I love you,me neither

[Galathea]

Hi guys! This is my first post here and since I'm not a person that would usually write on forums (I barely use social media in general), you can imagine how confused I am. I made a profile here just because I am really,really desperate for opinions different than my friends'.

 

So here's the story. I've been dating this guy for half a year now. I am deeply,madly,truly in love with him. What's more, I love him. He's treating me really well. He spends most of his time with me,we've talked every single day for the past six months in one form or another. He's already introduced me to his whole family, cousins, uncles and aunties included . I've introduced him to my family as well - he actually came to visit my home country in the summer. At the beginning of our relationship he used to make all these plans about us being together. He used to even joke about our future kids. I must admit, I felt a bit freaked out because for me this was too much,too soon. But as our relationship evolved, I realised that I can not imagine myself with anyone else but him. I love everything about him - the pretty, the ugly, and the quirky.

 

For a very long time I tried to withhold my adoration for him. Those three words were always pushing their way through my mouth, but I managed to keep control. Until one morning I couldn't take it anymore. I told him that I love him and that I don't want him to say it back. I told him that I knew that he likes me a lot,but I knew that he doesn't love me. At least not yet. He said that he knew that I love him,he could tell by the way I look at him. He also said he needed time to say it back. I said I was ok with that. I lied.

 

Since then our relationship continued in the same old way but I can't help to wonder every now and then whether he simply can not say those words because he has difficulty expressing his emotions (which is an easy excuse) or because he's simply not that into me. I realised that all that talk about us building a family might have just been part of the honey moon phase. The fact that he might be leaving the country in 2 years time does not make it any easier because sometimes I feel I should end this relationship and find someone that is not afraid to openly love me and stay with me.

 

So...could anyone please help me out on this one? Should I chose an easy exit or should I stay and patiently wait until he's ready?

[clia]

How long ago was it that you said it and he said he needed more time? Different people have different opinions on the appropriate time frame for "I love you." Personally, I think six months is more than enough time for him to decide whether or not he loves you. If it were me, I wouldn't waste much more time with this guy.

[Galathea]

Hey Clia,

 

Well,it was about maybe two or three weeks ago..and our half a year anniversary was this week.

[anika99]

Actually I think you should respect him for not saying it too soon. There is love and then there is romantic "in love" feelings. One can "fall" in love quite quickly but it takes longer than six months for real love to develop. At six months you really are still in the honeymoon getting to know you phase and feelings at that time are often based in a mixture of lust, excitement, and romantic ideals. You yourself describe it as being madly deeply in love and talk about your adoration of him. That's not really love, it's limerence. Perhaps your BF understands the difference and he doesn't take saying those words lightly or on a whim.

[elaine567]

Do your friends know him and if they do, what do they think?

[evanescentworld]

(For goodness' sake, don't read Darren2013's thread! )

 

An awful lot can happen in 2 years, so I don't figure that's the problem.

 

6 months?

My H told me he loved me , in 6 DAYS! 6 months is certainly long enough for a guy to know whether you're "the one" or "the one for now".

 

Simplistically-speaking, either he's a commitment-phobe, or he's stalling.

 

Sorry hun, but when you know it - you know it. And by now - he definitely should know it.

[Galathea]

Hey guys,

 

thanks for the replies! I do respect him for not saying it, that's one of the qualities I respect about him - he's painfully honest. That's why I trust him a 100% because I know that he'll always serve it to me as it is. Maybe that's the reason why I'm still with him - because I know that if he wanted us to break up, he wouldn't wait another minute. He's also quite attractive (and I'm not saying this just because he's my bf) and he always gets a lot of attention for girls, so he's definitely not staying in this relationship out of lack of options. But I do agree that when you know it,you know it-like I do. I was in love with him. That's when I thought he's perfect and flawless. Now,after we're sorta living together, I saw all the rest and I still wanna stay. So I guess I love him.

My friends and family do know him and they all like him. Then again,I don't really bother asking them about this specific case because I know they'll sugar coat it. And even if they don't, I'd think they are

[evanescentworld]

Hey guys,

 

thanks for the replies! I do respect him for not saying it, that's one of the qualities I respect about him - he's painfully honest.

I don't see this as 'honesty'. I'm afraid I see this as avoidance.

