Mauve Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Just incase someone wants to know the whole story before giving advice I previously posted about this ex before: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/494303-getting-over-perfect-boyfriend#post5906716 It's been 3 months since me and my ex ended - I never contacted him after the 1 month no contact because well I wanted to move on, I still stalked his social media like every day but I was never going to try get back with him. We broke up because I was needy and controlling, both to which I admit to although he did have habits with taking drugs and smoking weed. We just werent good for eachother. But yesterday was my birthday - NOT AT ALL did I expect to get a happy birthday message from him like it didn't even cross my mind so I just answered saying "Thank you" to which he said "np, how is things anyway?" just casual conversation. I admit I got my hopes up a bit that he would beg for me back and I could reject him and feel amazing about myself. But then he asked me "So are you and *guys name* together yet?" (It was one of my male friends I was close to while me and him were together and he was jealous a lot) I said "No but why are you asking", and he said "Yous seemed good for eachother" As soon as I read that message I just locked my phone and went straight to sleep. I was happy with never talking to him again because I was satisfied with how the conversation went - it showed he still thought about me and I'm the type who finds it easier to move on when I know stuff like that. But then I woke up in the morning with another message from him. He sent it RIGHT after the first one but because I just fell straight asleep I didn't read it and it said "I'm not trying to get to u or chat u up or that dw I have a girlfriend x" Of course when I read it I thought it was just him saying he has a girlfriend so that I would be hurt but then I checked his facebook through my friends (I have him blocked on mine). And of course he JUST set his facebook to in a relationship with the girl. So it's definitely true. Their friends were commenting stuff like "About time this happened!!!" Etc. So it's obvious they've kinda had a thing. I have to admit I took it so much better than I thought I ever would I cried a little but and then I brainstormed what to answer to him and after help from friends I replied on skype saying "Aw that's good!! I'm seeing someone too although we haven't made it official because of his ex" (which FYI isn't true. I just felt better saying it) Then I sent another just changing the topic asking about his friend that I know, and hes offline atm so he hasn't responded. Do you think I handled this well? I don't want to get back with him, of course a part of me does - but I know I can find better, he was very into drugs - we never left the house together and he was romantic and sweet but I couldn't see myself with him in the future. I just want it to seem like I don't mind that he has a girlfriend. My main question is - if he just got a new girlfriend why did he message his ex right after it became official? Thanks for anyone who addresses even just one nevermind all the questions I have in this post!!
evanescentworld Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 To be honest with you, you handled it appallingly. Your biggest mistake was acknowledging his birthday wishes. Basically, any attention is attention to his ego, and by telling lies about your status (going out with a new guy unofficially) just smacks of desperation. Really, you need to change your 'phone number, quit checking on him, and go No Contact properly, for good. (Changing a phone number really isn't a huge deal. I have done it before, more than once, and trust me, it's not complicated, and doesn't do any harm). The whole thing sounded very immature, and really, I think you're better than that.
Author Mauve Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 To be honest with you, you handled it appallingly. Your biggest mistake was acknowledging his birthday wishes. Basically, any attention is attention to his ego, and by telling lies about your status (going out with a new guy unofficially) just smacks of desperation. Really, you need to change your 'phone number, quit checking on him, and go No Contact properly, for good. (Changing a phone number really isn't a huge deal. I have done it before, more than once, and trust me, it's not complicated, and doesn't do any harm). The whole thing sounded very immature, and really, I think you're better than that. I've already had his number blocked and everything else blocked since we broke up - it was just because I was only signed in on skype to say thank you for the birthday wishes - I'm never actually on it so I guess he took his chance. Thanks for the advice!!
Rainah Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I think you should have stuck with NC. How would you feel if you got with a guy and on the day you got together he started to message his ex?
ExpatInItaly Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 No, sorry. but I don't think you handled it well. You should've stopped the conversation after your "thank you" message to his birthday wish. You've just re-opened the wound and it's going to take even longer to heal now. Who gives a flying crap what he thinks about you? (ie. that you "don't mind" that he has a new girlfriend) That indicates that you're still placing too much value on him and your image that you present to him. Go real No Contact. (this will include deleting him from your social media and not responding to him at all)
evanescentworld Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I've already had his number blocked and everything else blocked since we broke up - it was just because I was only signed in on skype to say thank you for the birthday wishes - I'm never actually on it so I guess he took his chance. Thanks for the advice!! I gather he's now no longer in your skype profile/directory....?
Recommended Posts