d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Ugh . . . I'm so annoyed right now. This morning I learned that a friend's father passed away. DH had car problems earlier & I need to pick him up from a train station for him to get home. When I learned the viewing would be today either this afternoon or tonight I called DH & asked what time his train got in. He said 7 pm. I said are you sure because I need to go to this wake & if you get in later than that I won't have enough time to get you, go home, change, & make it to the viewing. He said he was sure. I asked again reminding him that I'd be willing to go home & change earlier in the day if he was getting in later. Again, he said he'd get in at 7. I could not go to the afternoon viewing because I had a work thing I could not get out of. Now he tells me his train gets in at 7:45. At this point, I can't do everything so I am willing to skip changing (I have on nice black pants but a casual colored sweater; I'll just keep my coat on) but he has to come with me. I don't care if he sits in the car. He sent me a nasty text implying that I don't care about him & saying he'll take a taxi since my priorities are elsewhere. Even if I left my office now, I still don't have time to drive home change & get back here to pick him up. Traffic is a bear. Which one of us is being unreasonable? Part of me feels like I should just let him take the taxi & deal with it later.
Haydn Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 If his train is delayed then i guess it`s out of his hands. If not then let him take a cab. Tricky. Ugh . . . I'm so annoyed right now. This morning I learned that a friend's father passed away. DH had car problems earlier & I need to pick him up from a train station for him to get home. When I learned the viewing would be today either this afternoon or tonight I called DH & asked what time his train got in. He said 7 pm. I said are you sure because I need to go to this wake & if you get in later than that I won't have enough time to get you, go home, change, & make it to the viewing. He said he was sure. I asked again reminding him that I'd be willing to go home & change earlier in the day if he was getting in later. Again, he said he'd get in at 7. I could not go to the afternoon viewing because I had a work thing I could not get out of. Now he tells me his train gets in at 7:45. At this point, I can't do everything so I am willing to skip changing (I have on nice black pants but a casual colored sweater; I'll just keep my coat on) but he has to come with me. I don't care if he sits in the car. He sent me a nasty text implying that I don't care about him & saying he'll take a taxi since my priorities are elsewhere. Even if I left my office now, I still don't have time to drive home change & get back here to pick him up. Traffic is a bear. Which one of us is being unreasonable? Part of me feels like I should just let him take the taxi & deal with it later.
Author d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 If his train is delayed then i guess it`s out of his hands. If not then let him take a cab. Tricky. The train isn't delayed. He told me the wrong time earlier & I relied on it.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 He sent me a nasty text implying that I don't care about him & saying he'll take a taxi since my priorities are elsewhere. Even if I left my office now, I still don't have time to drive home change & get back here to pick him up. Traffic is a bear. Which one of us is being unreasonable? Part of me feels like I should just let him take the taxi & deal with it later. Honestly? Let him take the damn taxi. I'm sorry but you're not skipping out on picking him up because you forgot about your nail appointment at the salon, someone is dead and you wish to pay your respects. BIG difference. Plus, he got the times wrong, that's not really your fault; he's an adult. 7
Haydn Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Let him take a cab. Deal with the fall out later. I would be p....d as well. Sounds like he wants to create a scene. The train isn't delayed. He told me the wrong time earlier & I relied on it. 1
Author d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 Ok . . .off I go. He can take the taxi & I can pay my respects. This funeral will be awful . . . very crowded (political family) and the last time I was in this funeral home was for EX BF's viewing. I haven't back since so I'm dreading this.
rester Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I'm surprised there was such short notice for a wake. You found out this morning and are expected to go this evening? I've always had at least a few days notice for those things. What about people that have to travel to get there? If I were in your shoes, I'd probably miss the wake because of the short notice. If I were in your husband's shoes, I'd take a taxi and not be all grumpy about it.
