chipotlelover Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Hi World, I need advise on what to do. Here is the situation. I have been married to my wife for close to 2 years. When we started the marriage we had a lot in common (still do). We both have a college education and bring home a nice combined income of 150k+. I think that this makes both of us not want to leave as the standard of living is so nice. A few weeks ago I met another woman I liked on a business trip and we hanged out a lot after work. She was super nice and appreciative of my time. We did a lot of talking and it just reminded me of how you can actually like being romantic with someone. We ended up kissing (that’s really it) but it just got me thinking no amount of $ is worth not being able to be truly happy. I’m only 24 and I just don’t know if I can go on with a relationship that feels like a friendship/roommate thing. Over the last 2 years I was a real $##* to my wife. I just didn’t know how to treat a women. I wasn’t respectful, I would lie about stupid stuff, I would not make time for her etc etc. She was always caring for me and still is. The problem is I do want to make things better with her but I feel as sense I was this way maybe I really don’t love her. I just feel so bad for the things that I have done to her that I can’t love/feel for her the way I should. From day one my wife has always been a friend first. I have never really seen her as the “oh, I want you tonight type” She was the lets play video games all night type. How do I get that into the relationship? The romantic interest… Or is that simply there or not. The thought of losing her as a friend hurts a lot but the thought of her being with someone else does not. The girl I met also wants to continue things to but I want to hit pause on that if I go through a divorce I just need to be me again… I think. Long story short: is their hope for my current marriage? Can I stir that romantic internet in? Thanks for any help!
Mr. Lucky Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 A few weeks ago I met another woman I liked on a business trip and we hanged out a lot after work. She was super nice and appreciative of my time. We did a lot of talking and it just reminded me of how you can actually like being romantic with someone. We ended up kissing (that’s really it) but it just got me thinking no amount of $ is worth not being able to be truly happy. I’m only 24 and I just don’t know if I can go on with a relationship that feels like a friendship/roommate thing. You're not acting in a way that indicates you have the maturity level to be in a relationship with anyone, present wife included. Love isn't something you feel, love is something you do. Commitment isn't something that keeps you from being with other people, it's what binds you to the person you've chosen to be with. Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear... Mr. Lucky 2
Author chipotlelover Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 You're not acting in a way that indicates you have the maturity level to be in a relationship with anyone, present wife included. Love isn't something you feel, love is something you do. Commitment isn't something that keeps you from being with other people, it's what binds you to the person you've chosen to be with. Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear... Mr. Lucky I appreciate the honesty. Is love really an action but not a feeling? That seems rather disappointing of a thought.
MTmama Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 (edited) There is always hope. The PP is right, love is a choice. Feelings are the result of how you act upon that choice. Have you considered the fact that marriage, like any other relationship takes work? You have to be proactive on how you treat your spouse, how you want to interact with her and what your life looks like. Can you put in the effort that it needs to produce an intimate, romantic relationship? When I say effort, I don't me drudgery, just intentional choices of how you are going to treat her. BTW: Don't you think a good friendship is a great place to start for a marriage? Edited November 18, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Satu Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 If you want love, be loving. If you want passion, be passionate. If you want a fulfilling relationship, feed the relationship. 1
will j Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 When I was 24 (2 years ago) I was in the EXACT same situation. I lived with my girlfriend of 4 years, and we were more buddies or roommates than lovers. I finally ended it, though it killed me to break apart the nice life we built together. When I did that, my life began. You can't fake passion, or you'll be miserable forever.
GirlStillStrong Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 When I was 24 (2 years ago) I was in the EXACT same situation. I lived with my girlfriend of 4 years, and we were more buddies or roommates than lovers. I finally ended it, though it killed me to break apart the nice life we built together. When I did that, my life began. Hate to break the news to ya but at 26, your life STILL has not begun. ChipotleLover, what exactly did you promise to this woman in your wedding vows?
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