Darren2013 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 You put up with this behavior for months? I am surprised you haven't dumped him sooner. Doesn't matter how good he is in other areas. Any kind of control is unacceptable. No it is not his job to be policing your diet. I am preaching to the choir here. Anyway each of us is in charge of our own diets. Besides as you said your weight is fine and you can eat anything you want in moderation. Tell him life is too short to be as legalistic as he is in his mindset about diet and exercise. McDonald's food is not all that healthy but if we eat it once or twice a month most of us will probably be okay with our health. 3
Darren2013 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I would rather date someone overweight who has a sweet personality than someone who looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger but is critical in their attitude all the time. Being overweight says nothing about a person's personality and their amazing qualities. 3
StanMusial Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 LOL buying your groceries seemed like a nice gesture until you realize he only did it so he could buy only tofu and celery sticks and probably some beets too. I don't understand people like this. Why doesn't he just find a little gym rat to date instead of hassling you with it? Who has the time to obsess over this shlte? 3
Tayken Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Could you please point out the healthy " concern" the gentleman in THIS post is displaying ? She goes to school full time and works part time, he takes one class at best, also works part time and apparently thinks pizza is the devil I don't see where the OP needs to change anything or has a "problem' that would concern any sane person. I believe you may be bringing your issues about woman and "control" into a situation that is far more clear cut. My question was hypothetical i.e. a general one and not specific to the OP. I asked the question because most women can't seem to be able to distinguish constructive criticism from controlling/verbal abuse and are quick to utter the ubiquitous "you are being controlling". This issue can be traced back to bad parenting really. If people are used to knowing that the world doesn't revolve around them, that they don't get all they ask for, that the real world is different from the utopian world they cocoon themselves into, then perhaps they will grasp this earlier on? Again...hypothetical
Tayken Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I would rather date someone overweight who has a sweet personality than someone who looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger but is critical in their attitude all the time. Being overweight says nothing about a person's personality and their amazing qualities. True ....to the first part of this. However, you ruined it by mentioning amazing qualities which to me makes your comment sound like an oxymoron. Does this "qualities" not include the will power to control diet/ exercise/ lead a healthy lifestyle then?
Darren2013 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 True ....to the first part of this. However, you ruined it by mentioning amazing qualities which to me makes your comment sound like an oxymoron. Does this "qualities" not include the will power to control diet/ exercise/ lead a healthy lifestyle then? A person's eating habits doesn't say anything about the content of their character. That's the point. We shouldn't make diet or being overweight like it is some immoral act or sin.
Darren2013 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Also I don't know how often the OPs boyfriend works out at the gym but I hope he is not overtraining. Any good fitness instructor would tell you that overtraining is dangerous and probably worse than undertraining. Most of the fitness progress happens during the times of recuperation and not during the exercise period. There is a point where one can spend too much time at the gym. Weight training for longer than 1 hour is too long and that can work against progress. So I hope he takes days off from the gym. But he sounds so obsessed with that it would not surprise me to find out that he is overtraining by going 7 days a week. I subscribe to muscle and fitness magazine and one of the trainers said you should not train if you don't feel good. If you feel tired for any reason then rest and listen to your body.
melodymatters Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 My question was hypothetical i.e. a general one and not specific to the OP. I asked the question because most women can't seem to be able to distinguish constructive criticism from controlling/verbal abuse and are quick to utter the ubiquitous "you are being controlling". This issue can be traced back to bad parenting really. If people are used to knowing that the world doesn't revolve around them, that they don't get all they ask for, that the real world is different from the utopian world they cocoon themselves into, then perhaps they will grasp this earlier on? Again...hypothetical Two things. One, I don't see how being overly indulged as a child or having a very self centered viewpoint has ANYTHING to do with one's perception of whether their partner is displaying controlling behaviour or not. And Two, it sounds like you should start a different thread about " What IS controlling behaviour ?" as opposed to completely ignoring the concrete examples in the OP's post. I would be happy to give my opinion THERE. If your wife took food out of your hand and threw it across the room would YOU be ok with that ? Is there REALLY any question in your mind whether that is healthy " concerned" behaviour or " controlling" behaviour ? Speaking of which, I REALLY wish the OP would come back and comment !
Gloria25 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 A person's eating habits doesn't say anything about the content of their character. That's the point. We shouldn't make diet or being overweight like it is some immoral act or sin. It's not an immoral act or sin, but says a lot about a person.... If you put crap in your body and you're not one of those people with some weird speedy metabolism, that food is gonna make you gain weight. Some foods also wreck your skin and mess with your health. So, if you don't care enough about your health and/or appearance, that leaks into other areas.... For one, the body you present to your SO. Why do women "doll up"? Why do men shave, shower, put on cologne? Cuz we do it cuz it makes us feel good and we do it to impress our SO. If you give me some out of shape body what are you telling me? That I'm not worthy of you presenting yourself to me at a certain level. Then, the health. Well, you can spend your life on treatments for diabetes, high blood pressure, joint pain, etc. If you're involved with someone and/or have kids - then now you're burdening your family members who have to deal with your ailments, medical bills, and who might outlive you. And, then "level of activity". I like to walk and do things "physical" (channeling Olivia Newton John) - especially in the bedroom. I know of a lady who was older - yet active. She loved to bike, hike, etc. She married some guy who not only looked like his age (older than her), but he had back pain and did not join her on those things. Why would I want to get with someone that can't enjoy those things with me? So, I'm sorry, I think gym rats are extreme. I mean, I've avoided them cuz of the narcissism, the extreme diets, and the ridiculous time they put into their body - but at the same time, a couch potato who could care less about walking a block (to the extent they always park their car near the door of something) and/or don't take pride in their diet and/or appearance is not for me. They could be the nicest person on the earth - but that is not the issue. Also, usually, their bad diet/activity habits eventually - if not already - spread into other areas of their life (i.e. not keeping their home tidy). I mean lazy is lazy. 2
Tayken Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 (to the extent they always park their car near the door of something) and/or don't take pride in their diet and/or appearance is not for me. One of my biggest annoyances...seeing that young or old person joining a long line up at a fast food joint in their cars / parking close to a business even on a nice day because they can't be bothered to walk No wonder these people never go outside their small town in North America. God forbid they go to south America, Europe or Asia and have to walk/take public transport 1
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