Invictus01 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Been seeing this girl for the last 6 months. Long distance dating. Met her while I was back in what I consider to be my home town for a wedding. I am 37, she is 26. I would normally not even consider dating a girl in mid 20s 'cause I can't deal with what girls that age tend to dish out, but I was so damn impressed by this one and her maturity, I said "Alright, maybe???" Anyway, I'd go back there once a month, she would visit me at my place. Stayed in touch over the phone all the time (how we didn't take down AT&T's network with the number of texts we exchanged, I have no idea). Good times... Three weeks ago her and I were picking the weekend in December I could visit her since her trip to me fell through 'cause things at work changed (She had to fire a bunch of people and had no one to cover). Two weeks ago it was 6 months since I met her, so I sent her some flowers with a note. She was all excited and happy about that. And then... things got weird. Day by day I could sense her getting colder and more distant. Less and less communication (crazy busy at work, phone died, out with friends, etc). Fewer and fewer smilies in her texts. Shorter and more pissed off replies. Got to the point where it really became comical. I'd text her, she would wait 3 hour to the minute to reply. Like she read some damn Cosmo article on how to deal with guys and decided to try it out. So, after Saturday when we barely stayed in touch, I decided that it is really BS. That's the kind of mutual brain screwing that I hate in relationships. I didn't wanna call her out with "What's wrong?" and stuff like that and come across as a needy insecure a$$ in the process. From my past screw ups I know that the second you start pressuring a girl with those questions, she pulls away even more 'cause you come across needy as hell. So, I thought about it and sent her the following "Hey, I will mention this once and will never bring it up again. I know you have been super stressed over all sorts of things in the past month and busy as hell with work... But if you ever feel like talking about it or anything else, I am here to listen and offer advice if needed 'cause I really care about you. That is all. This message will self destruct the second you read it. Hope you feel better :)" To which I received no reply. For the first time in over 6 months I didn't hear a single word from her yesterday. I don't think I really have too much of a choice here but to stop communication until I hear something from her since it doesn't look like she is in the mood to talk to me right now. Well, at least I hope to hear something from her. I just really find it difficult to believe that she would just walk away from me like this after all the time we spent staying in touch. The girl doesn't lack balls to tell people straight up what's up (that's one of the things I like about her) And... if I don't hear from her until my trip the first week of December, do I try to get in touch with her then? I am not sure if I wanna give up on us... if there is still us...
evanescentworld Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 ..... So, after Saturday when we barely stayed in touch, I decided that it is really BS. That's the kind of mutual brain screwing that I hate in relationships. I didn't wanna call her out with "What's wrong?" and stuff like that and come across as a needy insecure a$$ in the process. From my past screw ups I know that the second you start pressuring a girl with those questions, she pulls away even more 'cause you come across needy as hell. All good.... So, I thought about it and sent her the following BIG Mistake.... "Hey, I will mention this once and will never bring it up again. I know you have been super stressed over all sorts of things in the past month and busy as hell with work... But if you ever feel like talking about it or anything else, I am here to listen and offer advice if needed 'cause I really care about you. That is all. This message will self destruct the second you read it. Hope you feel better :)" All bad. Still clingy, still pestering, still doing everything you just said above, you wouldn't do... To which I received no reply. For the first time in over 6 months I didn't hear a single word from her yesterday. Well of course not - she's with the other guy, silly! I don't think I really have too much of a choice here but to stop communication until I hear something from her since it doesn't look like she is in the mood to talk to me right now. Well, at least I hope to hear something from her. No. Hope you don't. because all you'll hear are lies, excuses, and she will stone-wall you or turn it round on you... I just really find it difficult to believe that she would just walk away from me like this after all the time we spent staying in touch. The girl doesn't lack balls to tell people straight up what's up (that's one of the things I like about her) Bull. What you mean is, you have seen how she behaves with people she isn't in a relationship with. She acts differently with people who have no vested interest in her. This is different. This is a unique situation. And she's handling it precisely in the same way every "cold hard bitch" does. She goes silent, won't give you the time of day, and is letting you figure it out for yourself. And... if I don't hear from her until my trip the first week of December, do I try to get in touch with her then? I am not sure if I wanna give up on us... if there is still us... Well, if you break up with her, obviously you're doing her dirty work for her. Drop off the radar, go silent, No Contact - and let her come to you. Seriously. Be like a ghost. Eventually, she will, out of sheer guilt and curiosity, 'tap you on the shoulder'... Until that moment, don't do a blind, damn thing. Not a one.
