frozengirl Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 This is what I have noticed happening a lot when it comes to dating, for instance that APP Tinder you swipe left or right on whether or not you find that person then SEE IF they want the same thing as you but mainly a lot of people use it for the obvious. This same formula comes in chat rooms like webcam one's like Omegle, Chatroulette, people next you based on your looks, it's like really? Is appearances really THAT important? Whatever happened to accepting people for who they were inside and outside? I have seen people who weren't the best looking getting married, engaged or dating and yet someone who looks decent can't find anything? Even little people midgets can find love and yet an ordinary person cannot? What happened to this world?
Anderlie Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Are you talking about yourself here? Maybe wondering sadly why the uggos and the freaks can find someone but you can't is an indicator of why you're struggling.... It's simple really, those people who find someone have a partner who found them attractive. Once the initial attraction is there they get to know each other and if they like that it continues. It's such a simple minded answer to say that we should always look to someone's inside. I'm sorry but if I'm not remotely attracted to someone's outside they could be the nicest person in the world and I won't date them. Looks matter but the best part about that is everyone likes something different. 2
somedude81 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Would you want to have sex with a guy you have absolutely zero physical attraction to?
jms_nov28 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Sometimes people can be un-photogenic. That doesn't mean they're unattractive in real life though. That's why online dating (Tinder, OKC, POF, and the like) is difficult. The truth is, when it comes to online dating - looks do matter. You can have an amazing personality, but people won't even bother if you don't have god-tier looks (obviously exaggerating). Don't get discouraged or let your ego take a huge blow. That's how the online game is. It can be a self-esteem killer. Try approaching people in person, that way you let your personality shine, and you showcase your good looks in person! I know plenty of people who are stunning in person, but their pictures don't do them any justice - and that's okay. Keep your head up!
Imported Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Whatever happened to accepting people for who they were inside and outside? I have seen people who weren't the best looking getting married, engaged or dating and yet someone who looks decent can't find anything? Even little people midgets can find love and yet an ordinary person cannot? What happened to this world? So, it's all about looks which is unfair and you're some self-assumed "decent" person with high quality and yet you can't find a man. While less attractive women than you are getting married. And OMG, even midgets can find love yet you can't? I don't understand OP. Is it about how people are shallow because of looks being the primary attractor or is it about how you're better looking than people that are having no problems findng someone they like enough to marry? 4
Lernaean_Hydra Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Whatever happened to accepting people for who they were inside and outside? You mean that time that never existed? Most folks will "accept people for who they are inside and out" so long as they find them attractive enough to partner up with. Nothing new about that. Few people are falling all over themselves to date 500lb hunchbacks because they have a beautiful personality. I have seen people who weren't the best looking getting married, engaged or dating and yet someone who looks decent can't find anything? I don't get it, on the one hand you say you've seen unattractive people paring up, yet on the other it seems as if you're trying to say people are becoming more shallow and not wanting to date people who are unattractive. Which is it? Even little people midgets can find love and yet an ordinary person cannot? What happened to this world? There has never been any point in time where conventionally unattractive people have had an easy time with dating/paring up so I'm not sure what you mean by "what happened"? I just, I really don't understand this thread at all. I mean, it feels like you're saying you should be getting more dates because you're "decent" looking but I can't be sure. Maybe you're not 'decent' in the eyes of others? Idk, I'm very confused. 6
PegNosePete Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Sometimes people can be un-photogenic. In my experience that is completely untrue. Some people aren't very good at being photogenic, but that doesn't mean they intrinsically are unphotogenic. It is something that can be practiced and perfected just like any other skill. Learn some basic photography skills, get outdoors in good light, remove hats and shades, ask a friend or even a stranger to take the photos, and SMILE... take 100 photos, there will be at least 1 or 2 photogenic ones in there. Digital photography is free so there's really no excuse for bad photos. That's why online dating (Tinder, OKC, POF, and the like) is difficult. The truth is, when it comes to online dating - looks do matter. You can have an amazing personality, but people won't even bother if you don't have god-tier looks (obviously exaggerating). No, looks don't matter, but photos do. Good photos of an average person will get much more success than bad photos of a good looking person. But most people have bad photos of an average looking person which is the worst of both worlds. If they would only put in a bit of effort instead of crying "everyone judges me by looks waaaaaahhhhhhh" then they'd do a lot better. 1
Leigh 87 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I know I'm decent looking to a good number of men because I get asked out and told I'm decent looking often enough/ regularly. If you are attractive to a good number of people then you would be asked out or told that you're attractive. The thing is, I regularly reject most of the men who want to date me.... so not all decent people WANT a relationship. Plenty of decent people can get a relationship tomorrow if they so choose to. They choose to remain single... I'm not aware of any decent looking person who cannot get a relationship or dates : they can get dates they just choose not to date many people and to rather hold off for a person who excites them.
guest569 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Definitely in the eye of the beholder. And it is about looks, but not ALL about looks.
