Author Darren2013 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 Yes, but that's not a way to say "I love you" That's rightful participation in living together. Anyway, why are you at home for so long, while she's out working? Do you not have a job? Different work schedules.
evanescentworld Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 It isn't reheated but it is kept heated at a steady temperature. To answer your question I would rather risk getting it ready too early than too late. I'd rather get home and smell the wonderful smell of home cooking, knowing it's being prepared fresh, and I have a great meal to look forward to. I don't want 2-hour-old heated food being put in front of me. Peiople can get that easily enough at a cheap hotel that does cooked breakfasts.... And as a trained food specialist, you have to keep food warm, for a maximum of 1 hour, to maintain its integrity and eatability. Food kept at below the optimum temperature, for two long, just encourages bacterial growth - which leads to food poisoning.
ASG Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 It isn't reheated but it is kept heated at a steady temperature. To answer your question I would rather risk getting it ready too early than too late. That would overcook the food, though. Food that is kept heated for that long tends to not be great. Yes, but that's not a way to say "I love you" That's rightful participation in living together. Anyway, why are you at home for so long, while she's out working? Do you not have a job? He just had a day off. And decided to start making dinner at lunch time!
evanescentworld Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Different work schedules. So.... she might make you breakfast? What do you do that means you can be preparing food 3 hours before she gets in?
ASG Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I'd rather get home and smell the wonderful smell of home cooking, knowing it's being prepared fresh, and I have a great meal to look forward to. I don't want 2-hour-old heated food being put in front of me. Peiople can get that easily enough at a cheap hotel that does cooked breakfasts.... And as a trained food specialist, you have to keep food warm, for a maximum of 1 hour, to maintain its integrity and eatability. Food kept at below the optimum temperature, for two long, just encourages bacterial growth - which leads to food poisoning. Yeap!! This!!! I recently cooked for my FWB. I had the day off, so could have done it at any time. I, however, timed to when he was getting back! And when he arrived, I was still cooking and the smell was lovely and then we ate nice, fresh, hot food that I had just finished cooking! Much better than a meal prepared 2 hours early.
Emilia Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Different people want to be appreciated in different ways. Some by gestures, others by words, gifts, etc. It's not a man or a woman thing. The Five Love Languages - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia 2
evanescentworld Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 And...Darren2013? This one's a biggie: ....He also writes that people should not use the love languages that they like the most but rather the love languages that their loved ones can receive I love you, isn't about how saying it makes you feel. I love you is about how saying it makes them feel. 2
sillyanswer Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Sillyanswer's guide for when men should say I love you: 1) when he loves her and she's within hearing distance, say it. 2) stop saying it if she tells you to stop or to go away. 3) remember to leave room for other conversation otherwise it gets boring. 2
Author Darren2013 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 Different people want to be appreciated in different ways. Some by gestures, others by words, gifts, etc. It's not a man or a woman thing. The Five Love Languages - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia I prefer hearing her say I love you but I don't want her to know that's how I prefer to be appreciated.
Emilia Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I prefer hearing her say I love you but I don't want her to know that's how I prefer to be appreciated. Yes I remember you said the same thing in another thread. My response was that this is exactly the reason for your lack of success: your inability to emotionally connect. 2
ASG Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I prefer hearing her say I love you but I don't want her to know that's how I prefer to be appreciated. Why would you not want her to know that? What is wrong with her knowing this fact??
Author Darren2013 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 No that is not the reason. There are certain things that she does not need to know because it wouldn't benefit at all for her to know.
Toodaloo Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I prefer hearing her say I love you but I don't want her to know that's how I prefer to be appreciated. Darren how on earth is she going to know how you like to be appreciated if you are not going to tell her? My head is hurting from banging it against a brick wall. I have a massive bruise now... Honey you are never going to be happy unless you stop expecting people to be mind readers and help them along a bit. I know your intentions are in the right place and you are just trying to protect yourself but really you need to let a little go and give yourself a chance. 3
Author Darren2013 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 Why would you not want her to know that? What is wrong with her knowing this fact?? Because then if she says I love you without her knowing that this is my type of love language then I will know that it is her idea and not saying it just to please me. The whole point of dating is to find someone who will do things because it is their idea and without me having to tell them what I like and do not like.
