'm going to try really hard man."

 

Pretty simple right.

 

Should I dump this new guy? I should talk to him about it. Just..... won't I crush him if I bring up are different leaves of attractiveness. And aren't I just messing with him, if I know deep down I want more.

 

Can I really say, I'm not attracted to you?

[Standard-Fare]

I don't think it's very kind to just flat-out say "I'm not attracted to you" or "I don't find you attractive." Think about how you'd feel if someone said that to you in those blunt terms.

 

A better way to phrase that is, "I like you a lot, but I don't think we have any romantic chemistry. I feel more of a friend vibe with you." But if you do, in fact, carry on a friendship with him, be very careful not to lead him on and give him false hope.

[Adele0908]

I don't mean to toot my own horn. But feminine magnetism and attractiveness, I have no problem with.

 

Hence, why it was easy to get my ex, the "i'm so sexy, I don't care man."

 

Which resulted in me falling into the arms of a "I'v got a great personality, I'm going to try really hard man."

 

Pretty simple right.

 

Should I dump this new guy? I should talk to him about it. Just..... won't I crush him if I bring up are different leaves of attractiveness. And aren't I just messing with him, if I know deep down I want more.

 

Can I really say, I'm not attracted to you?

 

Are you with the man you are attracted to, or not?

[xxoo]

I don't mean to toot my own horn. But feminine magnetism and attractiveness, I have no problem with.

 

Hence, why it was easy to get my ex, the "i'm so sexy, I don't care man."

 

Which resulted in me falling into the arms of a "I'v got a great personality, I'm going to try really hard man."

 

Pretty simple right.

 

Should I dump this new guy? I should talk to him about it. Just..... won't I crush him if I bring up are different leaves of attractiveness. And aren't I just messing with him, if I know deep down I want more.

 

Can I really say, I'm not attracted to you?

 

Saying "I don't feel romantic attraction for you, even though I wish I did" isn't saying "you aren't attractive".

 

About the other guy, what drew you to a guy who is cold? Is that a pattern for you? That's not really "getting" the guy.

[preraph]

I don't mean to toot my own horn. But feminine magnetism and attractiveness, I have no problem with.

 

Hence, why it was easy to get my ex, the "i'm so sexy, I don't care man."

 

Which resulted in me falling into the arms of a "I'v got a great personality, I'm going to try really hard man."

 

Pretty simple right.

 

Should I dump this new guy? I should talk to him about it. Just..... won't I crush him if I bring up are different leaves of attractiveness. And aren't I just messing with him, if I know deep down I want more.

 

Can I really say, I'm not attracted to you?

 

Just tell him he's the right person for someone, but that you simply don't feel the chemistry with him. Do NOT give him any hope for the future by saying "it's too soon after the breakup" or "right now" or he'll hang on forever. And if you know anyone who might be interested in him, the best thing is to introduce them and. So think who might find him attractive enough and you can check with her, then break it off, and end with "but I want to set you up with a friend of mine."

[blue_jay_bird]

Saying "I don't feel romantic attraction for you, even though I wish I did" isn't saying "you aren't attractive".

 

About the other guy, what drew you to a guy who is cold? Is that a pattern for you? That's not really "getting" the guy.

 

 

 

And my pattern of dating is trying to figure out my pattern of dating. No something that can be solved over a message board.

 

 

BUT

 

Maybe I can figure out this situation.

 

But what if the sex is good?

 

I mean okay, right now, I'm not burning in my patties. Can this grow?

 

I guess I have to tell him the line "I don't feel romantic attraction for you, even though I wish I did" is just a very wordy version of "you aren't attractive."

[xxoo]

If the kiss didn't do it, I don't think it will grow. You know him well enough already.

 

I guess I have to tell him the line "I don't feel romantic attraction for you, even though I wish I did" is just a very wordy version of "you aren't attractive."

 

I disagree. Hopefully he is worldly enough to understand that your romantic ambivalence doesn't mean he is unattractive in general.

[Standard-Fare]

And my pattern of dating is trying to figure out my pattern of dating. No something that can be solved over a message board.

 

 

BUT

 

Maybe I can figure out this situation.

 

But what if the sex is good?

 

I mean okay, right now, I'm not burning in my patties. Can this grow?

 

I guess I have to tell him the line "I don't feel romantic attraction for you, even though I wish I did" is just a very wordy version of "you aren't attractive."

