feelinghopeless89 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I knew this day would come, and I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn't realize how much I would be affected by it. If you read my posts from the past I was absolutely deviated over this breakup. Him and I were talking about the future, looking for houses, the whole 9 yards. I truly believed he was the love of my life. When we were together, his ex girlfriend (and also the mother of his child from 8 years ago) came back into the picture. We had deep conversations before this about her because I knew I couldn't be with him if he still had feelings for her. He ensured me they would never, ever get back together. 2 months go by and he cheated on me, with her, and she became pregnant. Last year they had the baby and that was a hard day for me. I was still grieving at that time. But from then to now I've gotten so much better. However, them getting married last night triggered so many emotions. We have mutual friends that we've both been friends with for 5+ years and 2 of them went. Heartbreaking :'(. I have this knot in my stomach I can't get out. I know I deserve better, however I can't forget about the dream I had with having a future with him. I always thought that would be me, and I can't come to terms that it's not . I feel extremely depressed again, and that makes me nervous. I truly didn't think I was going to make it last year by how horrible the breakup and betrayal was. I also haven't met anyone knew. I know this sounds silly and I'm only 25, but I'm terrified I'm never going to meet another guy again, and be as happy as I was with my ex. :'( Any advice or comforting words will be greatly appreciated. I know I'm rambling but I am just feeling so lost right now. I also feel bad confiding with my friends and family about this because I feel like they are all going to say I shouldn't care and should be moved on by now. I wish I was
Tayla Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 The choice will be yours when you are ready, to move from the ideology belief of what you had. When you do and see that you are indeed worthwhile, things will change. For now you are not ready to let go. You know where you are in the stages. Someday you'll come to understand the lesson that was to be learned. For now ...be gentle, loving and careful with yourself. 2
Author feelinghopeless89 Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 Thank you so, so much. That helps hearing that side of a perspective. I have been feeling really guilty for still caring, so thank you for those kind words <3
laelithia Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I know exactly how you feel. I too am 25 and have also felt as though I will never find someone I cared about and has as much chemistry with my ex. However, I had a dream last night that I was with someone I had never seen before and we were together. The loving way he held me and brushed my hair out of my face made me realize that my future husband is out there, I just haven't met him yet. We will find that person and be happy. And one day this time in our lives will be a distant memory. 2
LakersFan81 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I knew this day would come, and I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn't realize how much I would be affected by it. If you read my posts from the past I was absolutely deviated over this breakup. Him and I were talking about the future, looking for houses, the whole 9 yards. I truly believed he was the love of my life. When we were together, his ex girlfriend (and also the mother of his child from 8 years ago) came back into the picture. We had deep conversations before this about her because I knew I couldn't be with him if he still had feelings for her. He ensured me they would never, ever get back together. 2 months go by and he cheated on me, with her, and she became pregnant. Last year they had the baby and that was a hard day for me. I was still grieving at that time. But from then to now I've gotten so much better. However, them getting married last night triggered so many emotions. We have mutual friends that we've both been friends with for 5+ years and 2 of them went. Heartbreaking :'(. I have this knot in my stomach I can't get out. I know I deserve better, however I can't forget about the dream I had with having a future with him. I always thought that would be me, and I can't come to terms that it's not . I feel extremely depressed again, and that makes me nervous. I truly didn't think I was going to make it last year by how horrible the breakup and betrayal was. I also haven't met anyone knew. I know this sounds silly and I'm only 25, but I'm terrified I'm never going to meet another guy again, and be as happy as I was with my ex. :'( Any advice or comforting words will be greatly appreciated. I know I'm rambling but I am just feeling so lost right now. I also feel bad confiding with my friends and family about this because I feel like they are all going to say I shouldn't care and should be moved on by now. I wish I was I know what you're going through. It's one of the worst feelings ever. I am 25 too, and my GF of over 5 years who I thought was my best friend and the person I would be with forever left me a couple months ago, and I feel like I will never find anyone else either. I know we are young, but it's tough most days to see be positive that I will find someone better than her one day. I feel like I will be alone forever partly because I will be scared to get close to anyone ever again. Hang in there. We just gotta trust the people that say it will get better eventually, even though many days it's tough to believe that. 2
Author feelinghopeless89 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 So sorry to hear that I know exactly what you mean, worrying about not finding anyone that has the same connection as you did with your ex. It is one of the hardest parts of this breakup. Really hoping him getting married will become easier for me soon, because right now it's dibilatating :'(