CaliGypsy Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Darren , you need to spend more time living and less focused on all these rules you make up. 7
Emilia Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 No that is not the reason. There are certain things that she does not need to know because it wouldn't benefit at all for her to know. If you can't build emotional connections with people, you can't have meaningful relationships where others care about you. 1
ASG Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Because then if she says I love you without her knowing that this is my type of love language then I will know that it is her idea and not saying it just to please me. The whole point of dating is to find someone who will do things because it is their idea and without me having to tell them what I like and do not like. No. People are NOT mind readers. And communication is KEY. Have you learned NOTHING, being on LS for this long? If you can't communicate with your partner, then what's the point of the relationship? And that includes communicating your feelings, your fears and dreams and your preferences. And then your partner will do it to please YOU! Just as is intended! And hopefully, you'll do the same thing to her and please HER. Otherwise, the relationship is doomed to failure. 1
Author Darren2013 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 And if I am not happy in a relationship then I get out. As one poster said I am free to end it at anytime as long as I am not married to her. I don't believe in sitting down and having a talk with my significant other about why I am not happy. I just tell her I don't want it anymore and wish her the best. One rule of dating is that I'm not going to try and change the other person. I just get out if they are doing something that annoys me.
ASG Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 And if I am not happy in a relationship then I get out. As one poster said I am free to end it at anytime as long as I am not married to her. I don't believe in sitting down and having a talk with my significant other about why I am not happy. I just tell her I don't want it anymore and wish her the best. One rule of dating is that I'm not going to try and change the other person. I just get out if they are doing something that annoys me. And again I ask... have you ever had a girlfriend???? 2
Author Darren2013 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 Yes I have been in 5 long term relationships before. The longest one lasting 4 years. And yes there were things I wasn't happy about that I never talked to them about simply because I don't see what benefit could be derived from talking it over. She is her own person and I can't expect her to change. For example I don't like it when girlfriends keep in contact with exes on Facebook. Now I am not going to tell her what to do. She has every right to keep in contact with whoever. But it concerns me what reason she would have to keep in contact with exes. So I just end the relationship instead and say I think our relationship has run its course. Hopefully I will find someone who comes to her own conclusion that there's no reason for her to keep in contact with exes.
Got it Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Because it is not manly to talk about my feelings too often. Oh lordy. Why play games? Following a "script" about what is manly, what is womanly, etc. are all games. If you feel it, say it. And the proper response is not "why" unless you really can't figure out why/how someone can love you. A simple thank you would suffice. And I would not assume that your idea that love needs to be shown through actions over words is for everyone. While, yes, big picture actions need to back up words, everyone's love language differs so for some words of affirmation is a true and much needed need. So this is a person where this would not mesh well with. But not all woman are like this. So a woman where words of affirmation isn't important to them, your style would be a great pairing.
