liove Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 so i've been dating this guy like for a month (5th date yesterday), we havent slept together yet and he suprised me in an awkward way: he bought me an expensive gift and i dont know how to react. actually it scares me a little...after only 5 dates, he barely knows me. i offered to paid the dinner for him to "make it up" but i feel awkward like he's trying to "buy" my feelings or something and that he is giving too much too early. he tells me he really likes me but i dont feel quite the same (i think i nees more time). he is nice, i like him physically but i dont know... he told me that he felt like buying me this so he did it... what do you think? am i exagerating? he seems like a very sensitive good man and i am not used to this kind of behavior so early in the relationship.
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I'd refuse to accept an expensive gift or give it back. If he gave you a $10 stuffed animal or a t-shirt, that would be no big deal but something high priced, it's too soon.
clia Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 so i've been dating this guy like for a month (5th date yesterday), we havent slept together yet and he suprised me in an awkward way: he bought me an expensive gift and i dont know how to react. actually it scares me a little...after only 5 dates, he barely knows me. i offered to paid the dinner for him to "make it up" but i feel awkward like he's trying to "buy" my feelings or something and that he is giving too much too early. he tells me he really likes me but i dont feel quite the same (i think i nees more time). he is nice, i like him physically but i dont know... he told me that he felt like buying me this so he did it... what do you think? am i exagerating? he seems like a very sensitive good man and i am not used to this kind of behavior so early in the relationship. How expensive are we talking? Is it possible he's just a generous person? Is he financially able to buy you such an expensive gift? Some people do just like to buy things for people and there is no reason to read anything more into it than that. He may have just thought it would make you happy. If you feel awkward about it, just tell him you feel awkward about it at this stage in the relationship and give it back to him.
Redhead14 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 How do you feel about him? Do you want to keep dating him? Do you want to have sex with him? If you're ambivalent about him at the moment, I'd say you can't accept such an expensive gift from him, but that you appreciate the sentiment. If you like him enough to keep dating him and he is likely to keep dating you since he's done this, you can accept the gift. However, I'd also have some kind of exclusivity talk with him because probably, in his mind at least, you two will be having sex soon. 1
Andy_K Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 This is why I don't like to buy gifts for girls (or expensive dinners for that matter) until after we've slept together. That way there's no worry that I'll look like I'm trying to 'buy' her attention.
Author liove Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 (edited) it's a perfume that costs more than 100 dollars. Idid not want to accept it at the beginning but he looked really sad when i refused it so i took it in the conditino i pay for the dinner. he has a nice job so i think that it wasnt a gap in his budget but still...besides, i might look like the kind of girl who likes expensive gifts and rich men because i love taking care of me and wearing expensive clothes..i dont want him to think that way about me he told me that he did this because he wanted to do it and to show me also ta te is serious about me i like him honestly, i feel attracted to him but i am not in love yet. and if he continues to be this gentle, i wont fall anytime sooner... also he is the kind of guy who seems a little distant at the beginning and he was scared i might think he is not interested because i told him also that i think that he is tinking about his ex (he dated her for 10 years) regarding sex, i think i am more willing to do it than him..he seems such a "no, i dont like sleeping with girls too early" i know it's not the case because he is a man...but still... anyway...sex? when he wants it baby ) Edited November 17, 2014 by liove
Redhead14 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 it's a perfume that costs more than 100 dollars. Idid not want to accept it at the beginning but he looked really sad when i refused it so i took it in the conditino i pay for the dinner. he has a nice job so i think that it wasnt a gap in his budget but still...besides, i might look like the kind of girl who likes expensive gifts and rich men because i love taking care of me and changing clothes all the time...i dont know what to think he told me that he did this because he wanted to do it and to show me also ta te is serious about me i like him honestly, i feel attracted to him but i am not in love yet. and if he continues to be this gentle, i wont fall anytime sooner... also he is the kind of guy who seems a little distant at the beginning and he was scared i might think he is not interested because i told him also that i think that he is tinking about his ex (he dated her for 10 years) regarding sex, i think i am more willing to do it than him..he seems such a "no, i dont like sleeping with girls too early" i know it's not the case because he is a man...but still... anyway...sex? when he wants it baby ) You should not be in love yet. What you should be at least is in the throws of the early relationship endorphins. If you're not experiencing that at least now, I'd say move on. And, don't have sex just to have sex if you're simply "turned on" by him. And, he is likely thinking about is ex if he dated her for 10 years and it ended. Do you know why it ended? If it ended badly, he will certainly be hesitant and he was but his actions and words now seem to say he's becoming less hesitant at least. If that is the case, and you don't know if you want to go forward with him, it will be a favor to him if you don't do anything that will lead him on or hurt him again.
