lucy_in_disguise Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 This may be a weird question, but i am wondering how long (# dates) it takes people (women) to gauge their level of sexual attraction to someone. I recently started OLD in earnest and don't have a lot of experience with dating guys i dont already know pretty well in some other context (work, friends). So, its a new experience for me to be going on dates with guys im not already certain i want to sleep with. I'm finding it difficult to consider my sexual attraction toward these guys on the first few dates. I always read threads about women "accidentally" ending up in bed with guys from online on their 1st or 2nd dates and cant see that happening for me unless i was severely impaired. Is this normal and consistent with how i normally operate (ie it takes getting to know someone better and/ or a lot of alcohol for me to consider them sexually)? Or am i probably not into these guys? There is someone specific this thread is about. Ive been on 2 great dates with a guy that seems awesome. Im not sure i can see myself sleeping with him tho. He has not made any physical moves which may be part of the problem. Should i give it a few more dates to see if our chemistry builds, or let him go now to avoid leading him on?
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 He seems awesome, but you're not attracted to him? Or you just can't see a sexual side with him yet? If option B, I would give it some more time.
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 He seems awesome, but you're not attracted to him? Or you just can't see a sexual side with him yet? If option B, I would give it some more time. That's my question hahah... how do i distinguish between A and B? If i have to ask, does that mean im not attracted? Or is it too soon to tell? I do know ive been on an emotional high after our dates and cant stop thinking about him... but not in a sexual context, more like my mind is blown by how close he seems to what im looking for.
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I would give it more time. For some, it takes time for the sexual desire to develop. He is, essentially, still a stranger.
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 I would give it more time. For some, it takes time for the sexual desire to develop. He is, essentially, still a stranger. Thanks, i was hoping to hear this, because i really like him! I dont want to lead him (or anyone else) on tho if its just not gonna happen for me. I should be honest and add that i think there is a specific issue thats giving me pause. Fitness is very important to me and this guy does not measure up to my standards in this category. Its actually not about his appearance so much as his admission that hes out of shape. I have attempted to date guys who didnt work out in the past and i couldnt accept it- now its a deal breaker for me. I am looking for someone who values fitness. Im also looking for someone who is extremely intelligent, successful, preferably younger, and a great conversationalist, who shares my values and sense of humor, and wants the same things out of life - lol- and he seems to meet the other items on my exhaustive list of requirements. I like him enough to where i would consider bringing up the fitness thing to see if he would be open to getting in better shape but not sure if that would be totally psycho or not.
CaliGypsy Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 (edited) It sounds like you like this guy quite a bit. I'd wait to form my final opinion until there was some kind of physical contact. I've only met two guys from OLD . The first. He hugged me when we met and I cringed. I don't know why. The rest of the date went ok, but we both knew it wasn't happening. The other one? He gave me a hug at the end of our initial meet up and I knew instantly I wanted to see him again. You'll know when you know. (Lol made sense to me ) I don't think you're leading him on at this point. Not unless you're certain he's not for you Edited November 17, 2014 by CaliGypsy
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