eye of the storm Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Darren, they are going to do things that annoy you. I don't care how much you love someone or how healthy your relationship is, eventually they will annoy you. How you, and how they deal with that, is were being in a healthy relationship comes in to play. It is called communication. I know a couple that shows one example of how to handle annoyances. She has an expression that she has used all her life, for what ever reason, he hates it. Every time she says it around him she has to give him a dime. I asked her how often she runs out of dimes and she told me she gets them back ever night. She sits on his lap after the kids have gone to bed and kisses him until she gets all her dimes back. After about 22 years...I think they both just use this as a way of staying connected. He loves reminding her to pay him his dimes, she loves getting them back. What they did was take something that could have driven a wedge between them (tiny as it was) and used it as a tool to be stronger. getting annoyed is fine, its in how you both handle it that matters. You express your wants and needs, they express theirs. You both work together to meet each others need/wants. And I call bull$hit on the it is not manly to express your feelings. My dad never had a problem telling my mom he loved her and he was as manly a man as could be. My best friends husband is a bear of a man, and he has no problem showing and telling not only his wife but everyone else how much he loves her. It is a beautiful thing. By letting your partner know how you feel, it makes them feel more secure in the relationship. It makes them feel safer to grow and invest in the relationship. By trying to keep your partner off balance, what you are doing is preventing them from investing in the relationship. They will feel it is not a secure option and will eventually look for more stable ground. There is a saying, you will never win the lottery if you don't play. Well, by making all these rules to keep yourself safe and to ensure the evil sex starved females don't control you or think you like them more than they like you...you are ensuring that you will never win the lottery. To find a partner, you have to open yourself up. You have to risk pain. And it doesn't always work out. Sometimes it hurts. But, sometimes it is so magical and amazing that words just can't describe it. Darren, take a risk. Try to open yourself. if you feel love, tell them. Love is always a gift. Giving it away doesn't take anything from you. And often it brings back way more than you sent out. 5
Got it Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Yes I have been in 5 long term relationships before. The longest one lasting 4 years. And yes there were things I wasn't happy about that I never talked to them about simply because I don't see what benefit could be derived from talking it over. She is her own person and I can't expect her to change. For example I don't like it when girlfriends keep in contact with exes on Facebook. Now I am not going to tell her what to do. She has every right to keep in contact with whoever. But it concerns me what reason she would have to keep in contact with exes. So I just end the relationship instead and say I think our relationship has run its course. Hopefully I will find someone who comes to her own conclusion that there's no reason for her to keep in contact with exes. Oh good lord. Good luck with that approach then. This is a very similar approach that women get accused of, getting upset and expecting their male counterpart to know why, "because if they loved me they would know" philosophy. It goes over like a lead balloon. NO ONE will meet your qualifications because you are looking for a carbon copy of you. You are not looking to meet in the middle, to learn and grow, you are looking for a psychic. Okay, maybe that is what you need, a psychic. 2
Gloria25 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I think people blurting the "ILY" is overrated and I think most people have no clue what love really means... The only time I remember saying "ILY" to a guy was when I said it to myself and it was in the middle of having sex with my 6 yr guy. Eh, now that I look back, that wasn't love. We clicked together and had great times - but I can't honestly say I had "awe, admiration, and/or respect" for him. The only other time I remember a guy telling me ILY was after barely 3 months of me seeing him. Now yes, I liked him a lot, and I treated him well...so, I could see where he would have those feelings. But, he caught me off guard. I tried to tell him that "I'm with him, and that I'm going nowhere" - but cuz he caught me off guard, I couldn't think in the moment the right thing to say, cuz while we were doing great as a couple and I didn't even adopt the definition of "love" that I now have, I knew three months was too short for us to be throwing that around. Well, he took it hard and that's when he started with the games, trying to make me jealous and eventually leaving me for the town ho. I spent the rest of the "RL" and even after we broke up, trying to make up for his disappointment - but it didn't matter. Now that I look back, I'm glad I didn't get back with him. Before he left me for the town skank, he was already divorced from an older woman who was a manipulator...then, I ran into him years after and found out he married a foreign chick only after being on assignment in her country for 6 months...I think they also divorced. So, to sum it up, he had stuff going on with him and my lack of saying ILY in three months wasn't the issue. Also, his older ex, the town skank/ho, and that foreign chick just were manipulators. I'm sure they were blurting ILYs after a week of getting with him.
Gloria25 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Yes I have been in 5 long term relationships before. The longest one lasting 4 years. And yes there were things I wasn't happy about that I never talked to them about simply because I don't see what benefit could be derived from talking it over. She is her own person and I can't expect her to change. For example I don't like it when girlfriends keep in contact with exes on Facebook. Now I am not going to tell her what to do. She has every right to keep in contact with whoever. But it concerns me what reason she would have to keep in contact with exes. So I just end the relationship instead and say I think our relationship has run its course. Hopefully I will find someone who comes to her own conclusion that there's no reason for her to keep in contact with exes. Agreed ^^. IMO, why have a "talk" with someone when they're doing something that is blatantly wrong or a deal breaker for you? We don't date to change people, we date to see if they are what we are looking for. I mean, you can try talking to them about it and see if they'll compromise, but certain things - like regular/frequent communications with exes (especially in lieu of your current bf/gf) could be more than just a simple difference in personalities.
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