VeryBrokenMan Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 (edited) Just wondering what your wife did to rebuild the marriage? How often do you think about the affair and how long has it been? Anyone have any good statistics on how often reconciliation is successful? Edited November 17, 2014 by VeryBrokenMan
Sub Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Just wondering what your wife did to rebuild the marriage? Honesty, sometimes brutal honesty. The willingness to spend a lot of time talking about it, even if it made her uncomfortable. How often do you think about the affair and how long has it been? Still think about aspects of it every day. My wife was horrible at covering her tracks, so I know a lot about it, have read more emails, texts and chats than I probably should have. It's been over 3 years. 1
RightThere Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Over 1 year past D-Day. Not anywhere close to "reconciled". I'm unsure if I'll ever actually get there. I also do not have a WW who fits the mold of a "regretful WW". However I actually don't think having a WW who suddenly becomes the BS's second class citizen makes long term reconciliation any better.
Timmos Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Turned over ALL account information. Informed the OM's wife (if only eventually) The humiliation of a STD test. Rarely, if ever, leaves the house without asking me to tag along. Checks in from work several times a day. Invited her boss to our house in order for him to show me all emails from her work account. The boss agreed to block the OM's email and monitor her account for any further emails. Cut all contact with anyone involved in any way with the affair. Including her long time best friend. Slept in the living room floor (as did I) for nearly 6 months. Frequent therapy sessions, informing me of everything that was discussed in the meeting. And even going so far as to invite me to a session so that her therapist could clarify some things for me. She has developed an even more acute awareness of my mood, moving quickly to comfort and calm me when she sees it going dark. Apologies. Often and many. Sometimes they are random and out of the blue. Sometimes they are hand written notes for special occasions or dates that are known to be bothersome. Her daily routine has changed in a manner that is now far more focused on our daughter and I. A GREAT deal more time is spent with me overall. She has worked very hard on opening up and communicating. Its probably better now than it had ever been. She cries, which is uncommon. I have seen her cry more in the last six months than I have in the last 11 years. And it is not "for show," as I have caught her crying when she thinks I wouldn't notice. This typically leads to even more apologies and even more crying. She has accepted complete and total responsibility for what she has done. She often says that, for all the disgust and disbelief I have over the whole ordeal, she probably has even more. All this even over a year since DDay. She is aware that there is no absolute certainty, and tells me that if I feel that I need to go, then that's what I should do. But she begs me not to. As for how often I think about her affair... every day. Sometimes its just a passing thought, others its quite disturbing. But its getting rarer and we have our good days. "Weakness isn't why you can’t leave, you can’t leave because she isn't just a cheater: she also has many traits you adore and love, or you wouldn't have fallen for her. That’s the confusing part, and it will take time to resolve this conflict, despite your pride."
Timmos Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Honesty, sometimes brutal honesty. The willingness to spend a lot of time talking about it, even if it made her uncomfortable. And especially this. When I feel its time to talk about it, its time to talk about it. She does not complain or try to avoid the subject.
TrustedthenBusted Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 When someone cheats on you, risks your health, risks your family and all you've built together, they have shown you without any doubt exactly where you stand with them. This cannot be undone. When you make the choice to stay, you do so with the understanding that while they may never CHEAT on you again....you must remember where you stand with this person. This creates an ever-present crack in your relationship. You can go the rest of your life with this crack, and actually have a pretty good time together. But you have to do it with your eyes open, understanding and remembering WHY the crack is there. 3
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