Diezel Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Welcome to the internet and the way the world has been since the dawn of man. 1
FitChick Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Learn some basic photography skills, get outdoors in good light, remove hats and shades, ask a friend or even a stranger to take the photos, and SMILE... take 100 photos, there will be at least 1 or 2 photogenic ones in there. Digital photography is free so there's really no excuse for bad photos. That's what I do. I was recently on vacation and had strangers take pics of me. Those were the best ones because I was relaxed. Outdoor lighting is usually more flattering
slizl Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 "Even little people midgets can find love and yet an ordinary person cannot? What happened to this world?" I guess "little people midgets" aren't as shallow "ordinary" people like you... 1
skyblue707 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Looks do matter! That is what attracts someone to strike up a conversation in the first place, personality comes much later. Being an "ugly" girl growing up I saw how guys treated me. They weren't very nice and everything was based on looks, even though I had a great personality, no one every looked my way. Boys were cruel. I can relate to what you are saying though, how is it that midgets, overweight people and non attractive people can find love and I can't? We live in an unfair world. Some people have it better than us, why do I struggle to find someone, etc, etc. Yes, I get angry sometimes, but just live your life, look your best and be a kind person. That's all it is! Just face it, some women are lucky to find a great boyfriend, its normal to resent women for that.
Leigh 87 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 And lets not forget, most relationships out there are horsesh*t anyway:lmao: Most people are too eager to have to be partnered. Which is natural it is probably built into our DNA to be partnered not to mention the social conditioning that makes many people "want" a partner. Please know that bar the rare few, MOST relationships even "midgets" can get into, are not exactly passionate and loving types of relationships.... Relationships are not something to be venerated.... If you truly got to know the nature of most of the relationships out there, very few relationships are based on sparks and passion; most people just get together with a person who they like and who doesn't repulse them.... I urge you to learn to be happy and to accept a life alone, and then if the right person comes along, so be it... Then you wont catch yourself thinking such thoughts as " damn, even ugly people can get relationships":confused:
CatalystNX Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I mean, I can understand how someone would want a reasonably attractive person. I've always found that while I can have chemistry with someone who I don't find especially physically attractive, I've never had 'sparks' with any of them the way I have when physical attraction is in-play. There's one of my co-workers who I have great chemistry with and who has made it pretty clear that she's interested, but I have no physical attraction to her and so there are no sparks. I'm not saying someone has to be insanely attractive for there to be sparks, but there has to be some level of physical attraction for me, otherwise I just don't develop romantic feelings for someone, regardless of chemistry. I don't feel like a jerk for saying so; that's just the way it is for me.
shet Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I used to feel the same way. Then one day I had an intense online thing with a woman I met in a videogame, butterflies in stomach, the whole shebang. She was funny, smart, we just clicked. For about a week we back and forthed every evening. I thought I'd found something amazing. I told myself I had a wide range of physical standards and I wouldn't care how she looked. Then she sent pictures. And my heart dropped out my ass. She was just ugly. Not fat, just an ugly face. All of my bull**** to myself suddenly hit me like a deluge of sewage. There was no way I wanted to even carry on talking to her, let alone anything further, and I felt like the worlds biggest cunt for feeling that way. Me, me of all people, being so judgemental - with the troubles I've had for not being the handsomest myself - and her amazing personality really counting for naught? But it didn't change anything. I couldn't morally kick myself into desiring her. It took me a long time to reconcile with this. I learned that day how important physical attraction is, and gained a big insight into my own troubles. You can not blame people for not fancying you. You just can't. All you can do is hope someone does. It's a visceral, real aspect of how the world works that can't be bribed or reasoned with any more than being angry you can't levitate or magic up gold bars. And one, incidentally, that most people don't ever have to truly face - only those of us less than conventionally attractive, below the average. I experience it, that woman online will experience it, every day. 2
JuneJulySeptember Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 (edited) Even little people midgets can find love and yet an ordinary person cannot? What happened to this world? The whole 'what looks mean' argument has been covered ad nauseum, but I will say this. I truly do think little people have it easier than unattractive 'normal' people when trying to find love. I have actually studied social matters of little people informally. Because ugly normal people will typically not be attracted to other ugly normal people. They will be chasing after average and above average people and they will reject each other. Little people on the other hand, at least a lot of them, accept that they can only really date other little people. I mean some of them can date regular people, but in general, their odds are much, much better with other littles. They go to conventions where there are other little people and date each other. Check it out. Even though their pool is much, much smaller, they typically marry at a pretty high rate because they are content with their pool and are attracted to many more people in that pool. Meanwhile, an average woman could meet 1000 men and not be attracted to any of them. Can you imagine if a little woman was not attracted to 1000 little men she met? She'd NEVER find someone. Edited November 19, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember 1
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