ConfusedCanadian Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I suppose I don't really have a question to ask everyone, I just don't really have a friend I would want to talk to about this as I know not all guys would be excepting of a gf wanting to strip, and I have tried talking to her about this but I have realized that she isn't an impartial person (obviously) to talk to about how I'm feeling about all this. I have been dating her for 3yrs and I am head over heals in love her, and she loves me, I completely trust her, and I know she won't do drugs/drink uncontrollably (she has kids and is far to responsible for that) and won't do "extras" we have both been with a limited number of partners and value sexual connection far too much for her to cheat on me for a quick buck. I think she has an amazing body and is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, the fact that guys will see her topless isn't the biggest concern to me in all of this, as she has done topless and implied nude modelling in the past and I think a woman's body is a very beautiful thing. We live in different houses but we both live comfortable lives and day to day money isn't an issue, she wants to do this to put towards retirement. I suppose my issue in all of this is my concern over her giving lap dances and having guys touching her, especially in areas that only my hands should be touching, now she has told me she will only be a stage dancer, and as I said trust her, but I know that you make more money giving private dances, and I worry that eventually the money will become too much of a temptation, and while I don't think she would give a lap dance with out talking to me first, I do worry that eventually this conversation will come up, and I get anxiety thinking about this. I know I shouldn't worry about things that haven't happened or might not necessarily even happen, but its still hard to shut off these feelings, and when I have talked to her about this, she just feels I need to trust her (which I do). Guess I just need to vent and to know I'm not crazy to still be worrying about this even though I do truly trust her and know she will talk to me about everything.
Gloria25 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I think she sounds like a winner... I mean, think of all the money she'll be bringing in too!!! 2
anika99 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I'm having a hard time buying that she is only stripping for retirement money, lol. If she's young enough to strip she's young enough to save for retirement. If she isn't doing it for the money, which by the sound of it, she is not, then my guess would be she wants to do it for the attention. She knows she has a great body and she wants lots of men to see her and admire her. I'm not saying that is wrong but how do you feel about having a gf that wants validation not only from you but from lots of other men too? She has a right to do whatever she wants but when people are in long term committed relationships they usually want to take their partners feelings into consideration. Sounds like she is going to strip in spite of how you feel. Again that's not necessarily wrong but how do you feel about it? 1
lollipopspot Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I'm having a hard time buying that she is only stripping for retirement money, lol. If she's young enough to strip she's young enough to save for retirement. Well, there are few things a female without a lot of education and/or a high paying job can do that bring in that kind of money if (and only if) she is at a good establishment and is successful. 1
Thegreatestthing Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 You can't realky stop her from doing it anyway,but yes guys will be hitting on her on a frequent basis all the time,that can't be any fun for you.
Author ConfusedCanadian Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 She is 36, but looks very young for her age, and could easily pass for mid-twenties, and while 36 is certainly still young, I know she wants to retire early. I would be lying if the thought of her wanting the attention didn't cross my mind, but I feel I owe it to her after 3years to take her at her word and believe it is to put the money towards retirement. I will be able to retire comfortably, and in turn her as well, but I know she wants to contribute towards that and she has talked about it on many of occasions. As for taking my feelings into account, I'm sure if I said it was me or stripping she would pick me, but I don't feel it is fair to force her into deciding one or the other(at least at this point), I would love if she would be a little more sympathetic when we discuss it though that is for sure! I don't want to be the controlling BF telling her what she can and can't do. She doesn't HAVE to strip to get by on a day to day basis that is for sure, and does just fine for herself, so it is definitely an actual choice and not a last resort in anyway.
Million.to.1 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 If you are uncomfortable with it, then you you either need to reach a compromise of what level she works to, or you end the relationship. (if she really wants to do it.) I guess she is probably seeing this as the last time she can make $ off her body in this way as she is getting older, I guess. Kinda like actresses who will go nude now they are in their late 30's but never would have in their 20's. Work out what your limits with it are and talk to her. 1
somedude81 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 36 is actually really old to start stripping. I think she may actually be trying to prove to herself that she's "still got it." 3
bubbaganoosh Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 36 is actually really old to start stripping. I think she may actually be trying to prove to herself that she's "still got it." Maybe she going on the senior circuit 2
lollipopspot Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 36 is actually really old to start stripping. It seems older to start, but the right 36 year old woman can appear in her 20's, especially in a darkened bar. It just means she doesn't have as many years left at a lucrative establishment.
somedude81 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 It seems older to start, but the right 36 year old woman can appear in her 20's, especially in a darkened bar. It just means she doesn't have as many years left at a lucrative establishment. Of course. Especially if she looks good she can appear much younger. But the truth is that most girls start stripping in their early 20's. IMO, the thought of going to a strip club and getting a dance from a stripper older than myself is really odd.
