CONFUSED0202 Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 Please someone tell me how to let this go???? About 5 weeks ago I met this guy at a club, we were aquaintances before, so he was not a stranger. We exchanged numbers, I called him. For two weeks everything was perfect...We talked 2 or 3 times a day, went away for a weekend together. Talked for hours and seemed to be heading in the right direction. Then BAM!!! met him for dinner and he informed me that he was expecting a baby in July, he and the girl had a one night stand and no relationship existed or ever would except where the child was concerned. It was like he was giving me the option of bowing out. I really liked him, and decided that I couldnt hold something against him that happened before I came along. Well, then he stopped taking my calls. Said that he had to get his life straightened out and that he cared too much for me to drag me through it. I talked to him like once in a week, but called him several times. Would always get his voicemail. I left him a message that I was going to the same club with some girlfriends this past Saturday. Well he was there waiting at the door when we came in. He started hugging and kissing me like everything was ok. Well, we all had too much to drink and my girlfriends and I ended up going to his house. We slept together and talked a little. All he kept telling me was that he had to get his life together before he could get into a relationship. He says that he has to do it on his own and that talking to me clouds his decisions. He says that if he talks to me and spends time with me he will fall in love with me and that it is not fair to me because of all the unresolved problems in his life. Other than the baby, his ex is suing him for money and is contesting their divorce, he also has a friend that he let move into his house when he left his wife. This has private investigators watching his house and the story goes on & on. When we left each other Sunday morning he kissed me bye and said to call. I called him later Sunday and we talked a short time. Said he would call back Sunday night but he didnt. Monday he said that he fell asleep. We talked for a few minutes on Monday and he said he would call me later. Well he hasnt called yet. I have called him and left voicemails, and I'm sure when he sees my number he just doesnt answer the phone. Deep down I realize that I should say "f_ck him" and move on... but it is really eating at me and I cant seem to let it go. All my friends tell me he is a player and that I should forget him. But they didnt spend the 1st two weeks with him and hear the conversations that we had. If he would just talk to me maybe I could get some closure, but he wont return my calls. I have left him some pretty bad voicemails telling him what a jerk he is and that I will never call him again. Then I do......But he doesnt reply. Could it be possible that he really cares for me and sees a relationship in the future, when he clears all his baggage.....and that he really cant talk to me because he has feelings for me.... or is he a player, 'That's really Not That Into Me" and shows up only when it is covenient for him. And how do you quit calling.....I say I'm not and 10 minutes later find myself dialing the phone. Also I told him that he was under my skin and in my head but not in my heart yet, that he would have to earn that spot....This is the way I feel, but for some reason cannot let it go. Any advise????
CurvyGurl Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 He seems to have a lot going on, right now. The difference between men and women is that men can NOT want a relationship with you and still sleep with you. Many women equate sex and nookie with 'being together' and so if it's 'no strings attached', it's unappealing. One of my favorite quotes that I try to always remember --- men will tell us over and over who they are and what they are about, in words and in actions. WE JUST DON'T LISTEN . He's told you over and over and over what he's about-- he needs to get his life back together. Yeah he met you at the club, danced, hugged, kissed-- Kisses are not promises. You're into him and he knows it and he needed some lovin'. Hes not above a loney screw, apparently, so you need to grab hold of your self respect and put it between him and you. When I decide I'm not going to talk to someone, I delete them from everything. IM, email, home and cell phone, caller id. And I just don't call. I just don't email. It's hard the first couple of days, and then I get used to it. He knows how to use the phone. He's not trapped under a rock... if he wanted to talk to you he'd pick up the phone. Listen to his words and his actions and act accordingly. Sorry to be so blunt but I call 'em as I see 'em.
HoldOn Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 Short answer: He's just not that into you. Shorter answer: WHY are you into him? You've only dated him 2 weeks and you're ready to be a step mom? But they didnt spend the 1st two weeks with him and hear the conversations that we had. Woo! two weeks! Damn, you must know this boy inside and out. Here's what you DO know: 1.) He knocked up a girl in a one-night stand. 2.) This girl will be in his life forever. 3.) He doesn't use protection when he has sex. 4.) His ex-wife is suing him for money. 5.) His ex-wife is still involved in his life. 6.) He doesn't return phone calls 7.) he says he is not ready for a relationship Hmmmmm. Sorry honey, this is not a hard decision. Hey I know this is a traditional stance, but I don't think girls should call guys. (Yes, I follow "The Rules". And here is why. You started this relationship only to find out later that he was not ready for one. And now you are hurt. All this time, you should have been available for a man who actually wanted a relationship.
agnf666 Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 Well, one thing is for sure he dhas alot going on right now. So, he maybe right about getting his life in order. You could try to just be friends or something. Tell him you don't want to completey not talk or hang out. He has alot of issues that he needs to address about past relationships and things and seems to me that he is afriad to jump into another one because of all the problems he has going for him. Give it time if you really like him.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 Sounds like it came with a bang and just fizzled out. I say you need to let it go - break your fingers before you call him again!!!!!! I mean it, do not call him - DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT I know it hurts and I know it sucks - but calling him is not doing yourself any good. You need to go through the sadness you feel at the separation and then move on. Once you are ready to move on - I have one word for you - INTERMITTENCY. It means start out slow. Maybe see eachother once a week - talk once or twice a week. Do not perpetuate this type of artificial mad passionate romance, it isn't real. I feel for you - we've all been there. I really hope you move on and it works out for you. By the way don't be surprised if he does call eventually. At that tiem assess your feelings, you may not even want to see him!
HoldOn Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 INTERMITTENCY. It means start out slow. Maybe see eachother once a week - talk once or twice a week. TOTALLY! I had already been friends with my bf for several years before we started dating, but for the first few months of dating, we only saw each other twice a week. You can't build a house without a foundation!
kellybelle Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 I could be wrong, but it sounds to me to be the typical weenie way of breaking up, not in so many words, but not if he's lonely, or struck out with the ex-wife or mybabiesmomma. Most states have no fault divorce laws, and it's unlikely that there would be private investigators staking out anyone's house. The courts nowadays just don't care, and if you can't settle, the judge will simply tell you to sell everything and split it. Period. I'll tell you how not to call him. You go with your girlfriends to concerts, the beach, bike week, whatever. Stay busy. Sit on your hands if you have to. Practice NO CONTACT until you learn the real truth. You have a lot going for you, flaunt it, honey. He should be the one agonizing! If not, there are a few hundred other men who will!
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