 

That's why I trust him a 100% because I know that he'll always serve it to me as it is. Maybe that's the reason why I'm still with him - because I know that if he wanted us to break up, he wouldn't wait another minute.

Yes, I thought that too, about 3 of my exes.... never discount the possible, however improbable you may believe it to be.

 

He's also quite attractive (and I'm not saying this just because he's my bf) and he always gets a lot of attention for girls, so he's definitely not staying in this relationship out of lack of options.

so if he can't bring himself to say I love you - why is he staying, exactly? Convenience...?

 

But I do agree that when you know it,you know it-like I do. I was in love with him. That's when I thought he's perfect and flawless.

Pity you even thought this, as nobody ever is.

Now,after we're sorta living together, I saw all the rest and I still wanna stay. So I guess I love him.

THis worries me. I see this as a 60/40 ratio....

 

My friends and family do know him and they all like him.

So what? peter Sutcliffe's In-Laws all liked him, too...

 

Then again,I don't really bother asking them about this specific case because I know they'll sugar coat it. And even if they don't, I'd think they are

So, honestly?

What's your gut feeling?

[clia]

Hey guys,

But I do agree that when you know it,you know it-like I do. I was in love with him. That's when I thought he's perfect and flawless. Now,after we're sorta living together, I saw all the rest and I still wanna stay. So I guess I love him. My friends and family do know him and they all like him.

 

What does this mean? So, you are sorta living a man who won't say "I love you" as you are snuggling in bed together at night and/or first thing in the morning?

[Galathea]

What does this mean? So, you are sorta living a man who won't say "I love you" as you are snuggling in bed together at night and/or first thing in the morning?

 

He says things like 'you're the best girlfriend in the world', but no I love you's,nope.

[clia]

But what do you mean by "sorta living together"?

[Galathea]

We live in different cities...so I spent most of the week at his place.

[evanescentworld]

He says things like 'you're the best girlfriend in the world', but no I love you's,nope.

 

Why, oh why does this leave a bitter taste in my mouth?

if you're "The best girlfriend in the world" then by his own admission, he can't do better than you - so why can't he tell the best woman in the world, he loves her?

There's nobody better to say it to, apparently!

And if he already thinks that - then why -

 

He .... said he needed time to say it back.

What is he actually waiting for? How can he expect you to improve on being 'the best girlfriend in the world'....?! No time like the present!

 

I said I was ok with that. I lied.

I trust you now see what a huge mistake that was.

Now he thinks it's perfectly OK to keep you dangling, because you are not going to put any pressure on him.

He can take all the time he needs, he's had it handed to him by the best GF in the world...

 

Oh dear....

 

You need to end this.

And if he asks why, tell him that you love him too much.

And by that, you mean, evidently more than he loves you.

And you don't want to be in a relationship where the disparity is so evident...

 

It's ok, nobody's affections can be absolutely totally evenly matched. It's impossible to measure.

 

But if he tells you that you're the best GF in the world, then what's not to love?

[Gloria25]

Hey Clia,

 

Well,it was about maybe two or three weeks ago..and our half a year anniversary was this week.

 

Ok, so now we are celebrating "half year" anniversaries?

 

Am I turning into an old flubby dub or what?

[evanescentworld]

...Or 'what'.

[Targetlock]

Better he says it when he means it and not because he feels pressured into saying it, because then it is more much more real and genuine

[evanescentworld]

Ok, fair enough.... but how long would it take you - 6 months - ?

 

And once your partner's said it to you, wouldn't you feel it necessary to at least examine your own attitude and input?

 

I mean, if after 6 months, he's not ready and needs more time...

 

I dunno... I really find that time-frame a little astounding, to be honest....

[tobrieornottobrie]

Have you talked to him about it since the first conversation that you had? I think honest and open communication about this topic is vital. Best of luck to you, friend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the brie's cheese knees

[Galathea]

I haven't..I just don't have the heart to start the conversation,I'm a bit afraid of what I might hear. Also,I know him quite well, and I know he'll feel trapped and pressured and he'll close off to me. What I've discovered to be the best method when we're having a discussion and I see it's not going anywhere because he gets frustrated that I can't read mind, is just saying 'ok,I'm here and ready to listen whenever you feel like opening up.' And it usually works. It's just that for me, as a person who easily and openly expresses emotions, it's really hard to be so patient all the time. Especially when I need some type of validation of his feelings. And don't get me wrong, he treats me very well and he has given me plenty of his space and time. Sometimes I tell him that he should go out without me, just with his friends, but he always drags me out of his house so I'd join. He gets his attention from ladies but never gives in. He never forgets to kiss me goodnight and good morning. He helped through a difficult period. I know all of these are good signs but I wonder whether he's just being a good person or he actually loves me. What is it with men and self expression anyway?