xxoo Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 It sounds like two people are stressed and tired and getting short-tempered with each other. I'd ask him directly to choose between taking a cab or coming with you. If he chooses cab, simply agree to it and ignore any baiting about priorities. Tell him you love him and will be home at X time. 3
preraph Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Wakes are often last-minute, seems like. Not everyone has them either. He gave you bad information and didn't seem to care enough about your plans to get it right when you asked. So a taxi it is. He'll be puffed up, no doubt. 1
Author d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 I left him to his own devices & went to the wake. He apologized when I got home. All is well. It was just stress but thank you all for the outlet. 8
WasOtherWoman Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I completely understand your annoyance (although I am glad you came to good resolution). My husband has no concept of the difference between 7 and 7.45. He is a "big picture" guy. It all sounds the same to him. Maddening, it is.... 1
ASG Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I'm surprised there was such short notice for a wake. You found out this morning and are expected to go this evening? I've always had at least a few days notice for those things. What about people that have to travel to get there? If I were in your shoes, I'd probably miss the wake because of the short notice. If I were in your husband's shoes, I'd take a taxi and not be all grumpy about it. Where I'm from, the wake is as soon as humanly possible. Usually the day after, unless there are complications, like the need for an autopsy, that could delay the delivery of the body. The actual funeral will be the day after the wake. I don't think "people who have to travel" really enter into consideration... It is just a way to give quick closure and it's also probably much cheaper than doing it 3 weeks later and having to pay to store the body... In any case, glad you managed to make it to the wake OP and that your husband realised he was in the wrong, without making things difficult.
Author d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 The obituary was in the paper on Sunday but I didn't see it. Somebody told me about the funeral details on Monday so that is why it was short notice for me. The person who passed was quite prominent which added to the time pressures. the wake was also private. I didn't go because the deceased was famous. I went because his daughter is my friend since we were kids & years before I understood who her father was. I wanted to be there for her because her daddy died. DH didn't understand what a big hullabaloo this was until he got home & saw parts of it on the news.
Frank2thepoint Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 He sent me a nasty text implying that I don't care about him & saying he'll take a taxi since my priorities are elsewhere. Aww, your husband is throwing a temper tantrum. He needs his bottle of milk right away. Yes, I am calling him a big baby. DH didn't understand what a big hullabaloo this was until he got home & saw parts of it on the news. If so, his proper response should have been "Sorry, won't be able to make it, have fun without me." 1
Author d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 I'm not so sure a wake is ever fun. As I said in the end he did realize he was being unfair & that I would have rather been a lot of places other than a wake. 1
preraph Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I haven't yet made it to a wake because they are so last-minute and because they're so full of people from my past, I guess. And the only ones they have here in Texas, where it's not really traditional, are often when whoever dies had the funeral out of state so their local friends didn't get to go.
rester Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Where I'm from, the wake is as soon as humanly possible. Usually the day after, unless there are complications, like the need for an autopsy, that could delay the delivery of the body. The actual funeral will be the day after the wake. I don't think "people who have to travel" really enter into consideration... It is just a way to give quick closure and it's also probably much cheaper than doing it 3 weeks later and having to pay to store the body... In any case, glad you managed to make it to the wake OP and that your husband realised he was in the wrong, without making things difficult. I understand why these things are done as soon as possible, but I've never personally experienced them happening the day of or the day after the death. Typically family and friends have had time to fly in from all over the country, so two days at least. My friends brother passed away on a Wednesday last year, and I had time to fly in for the Saturday wake. Just been my experience, is all.
Frank2thepoint Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 I'm not so sure a wake is ever fun. As I said in the end he did realize he was being unfair & that I would have rather been a lot of places other than a wake. No, wakes are never fun. They are very depressing. I personally never go to wakes for that reason alone.
Toodaloo Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 I went because his daughter is my friend since we were kids & years before I understood who her father was. I wanted to be there for her because her daddy died. and your Daddy only dies once... unless he is James Bond... You did the right thing. Its not every day someone dies so its not as if you are expecting him to take a taxi every day. Hope your friend was OK.
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