Author Invictus01 Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 I thought about it for a while... and I think I now realize something. I was her rebound guy. She was a little over 2 months out of a 1.5 year relationship where the dude didn't treat her right so she broke it off. Stayed single for a couple of months. Then she found me. She really approached me first. She did all the chasing in the beginning. I made her feel like she didn't feel with her ex with constant encouragement and attention. And then, as it is always the case with rebounds, they are left behind for some "me" time. So, really, the last 6 months weren't real. At least not for her. The funny part is that it is a second consecutive rebound relationship I ended up in. I am a little thick-witted when it comes to this ****. Going forward, will literally stand up and walk away from the first date if she tells me she is less than 6 month out of a long term relationship. Eff that!
johnson_j Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 The funny part is that it is a second consecutive rebound relationship I ended up in. I am a little thick-witted when it comes to this ****. Going forward, will literally stand up and walk away from the first date if she tells me she is less than 6 month out of a long term relationship. Eff that! That's a great policy to have. The only thing you can do at this point is chalk it up as a loss and don't even give her the dignity of a reply when she reaches out. And if she doesn't, that says even more about her character. 1
Author Invictus01 Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 That's a great policy to have. The only thing you can do at this point is chalk it up as a loss and don't even give her the dignity of a reply when she reaches out. And if she doesn't, that says even more about her character. Um, yeah. The first rebound actually came back 10 months later. Told me she went back to her ex, things changed in the beginning, then became the same. I was sitting there laughing my ass off 'cause at that point of time I didn't give a **** anymore, that's why agreed to meet up with her. Then she told me that I am the greatest guy she has ever dated and I was so great to her and how about we try it again, think about it. I thought about it. And never called her back. Should have learned from that experience
Zahara Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I just really find it difficult to believe that she would just walk away from me like this after all the time we spent staying in touch. It doesn't serve you well to project the value you have for her and what you had, on her. She may not feel the same way you do. The girl doesn't lack balls to tell people straight up what's up (that's one of the things I like about her) Two different things. It's not the same when dealing with someone that you know is emotionally invested in you. And... if I don't hear from her until my trip the first week of December, do I try to get in touch with her then? No, you don't reach out. Her silence is your answer. I am not sure if I wanna give up on us... if there is still us... Takes two. Unfortunately, you can't cling when the other has let go.
Author Invictus01 Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 And as clockwork, got a Facebook message from a girl I dropped right after I met this cluster of a dating experience (so that I can be dumped a few months later) asking me if I wanna join her and her friend for the Thanksgiving dinner... If I had a slightest degree of an ********* in me, she would make a great rebound. But I just can't do that to people.
Author Invictus01 Posted November 20, 2014 Author Posted November 20, 2014 No contact day #3... The next 2 weeks will be the crappiest. Thanksgiving that we planned on spending together. Then my trip back to her town we scheduled together. Hopefully it will get better afterwards. I can't break and contact her, I just can't. I know it sounds pathetic and pretty comical but it really bothers me that she took off her Fitbit I gave her for her birthday back in August. She was sooo excited about it. She pops up on the list of friends I have on the app and, as of Sunday, it hasn't registered any steps meaning that it hasn't been worn. Yeah, it surely are little things that count... I know it shouldn't concern me anymore and I'll never find the answer inside of my own head... but wtf have I done to be thrown out of her life with this kind of ease without even an explanation? Like 6 months of my life were a mirage. Like that first time we met at the wedding weekend in May and had such a crazy connection right away (as she said it, it was like a movie) that I decided to break my own rule of no long distance relationships without even thinking twice... like it was some sort of a freakin' dream, like all of it didn't ever exist. Crazy, man... simply crazy...
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