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Not sure how to feel about husband laying out a guy because he was twisting my arm.

Mapper71

By Mapper71
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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Mapper71 Established Member

Mapper71

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So we were at a bar on Saturday for a memorial service for a friend who died. It wasn't a sad affair, just people drinking and eating and showing pictures.The place was packed and there were also just regular bar patrons there who didn't know what was going on. There is this one guy who is apparently known by quite a few people because he just hangs out at a lot of the nearby bars. Well my husband and I got there around 3PM and this guy already seemed to be on his way to getting plastered but was at least coherent. My husband went up and said hi to him because he's familiar with him but doesn't really know him. All was fine and the guy hugged him. Well move forward to about 7PM This guy is sitting on his own at the bar staring at pretty much nothing. Obviously wasted. My husband goes up to the bar right next to this guy to get a drink. He's being friendly to the guy asking how he's doing and then lightly playfully punches his arm. Well this guy immediately gets defensive and gets in my husband's face and goes "Oh come on you want to go at it? Lets go outside." He kept saying this and my husband stopped joking with him and turned away to avoid confrontation as this guy looked like he was going to take a swing. This guy keeps grabbing my husband's shoulder to get him to turn around. I'm standing behind them and I gently put my hand on the guy's shoulder to get him to stop and to avoid anything happening. This guy is probably 40 years old and well over 200 lbs and grabs my wrist and starts twisting my arm. My husband sees this and immediately has the guy on the floor with his arm pinned behind his back. I was shocked that he was able to take this guy down. He didn't throw a punch, which I am grateful for. The guy gets thrown out of the bar but luckily my husband doesn't because everyone knows him and he was actually praised for doing what he did because the guy is a jerk.

 

My husband is 46 years old and I have never seen him do anything like this before. He said he used to get into a lot of fights in his 20s but nothing since. I'm unsure how to feel about what he did. I mean I found his actions very chivalrous, but also I'm embarrassed that this had to come down to him laying him out in the middle of a bar around a bunch of people we know.

 

What is your take on what he did?

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Mapper71 Established Member

Mapper71

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He didn't CAUSE anything! He went up to the guy and put his arm around his neck in a "Hey how are you doing buddy?" kind of way and jokingly said something and then lightly gave the guy a playful punch. The drunk guy is the idiot for immediately taking to "Oh you wanna fight?" level! The drunk guy is the one who came up to my husband when we first got there (when the guy was somewhat sober) and gave my husband a bear hug and practically put him in a head lock. So if you are saying my husband is in the wrong for touching him then this guy shouldn't have had any right to give him a bear hug then either right? Just because this escalated into something more then my husband is in the wrong for touching the guy but the guy had every right to touch my husband earlier when he was not so drunk??

TintedChrome Member

TintedChrome

Posted
Posted

Your husband did fine. Just find some classier places to socialize in.

Gofsttrnlft Member

Gofsttrnlft

Posted
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Your husband did fine. Just find some classier places to socialize in.

 

LMAO! Just because the guy wasn't in a business suit? In a martini bar? That is why this happened? Ass hats are just that no matter where they drink.

 

So your husband took a physical assault on you into his own hands and squashed the threat without using excessive force... Perfectly done and I hope you 100 percent appreciate it.

Phoe Established Member

Phoe

Posted
Posted

Well, I think it's good that your husband subdued him without resorting to hitting, that's the one bright side.

 

The downside is that your husband lightly punched a drunk dude. No matter if it was friendly, drunk people are often belligerent and shouldn't be teased. Then there's the matter of you putting yourself in the situation and grabbing the belligerent mans shoulder. The best thing to do would've been to stay out of the altercation and not touch the man. Especially when your husband touching him is what got him belligerent, you then touching him again, certainly wasn't going to calm him down.

 

Don't touch belligerently drunk people. For any reason. Leave them alone.

  • Like 1
oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

Posted
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I'd buy him a beer.

 

You should give him a few nights of good lovins in a row at least.

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

Posted
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I mean I found his actions very chivalrous, but also I'm embarrassed that this had to come down to him laying him out in the middle of a bar around a bunch of people we know.

I'm not really getting your "embarrassment" for the fact that your husband stepped up and protected you when you were in potential or imminent physical danger?

 

I should like to think that ANY guy would do that for ANY woman in a similar situation. Or do I have a screw loose, on this? :confused:

  • Like 1
sweetjasmine Established Member

sweetjasmine

Posted
Posted

I really can't understand why either one of you would touch a guy who was so "obviously wasted" unless he was your good friend and you knew he didn't mind being touched like that. Your husband absolutely did instigate it. And your touching him when he was already belligerent and looking for a fight only escalated the situation. On what planet does continuing to touch someone who's wasted and already looking for a fight calm things down?

 

If it had been you sitting at the bar and some guy you only knew in passing putting his arm around you and lightly punching you in the arm with a "how are ya, buddy?", what would your husband have done? Both of you need to learn to respect people's personal space.

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Sparty97 Established Member

Sparty97

Posted
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The people placing any blame for this on the husband should be ashamed. Drunk or not you are responsible for your actions.

 

If the guy wants to start beef with your husband fine, but it sounds like your man did everything to calm the situation down and the asshat at the bar decides to lay his hands on a woman.

 

Your husband did the right thing and showed far more restraint than I might have.

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rester Established Member

rester

Posted
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If it happened the way it was described I'd say the guy instigated it and your husband did the right thing. I do think he could have avoided the whole situation better, by not hugging and playful punching a near stranger, but hey, that's no reason for the guy to get belligerent and then grab you. Good for your husband for standing up for you.

