VeryBrokenMan Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I've read that women will choose an affair partner that is a lesser man is many respects than their spouse? Is this true and if so why?
FusionCutter Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I've read that women will choose an affair partner that is a lesser man is many respects than their spouse? Is this true and if so why? It's a difficult question to answer since it's so broad and people cheat for so many reasons. I believe the most generic answer is the person that the woman cheats with embodies all some qualities that is lacking in the marriage and to the wife's needs. It is to meet an unfulfilled need of sorts. For example if a married man cheats on his wife because of a sexless marriage, the woman he cheats with may simply be an outlet for sex and inferior to his wife, even physical attractiveness, in every other way.
Clay Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 A good man wont have anything to do with a woman involved with someone else. They would be smart enough to not ignore the red flags and back away. The same goes for women. A woman that is decent wont waste her time on someone playing the field. You see all these people that cheat act like they are the greatest thing in the world when in the truth of it they are just the bottom of the list. People learn to lie so much they start believing there own lies. Its best to distance yourself from a cheater and never look back. If you surround yourself with good people the better off you are. Clay
aliveagain Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I am very successful, never had any problems meeting women. My ex had a 2 year affair with a broke, stucco applicator/ part time bartender. They always try to make themselves feel better by finding someone with more problems than themselves.
carhill Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I've read that women will choose an affair partner that is a lesser man is many respects than their spouse? Is this true and if so why? IDK, my first MW was having a physical affair with a multi-millionaire business owner she worked for. Overall, though, from my experiences, mixed bag. I guess it all depends what a 'lesser' man is, relevant to societal standards. IME, in my demographic, women tended to seek out the most potent and powerful men available and, generally, the same characteristics which impelled those men to their station in society endowed them with the privilege and tools to have affairs, so I guess it made sense that it would work out that way. Back to the first MW, her H's family was pretty successful but he and I were a pretty even match in the social proof area, though neither of us held a candle to her boss who was bedding multiple employees along with making a name for himself in his industry. Notwithstanding infidelity's stigma, her boss was the 'superior' man. He's still at it today, though has slowed down in his 60's. When a woman 'cheats down', it's a power dynamic, IME. By having an affair with a socially inferior man, she can control him due to the power imbalance between the socio-economic classes. He seeks admittance to her 'class' and she uses that carrot, and her sexuality, to control him and extract whatever she wants from him, whether that be attention, sex, emotional intimacy or simply someone to complain to about her marriage. A more socially powerful man will often thwart this dynamic, which is an extension of 'leagues'.
Phoe Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I personally don't think people who cheat are really putting that much thought into it. I don't think people come up with a certain type of person that they will pursue, a certain socioeconomic class complete with sound reasons for WHY that person has been chosen. No, I don't think so. I don't think its that complicated. IMO It sorta just happens, regardless of thought, regardless of what type of person that is and whether they are above or below the cheaters partner. 3
Sub Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Who's to say if the OM is "lesser", really? It's normal to feel a competitiveness with this guy who got involved with the woman you love, who you thought loved you. I felt it, did all of the overanalyzing and comparisons. But if my WW did in fact cheat down, what would that say about me? Like others have said, the OM has a quality or qualities that your W feels you are lacking at the time. And I don't think it's necessarily a conscious choice as much as a realization after the fact as to why she's attracted to him.
Rejected Rosebud Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 No women do not always cheat "down" and also, how do you know what "down" is from the perspective of the cheater, you might think it's down while she thinks the opposite.
AlwaysGrowing Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 The most important criteria for an AP is willingness. Most believe that those involved in affairs have serious coping/life/relationship/self esteem/self worth/self respect issues at play to engage in destructive behaviour..towards others/children/work/AP/themselves. To many...that is what makes an AP lesser than. Money can't buy integrity.
Brooke02 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I've read that women will choose an affair partner that is a lesser man is many respects than their spouse? Is this true and if so why? Choose an affair partner...as in they have a list to choose from? I think it just depends on how it happens. I don't think cheating women are thinking "hmm, I think I'm gonna go find me a cute guy who works at McDonalds, and have an affair with him". Or "do I want to have an affair with a Lawyer or a garbage collector... There's just so many to choose from. 1
Tayken Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 @OP.....I think you are paying cheaters some form of compliment here, by actually think they are able to process their actions. There is no rational thought to it, and instead they just follow their own delusional thoughts and bend over or go down on the next thing that comes along paying them a compliment they have been craving.
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