Space_oddity1989 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 So my now ex and I have been broken up a little over a month now. We were together for almost 4 years. We had some rough patches, but always worked through them together. The one thing about my ex is that she wasn't always transparent with things that bothered her, which led to her bottling things up. the top would eventually come off and we wouldn't speak for weeks. This time around, she asked to be left alone and that the relationship is done. For the month of September, she was moving out of her old place into a new apartment and I wasn't there for her as she expected. I admit, I was childish and didn't provide her with support during this transition. Prior to the break up, she would make passive aggressive comments, until she ended the relationship. A week before Halloween we were at Disneyland and I must have had a **** day because at the park, I told her she was giving me a headache and annoyed me. Well, that blew off the top from things she was bottling up. She broke it up and I didn't contact her for two weeks. In those two weeks, I made a silly mistake of creating an online dating profile. An hour after making it, I decided it was silly and deleted the account. That one hour I had it was too long. Her best friend who apparently is on the site saw my profile and immediately showed it to her. I decided to email my ex and that's when she told me what her friend saw. She expressed how I was never there for her like she wanted, she also has the notion that I cheated on her. Here's part of the email " I am the one with my "bf" on an active dating site. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt in assuming you created the dating profile after Disneyland, but quite frankly that's probably a lie too. So I am probably the girl that got cheated on too. Great. Thanks. And yet, you act like I did something to you. Well, you can do that. You can say and feel whatever you want. But I think it is fair for me to ask you to stop bothering me. You've already put me through enough and it's really not fair that you insist on pretending that you didn't do anything to me and I am just being unfair." I didn't contact her again for two weeks until last night. No response. I wish I can take things back and be who she wanted but I cant. All I can do is work on tomorrow. Today was the first time I felt this gut wrenching pain and ache in my heart. The worst thing is that we work together. I'm feeling really torn up inside.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 It sounds like this relationship had been on rocky ground for a while. I think you two need this space from each other, because it seems as though you weren't really making each other happy any more. This last episode was probably just the straw that broke the camel's back. Given that you work together, be only professional at work. Don't try to be friendly. Avoid any personal interaction beyond what's required for your job.
lolablue17 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 (edited) I dont know anything... But i think if someone wants "to be left alone because the relationship is done", she has no right to expect you "to be there for her". Why should you help her moving? maybe you're hurt? So... The expectation that you'll help her and be there for her and also her reaction to your experimental FB dating account (why is it her business anyway?) imply that her moving out and breaking up with you are just tools she uses in a relationship. she see's breakups as a legitimate way to express herself in the relationship. And she's disappointed that you didn't do your job. your job was to be there for her after the breakup and your job was to "not seeing girls", and wait until she changes her mind. She wanted an upper hand - that's why she broke up. She wanted you to be sad and humiliated. AND YOU DIDN'T COOPERATE!! Shame on you! Why would you want that kind of girlfriend. This is no way to run a relationship. I suspect that your are also like her... uses hurtful acts as a punishment... So start dating other girls, she will do the same... OR... Just admit that it isn't worth fighting for. Edited November 18, 2014 by lolablue17
heartache25 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I also leave a 4 year relationship after being dumped by my ex, we had rocky 4 year, but we was good still. I held hope to get her back, few weeks later, I tried, a month later I tried, 2 month, I tried and each time a failure at NC. 3rd month I accepted it over, I cryed alot one night, while forcefully listening to sad music, I felt horrible, such pain. I had to accept it was over, with advice from LS members. 4 month_5/month now, I date 2 woman lately, 1 of them was a lot easier the eye than my ex and she was hot. Man, basically *** ur ex, one month u break up and she has no interest, accept its over now than pro longing the pain as I did. Accept its over now, and do go on ur dating sites, chat with woman, lots! I do, it helps you to move on! Good luck!
Author Space_oddity1989 Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 Thanks for taking the time and passing advice along. It's appreciated. I'm glad to see several others go through similar situations. That's life for ya! I can't really justify any of my actions, they were *******-ish and nonsupportive. But what's broken is in the past and I can only work on today and tomorrow. Things are pretty awkward at work. I have to speak to her as she if a QA manager that oversees my work. When I ask work related questions, I get no eye contact and short answers. As for us, Im not holding my breath, but I would like a work environment where I don't feel the need to have my supervisor as a middle person between us. And as far as dating, I really want to occupy my time to focus on myself. Part of her frustrations with me were that I was irresponsible with my money. I'd like to start some savings, play soccer, and just enjoy and grow on my own. It's been a while since I've been single. Again, thank you all!
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