I feel like my boyfriend isn't really understanding in certain situations...

[AccoutingAsh87]

I'm currently swamped with both school and work and this upcoming week I need to dedicate most of time to my school work. I'd like to complete all my school work prior to Thanksgiving, so I'm completely free over the break and I told my boyfriend this and he seemed to understand. I told him today that this week is going to be very busy for me so i'm not going to be able to hang out with him as much. We usually see each other around 3 days a week because we live about 40 minutes away from each other. He got upset when I told him this, and i told him that i feel like he's not understanding because he knows how much work i have to do. He said that it doesn't matter and i need to make time for him, and again i stressed that he's not understanding. I told him it's not like i won't see you at all during the week, but just not as much. He then complained that we don't see each other enough anyways during the week, so it's not going to matter. Which brings me to another point, he always wants me to sleep over his house, and i do a couple days out of the week, but his bed is not comfortable whatsoever and i don't sleep good on his bed at all. He knows this. He actually doesn't even have a bed; it's a sofa couch. So i try not to keep things in, but sometimes i do. From time to time, i let him know that i didn't sleep well. I understand that he loves me and he wants me around, but sometimes i don't like to go to work tired.

 

His reaction to the whole me being extremely busy with work and school this week really bothered me.

I don't know if i'm the one not being understanding. Thoughts?

[preraph]

It's all about him, isn't it? That's not love on his part. He doesn't care about your goals or needs or even discomfort. He only cares about himself. Someone who loves you supports your goals and needs and protects you from discomfort. You need to take a stand here and tell him he's being selfish and self-centered. If he can't understand that, then he's not good for the long term anyway.

[KatZee]

Yeah I'm sorry but the world doesn't revolve around him. Enough trying to make him "understand." He just needs to grow up and act like an adult not like a toddler. School is 100% more important than he is and he just needs to accept it. Do your work, and don't compromise yourself by going to work or school tired just because he can't occupy his own time.

[Els]

Is it always you going to see him and sleeping over at his place?

 

If you're busy during the week and he REALLY wants to see you, IMO instead of sulking about it he could drive to you, have dinner with you (no matter how busy you are, you're going to need to eat), then drive home.

 

If he's insisting on you travelling to him when you're having a busy week, that would be a huge red flag. It shows he cares more about instant gratification for himself than about your future.

[GemmaUK]

He reminds me of my last ex. My last ex was insecure, controlling and emotionally abusive.

 

It really IS all about him and his needs. He has no respect nor consideration for you and your life. Much as he says he cares etc his 'stuff' is more important to him than yours is and he is not being at all supportive.

 

 

You've been fair, forewarned him and you have reassured him yet he is unwilling to actually help you through your busy time as he thinks the best thing for you is to be with him rather than concentrate on your studies.

 

 

A few of the problems I had with my ex were that he totally refused to acknowledge I needed any time for just myself let alone for things I actually needed to do. It caused a lot of problems over things that to me just seemed unrealistic.

 

 

If he is like this now it will only get worse unless he has a capacity for understanding and is able to learn to respect you and your boundaries.

 

 

I could list a whole host of similar issues to yours. I did end up learning why he felt as he did over my responsibilities and my time. He had a plan for us you see, one that didn't involve any respect nor consideration for me.

The plan was that I left my job (I'm an accountant), sold my house, moved North to a renovated barn with him in the countryside (his dream) and he would get a German Shepherd dog for my protection.

 

 

He therefore saw my work and my life as meaningless for my future.

 

 

He didn't consider me at all. I think he just wanted to put me in a box!

I don't drive so living in the countryside would have been like prison for me. I have a fear of German Shepherds as I was attacked by one when I was in my teens.

Also, his plan was to do the same job - be working away 5 days a week living in his truck.

The change to his life would be that he came home for weekends to me rather than live with his parents.

 

 

I'm just thankful that his behaviours all began so soon into the relationship that I never really fell for him.

We dated for 7 months in total. Two weeks later was the very first sign which I should have heeded - he had a problem with me spending time with my brother who was over from Oz and I hadn't seen him in 10 years. My ex could not understand and got upset that I would be busy and unable to call/text as much.

 

 

I think my case was extreme and bizarre. What didn't help was that I never just gave in to his controlling little ways and would call him out on them.

I thought he was joking with some of the ridiculous stuff he came out with.

I should have just walked away right away, I didn't but me not giving in led to more controlling behaviour in him.

[d0nnivain]

He's pouting & being immature.

 

 

That said, you do have to eat so if he's that upset about not seeing you I agree he can drive over to you, make you dinner, eat with you then leave.

Can you multi-task? Would you be able to leave him in the living room watching TV while you went in another room to work then he could sleep over?

[Chris715]

I had a girlfriend like this. I'm in engineering at college which means a pretty steady amount of homework, but this girl I was seeing refused to understand or believe it and her neediness was off the charts. She would call and text me nonstop when I was trying to work and would get angry if I put my phone on silent or turned it off. Needless to say we didn't last long... You can do better than a selfish person like this.