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Instead of focusing on the good times with your EX & worrying that you will never have that with somebody else, try remembering all the bad stuff & the reasons you broke up. Even if you were the dumpee, take the reasons that you were given & highlight that you were wrongly accused. 4
Author feelinghopeless89 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 Instead of focusing on the good times with your EX & worrying that you will never have that with somebody else, try remembering all the bad stuff & the reasons you broke up. Even if you were the dumpee, take the reasons that you were given & highlight that you were wrongly accused. -this is such a great point. My feelings have been distorted after seeing all the "happy" pictures from the wedding and wishing that was me and crying because it isn't. But I haven't thought about the reasons that I should be glad I didn't marry him. I will definitely try to remember this because it is a great perspective, thank you 2
preraph Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I know how you feel. Some small part of you hangs on and time goes by and there you still are while he moves forward (or in his case, backward). You're only 25. Now it's time to make yourself stop thinking about him. I'm sure there's nothing new you could think up that you haven't already that will help. Time to enlist friends, relatives, and pick yourself up, start new hobbies, start a new chapter and replace those old swampy thoughts with bright new experiences. I always thought travel was the perfect answer, even if it's only a short trip. It makes you realize how big this world is and how much you haven't done and how he's just a tiny little doo-doo speck in the overall scheme of things. Remember, living well is the best revenge. So just have the best time you can have. 2
Tougher Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 So sorry to hear this. It's truely heartbreaking and a situation that I will find myself in soon. Remember karma will bite and even consider cutting yourself of from any mutual friends. You do not need to hear a thing about his life 2
Sugarkane Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Well he completely lied about not going back to his ex. 2
Author feelinghopeless89 Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 I love this - Thank you so much. These kind words mean everything to me right now as this pain can at times become unbearable
Author feelinghopeless89 Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 So sorry to hear this. It's truely heartbreaking and a situation that I will find myself in soon. Remember karma will bite and even consider cutting yourself of from any mutual friends. You do not need to hear a thing about his life I know :'( Cutting off mutual friends is like reliving the breakup. They have been friends that helped me through the hardest time of my life and I can't seem to let them go. But, I know it isn't healthy :'(. I just feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation. I hate saying and feeling like I'm the victim, but right now I just feel helpless with my emotions
Author feelinghopeless89 Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 Well he completely lied about not going back to his ex. I know It would have made things a lot easier for me in the long run if he was just honest. Instead he strung me along so he can have his cake and eat it too. Unfortunately I believed him and it has made this process unimaginably hard
Author feelinghopeless89 Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 I know how you feel. Some small part of you hangs on and time goes by and there you still are while he moves forward (or in his case, backward). You're only 25. Now it's time to make yourself stop thinking about him. I'm sure there's nothing new you could think up that you haven't already that will help. Time to enlist friends, relatives, and pick yourself up, start new hobbies, start a new chapter and replace those old swampy thoughts with bright new experiences. I always thought travel was the perfect answer, even if it's only a short trip. It makes you realize how big this world is and how much you haven't done and how he's just a tiny little doo-doo speck in the overall scheme of things. Remember, living well is the best revenge. So just have the best time you can have. This is all so true. It's so frustrating because I know what I need to do to feel better, but it's definitely easier said than done :'( - I instead look up all the wedding pictures and cry myself to sleep. Why do I look up the pictures? I HAVE NO IDEA. It is like an addiction and it is just prolonging my heartbreak. Traveling sounds amazing - Definitely something I need to add to my "to-do" list because that would definitely help
lawbstar Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 You look at the pictures to remind yourself that he will never again be yours because you will never accept him again. I don't want to sound harsh or anything, but just try to get that in your head, that you two will never be together again. However, think about how big the world is. There are billions of people out there. This guy clearly was not the guy for you. Everyone deserves better than how that guy treated you. You deserve better, so don't settle for him! I know it's hard right now, but take it day by day. Try to work on and appreciate the small things. Be happy for not being with him anymore because now, if you really think about it without clouded emotions, you will be able to see how terrible of a person he really is. In time, you will come to realize that you do not want to be with him anymore because he is trash. Recovery can take a while, but just try your best to be positive and don't think about him too much. Good things come in life when we are not looking for them. 3
Recommended Posts