[preraph]

Those words are a commitment of sorts when the man says them. He may feel like saying them, but until he's ready to back that up with some real commitment and forward movement, he's responsible enough not to say them. Don't take it the wrong way. And shut up about it. Don't put any more pressure on him. To you, love is a feeling. To him, it's a commitment and some responsibility he'll need to take on.

 

Just be glad he didn't say it in the heat of passion and then take it back like on "The Nanny." That happened to me. Grrrrr. He did love me, too, but he knew we couldn't be long-term, so he wasn't ever going to say it.

[Galathea]

Whoa,'to you love is an emotion,to him - a commitment' actually makes so much sense . Plus, I was randomly drunk singing Stevie Nicks's 'Dreams' the other night. Thumbs up

[Thegreatestthing]

Well it's nice that you're so in love with him and that the relationship is going well,I do find it really odd that the Relationship has been going on for six months and you still can't say I love you to each other,that said some people move at a much slower pace.

 

it's not great that you feel you have to always suppress your adoration for him,

in a loving relationship you express your love for one another openly, you don't have to worry so much about them accepting it.

 

I don't think you feel very secure in the relationship,and this I love you incident hasn't helped,give him a few more months to get there but if he still doesn't know if he loves you after a year,forget it.

 

Hi guys! This is my first post here and since I'm not a person that would usually write on forums (I barely use social media in general), you can imagine how confused I am. I made a profile here just because I am really,really desperate for opinions different than my friends'.

 

So here's the story. I've been dating this guy for half a year now. I am deeply,madly,truly in love with him. What's more, I love him. He's treating me really well. He spends most of his time with me,we've talked every single day for the past six months in one form or another. He's already introduced me to his whole family, cousins, uncles and aunties included . I've introduced him to my family as well - he actually came to visit my home country in the summer. At the beginning of our relationship he used to make all these plans about us being together. He used to even joke about our future kids. I must admit, I felt a bit freaked out because for me this was too much,too soon. But as our relationship evolved, I realised that I can not imagine myself with anyone else but him. I love everything about him - the pretty, the ugly, and the quirky.

 

For a very long time I tried to withhold my adoration for him. Those three words were always pushing their way through my mouth, but I managed to keep control. Until one morning I couldn't take it anymore. I told him that I love him and that I don't want him to say it back. I told him that I knew that he likes me a lot,but I knew that he doesn't love me. At least not yet. He said that he knew that I love him,he could tell by the way I look at him. He also said he needed time to say it back. I said I was ok with that. I lied.

 

Since then our relationship continued in the same old way but I can't help to wonder every now and then whether he simply can not say those words because he has difficulty expressing his emotions (which is an easy excuse) or because he's simply not that into me. I realised that all that talk about us building a family might have just been part of the honey moon phase. The fact that he might be leaving the country in 2 years time does not make it any easier because sometimes I feel I should end this relationship and find someone that is not afraid to openly love me and stay with me.

 

So...could anyone please help me out on this one? Should I chose an easy exit or should I stay and patiently wait until he's ready?

[misty12]

 

I told him that I love him and that I don't want him to say it back. I told him that I knew that he likes me a lot,but I knew that he doesn't love me. At least not yet. He said that he knew that I love him,he could tell by the way I look at him. He also said he needed time to say it back. I said I was ok with that. I lied.

 

 

I'm confused why you would say this (the bolded part)? You were telling him how he feels, instead of letting him tell you.

 

I think 6 months is more than enough time. If he doesn't know by now, it's time to move on.

[preraph]

Whoa,'to you love is an emotion,to him - a commitment' actually makes so much sense . Plus, I was randomly drunk singing Stevie Nicks's 'Dreams' the other night. Thumbs up

 

Well, that'll get you in trouble every time.