Sparty97 Established Member

Sparty97

Posted
Posted

Oh, and I forgot to add... dig out that Sexy Nurse outfit and show him a good time as a reward.

  • Like 1
Fugu Established Member

Fugu

Posted
Posted
So we were at a bar on Saturday for a memorial service for a friend who died. It wasn't a sad affair, just people drinking and eating and showing pictures.The place was packed and there were also just regular bar patrons there who didn't know what was going on. There is this one guy who is apparently known by quite a few people because he just hangs out at a lot of the nearby bars. Well my husband and I got there around 3PM and this guy already seemed to be on his way to getting plastered but was at least coherent. My husband went up and said hi to him because he's familiar with him but doesn't really know him. All was fine and the guy hugged him. Well move forward to about 7PM This guy is sitting on his own at the bar staring at pretty much nothing. Obviously wasted. My husband goes up to the bar right next to this guy to get a drink. He's being friendly to the guy asking how he's doing and then lightly playfully punches his arm. Well this guy immediately gets defensive and gets in my husband's face and goes "Oh come on you want to go at it? Lets go outside." He kept saying this and my husband stopped joking with him and turned away to avoid confrontation as this guy looked like he was going to take a swing. This guy keeps grabbing my husband's shoulder to get him to turn around. I'm standing behind them and I gently put my hand on the guy's shoulder to get him to stop and to avoid anything happening. This guy is probably 40 years old and well over 200 lbs and grabs my wrist and starts twisting my arm. My husband sees this and immediately has the guy on the floor with his arm pinned behind his back. I was shocked that he was able to take this guy down. He didn't throw a punch, which I am grateful for. The guy gets thrown out of the bar but luckily my husband doesn't because everyone knows him and he was actually praised for doing what he did because the guy is a jerk.

 

My husband is 46 years old and I have never seen him do anything like this before. He said he used to get into a lot of fights in his 20s but nothing since. I'm unsure how to feel about what he did. I mean I found his actions very chivalrous, but also I'm embarrassed that this had to come down to him laying him out in the middle of a bar around a bunch of people we know.

 

What is your take on what he did?

 

Your husband's a real man. You're lucky to have him. The end.

  • Like 1
bathtub-row Established Member

bathtub-row

Posted
Posted

I'd say your husband is pretty doggone awesome. I have no idea what you're embarrassed about. He reacted with lightening speed to protect you and didn't even think twice about it. I'm guessing all the other women there were envious. Give him a big kiss and let him know you appreciate what he did for you.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

its not hard to take down a wasted guy.......its not praise worthy...its sad......

 

i have learned from experience to not approach really drunk people....and when you are approached by really drunk people to extract yourself from the equation not go up to them and mock fight...let the bar tender know he is past his limit on the side...its duty of care............not playfully punch a wasted guy they dont get the joke..they dont have a really sane sense of humor......if any at all...deb

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Mapper71 Established Member

Mapper71

Posted
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I really can't understand why either one of you would touch a guy who was so "obviously wasted" unless he was your good friend and you knew he didn't mind being touched like that. Your husband absolutely did instigate it. And your touching him when he was already belligerent and looking for a fight only escalated the situation. On what planet does continuing to touch someone who's wasted and already looking for a fight calm things down?

 

If it had been you sitting at the bar and some guy you only knew in passing putting his arm around you and lightly punching you in the arm with a "how are ya, buddy?", what would your husband have done? Both of you need to learn to respect people's personal space.

 

He most likely would have half jokingly said "Hey what's up? Do you know my wife?" and the guy would have backed off and situation resolved. I can definitely tell you the immediate reaction sure as hell wouldn't be to twist an arm or throw a punch or say "Hey lets go a round outside!! Geez some of you need to lighten up a bit! Really, it's OKAY to put your hand on someone's shoulder at a bar and not expect to get punched! If I need to get by someone in a crowded bar I put my hand on their shoulder so they move out of the way. So I should get my arm twisted for touching some guy's wife to get her to move out of the way? If someone is falling down drunk is it okay to grab their arm to help them up and be nice or should you just leave them on the floor because you "might get punched"??

  • Like 1
Enema Established Member

Enema

Posted
Posted

Your husband handled that situation perfectly.

 

The only thing that could have gone better is if you'd kept your nose out of it.

angie2443 Established Member

angie2443

Posted
Posted

My husband is 46 years old and I have never seen him do anything like this before. He said he used to get into a lot of fights in his 20s but nothing since. I'm unsure how to feel about what he did. I mean I found his actions very chivalrous, but also I'm embarrassed that this had to come down to him laying him out in the middle of a bar around a bunch of people we know.

 

What is your take on what he did?

 

Read your other threads and the responses others have given you. Your husband is not a chivalrous person. He may make it look like that because that is going to make him look good to others when they here how he punched this guy. You know all the problems he has caused you and his daughter before. I think you know that the punch had nothing to do with protecting you. He's an angry person and takes this anger out when he gets a good oportunity.

  • Like 1
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

Not a great situation and as your husband is 46 and not 16, why on earth did he poke the guy sitting alone drunk at the bar?

 

Just about every bar has a guy who drinks on his own, getting increasingly drunk over the course of the evening. Some are friendly drunks, some are silent drunks, and some are volcanoes about to go off, if not handled in the right way.

This guy was obviously a volcano and with two people invading his personal space, he obviously felt threatened and reacted by grabbing your arm.

 

What your husband did was IMO way over the top here.

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