Author liove Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 (edited) he left her for another girl... anyway, my question wasnt wether should i continue with him or not but rather: should i freak out about the gift or i am completely exagerating and it sould be him to freak out to date a crazy girl like me ) Edited November 17, 2014 by liove
clia Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 he left her for another girl... anyway, my question wasnt wether should i continue with him or not but rather: should i freak out about the gift or i am completely exagerating and it sould be him to freak out to date a crazy girl like me ) How much did he spend on the gift?
preraph Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I don't blame you for freaking out about the gift. You never know what someone is thinking. Maybe they're just nice and to him it wasn't that much money if he has money. But it really was kind of soon to be gifting. Usually it's girls you see doing that too soon and they don't understand why it freaks the guy out, but it's the same reason: Now you feel obligated or like you just agreed to something, but there's been no talk. The receiving end usually has some guilt over it if they aren't sure of their feelings, and it's too soon to be sure, so that's why it's not a good idea. But if it happens, I think all you can do is accept graciously and then see how the dating plays out and maybe keep the gift intact in case he does pull a maneuver thinking now you owe him something and you can always return it at that time. But honestly, it's usually not that simple. Usually the giver just wants to do something nice. It's just kind of too soon.
Author liove Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 i dont know. moer than 100 dollars for sure
slizl Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Money is different for everyone. I do pretty well for myself and I have had plenty of first, second, third dates (beginning dates) where I have gone to dinners which cost $100+ per person. My mom would always tell me I am sending the wrong signals that because I am showing too much interest by taking these girls out to these nice restaurants. I would explain to my mom that yes, they were nice places, but I would go there regardless whether I was on a date or not. I don't want to go to a place that I don't like because I am on a date....I guess the point is, money is relative. 1
todreaminblue Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 hey, talk to him , i seem to say this alot......but tell him how you feel, i have found often the best way to go is to express how you feel, when you dont do this, and you ask othrs what you should do , a whole lot of mess can happen when it could so easily be sorted out at the source of the issue. I also find that if you set up an honest open rapport with the guy you are dating .......future conversations become exactly that.....it becomes second nature to both to be open and un afraid of expressing how you feel.....to deal with issues together....quickly....quietly.....no fuss or muss....ask him why he bought you such an expensive gift and tell him exactly how you feel about it....make sure you are gracious in your responses....he bought you a gift.....be grateful.....doesnt mean you have to accept it unless of course you are comfortable with his reasons and you see and know it wasnt ulterior in nature.......deb
Author liove Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 (edited) when i received it, i told him of course that it makes me uncomfortable and that is like he he's trying to buy me (i am really straight and forward and honest) he told me that i misinterpret it he told me also that even if we stop seeing each other after that, there won't be any problem. he told me that he likes me a lot and that he thinks i am a real keeper and wanted to proove me that he cares ps: i forgot to mention that it was my favorite perfume which was stolen when travelling so he suprised me with the exact same perfume (i told him that my perfume was stolen because we were talking about perfumes not for any other reasons, i never never never expected him to buy me something) Edited November 18, 2014 by liove
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