 

I think that still reads as a put-down/insult. It's easier to try to make the blame a shared thing, whether or not that's accurate. "WE don't really have much chemistry" etc.

 

Once an old friend of mine made a drunken pass at me, and I was like "Come on, we both know that's not a good idea. You know we'd have terrible sex." And we both started laughing. We had a relationship where that was cool. But also, the fact of my SAYING that seemed to ensure our signals wouldn't get crossed.

[Orson Cart]

Speaking as an unnatractive man and having been in this situation before, it's going to destroy him if you tell him you don't find him attractive. Be firm with him but reassuring, remind him of how great a guy he is and how much you like him as a friend but make sure you crush any hope he has of being your boyfriend in the future - it sounds cruel but it will be much kinder on him in the long run.

 

Whatever you say to him he's probably going to need to keep away from you for a while to get over his hurt feelings, especially if you start seeing other guys, so don't be offended if you don't see him for a bit.

[FitChick]

If he lost the weight would you find him more attractive?

[stillafool]

I don't mean to toot my own horn. But feminine magnetism and attractiveness, I have no problem with.

 

Hence, why it was easy to get my ex, the "i'm so sexy, I don't care man."

 

Which resulted in me falling into the arms of a "I'v got a great personality, I'm going to try really hard man."

 

Pretty simple right.

 

Should I dump this new guy? I should talk to him about it. Just..... won't I crush him if I bring up are different leaves of attractiveness. And aren't I just messing with him, if I know deep down I want more.

 

Can I really say, I'm not attracted to you?

 

No say you don't feel a romantic connection so you think you two would be better off as friends. There is nothing wrong with being honest. Don't waste his or your time. Since you think you are attractive just wait for a guy who you are attracted asks you out. Don't rush it.

[LilKimmy]

Just tell him you realized you are not over your ex-boyfriend and do not want to pursue a relationship with him.

 

No need to take a stab at his self esteem by commenting on his looks on the way out.

 

 

Okay so I ended a relationship with a guy I was dating for four months.

He was cold, never really said kind things, ext.. But very very attractive.

 

A man that I go with to school found out about the break-up and has asked me out. I could talk with him for hours, great connection but; I really don't find him attractive.

 

He's really into me and its becoming a bit much, because I'm not sure if I can give him want he wants.

 

I did end up going on a date with a good night kiss and;

 

I just felt so not turned on, It wasn't like it was a bad kiss.. just...since I think about how physically well me and my ex just melted together.

 

What do I do? It was a bad idea to go on a date so soon. I'm thinking of telling him;

 

Think is all to much especially since I just ended a relationship. We should not do the physical stuff.

 

But really how long can I keep that up.

 

Have you ever dated someone you physically did not find attractive? Should I try? I'm trying.... but keep thinking, if he was just sexy. What type of relationship can come from that?

 

WHAT DO I SAY TOO HIM?

 

I like you but I'm not attracted to you is not a option. WHAT SHOULD I SAY?

[mariekatie]

Okay so I ended a relationship with a guy I was dating for four months.

He was cold, never really said kind things, ext.. But very very attractive.

 

A man that I go with to school found out about the break-up and has asked me out. I could talk with him for hours, great connection but; I really don't find him attractive.

 

He's really into me and its becoming a bit much, because I'm not sure if I can give him want he wants.

 

I did end up going on a date with a good night kiss and;

 

I just felt so not turned on, It wasn't like it was a bad kiss.. just...since I think about how physically well me and my ex just melted together.

 

What do I do? It was a bad idea to go on a date so soon. I'm thinking of telling him;

 

Think is all to much especially since I just ended a relationship. We should not do the physical stuff.

 

But really how long can I keep that up.

 

Have you ever dated someone you physically did not find attractive? Should I try? I'm trying.... but keep thinking, if he was just sexy. What type of relationship can come from that?

 

WHAT DO I SAY TOO HIM?

 

I like you but I'm not attracted to you is not a option. WHAT SHOULD I SAY?

 

 

I've been in this situation before. I met my ex when travelling and my first impression of him was not that great. He's extremely nerdy and also we don't click at all. But we continued talking, being in different states make me fall for his personality more than his looks. When we met up again, i wasn't attracted to him but after some time, looks just didn't matter anymore. Although after we break up, i felt like "omg how did i even fall for him, love is really blind". I guess you could love him but eventually you'll feel something is missing, especially after the honeymoon period fade off.