Author ConfusedCanadian Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 Trust me you wouldn't know her age if you saw her, when I first met her I thought she was to young for me, she takes great care of herself. I believe we have found a decent compromise, where she won't do lap dances, which will minimize the physical contact guys can have with her, but it still doesn't seem to get rid of my anxiety and nerves over the possibility of it happening down the line, but in thinking about it, I guess that falls on my shoulders more then it would hers, and hopefully when I see it won't become an issue if she continues to move forward with this that will go away.
CC12 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I would love if she would be a little more sympathetic when we discuss it though that is for sure! You should tell her this, if you haven't already. You do deserve for her to discuss this with you in an open, honest, and sensitive way. I think you're being a lot cooler with this than most people would be, and I hope she appreciates that. You have this one boundary that you're asking her not to cross, while you're being pretty agreeable with her new line of work in general. You're really not asking so much. 1
Million.to.1 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 You should tell her this, if you haven't already. You do deserve for her to discuss this with you in an open, honest, and sensitive way. I think you're being a lot cooler with this than most people would be, and I hope she appreciates that. You have this one boundary that you're asking her not to cross, while you're being pretty agreeable with her new line of work in general. You're really not asking so much. Yes. This. It's not unreasonable at all for you to feel uneasy about this. Don't let her dismiss your concerns as they should matter to her more than one way to make some easy cash. Bad feelings manifesting over time with unresolved issues around this new line of work could be the end for you both if you don't make clear boundaries and have total honesty. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Of course. Especially if she looks good she can appear much younger. But the truth is that most girls start stripping in their early 20's. IMO, the thought of going to a strip club and getting a dance from a stripper older than myself is really odd. 36 isnt old...There are women in their 40's that would embarrass most 20 somethings in both looks and body....Are they common? No...but they do exist.. In the film "The Wrestler", Marisa Tomei was, I think, 46 or 47 years old..She played a stripper ...And she looked absolutely awesome..If you havent seen it, check it out....Nothing "odd" about that.... As for the OP....I dunno....I wouldnt want it...But thats me..I think if she is in a respectable club and there are no shenanigans, then I could see the allure...Some good strippers make crazy money..Maybe she could tend bar there? You also need to inform her that some of these choices we make can affect us negatively later in life...Cant go into it withous some serious thought.. TFY
StanMusial Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 How old are her kids? I wonder how they feel about ma hitting the pole. If she's not wanting for anything it seems like a strange course of action to consider. You've known her for 3 years at least, have you noticed any unusual behavior before? 3
Emilia Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I don't know OP whether I would want to be with someone who was prepared to jeopardise our relationship like this. I think any reasonably intelligent woman at the age of 36 knows (I'm 42) that a decision like this would likely affect the relationship in a negative way, quite possibly forever. I question how committed she is to you. 5
martaldn Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 not sure what kind of compromise you can find here to be honest. I can understand the "money for retirement" reason behind this but I would never approve something like this. for me this would be a deal breaker.. call me old fashion or narrow minded. if you are uncomfortable with her doing this you should tell her, and in case she decides to pursuit this kind of career than it is only up to you to understand if you can be ok with it or not. 1
veggirl Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Lol please her I won't do lap dances idea will last a night. She'll see all the chicks making money are the ones doing lap dances. And who would hire a stripper that wont?
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Any chance this could just be some fantasy? I kind of agree with the person who suspected that at 36 she simply wants to prove she's still got it. While you can't tell her what to do, you don't have to stick around if you don't like the decisions she's making. I can't imagine somebody with options doing this just for the money. What will happen when her kids' friends learn what she does? It will get out. The culture / lifestyle choices going on around her will also be a great temptation. Staying out all night will make it tough to go to work in the morning & care for her family. It will have an impact on the time you can spend together. Does she really understand what it will cost her to make this extra cash? There are better ways, including learning to live more frugally. 1
Darren2013 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 If she was my girlfriend I would encourage her all the way. No jealousy on my end.
Recommended Posts