MistaYates Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 My girlfriend has been playing around with her ex. She cheated on me with him and went out with him. We broke up, and got back together. I'm completely changed. The guy i once was.. I trusted her, i had no worries with her, and i actually hung out with friends, knowing that she wouldnt do anything. Now that were back together, im clingy as hell. It scares me how clingy i am, im constantly checking her facebook, making sure about EVERYTHING she is doing, and i hate it. But i love her to death. I really want to make it work with her. I've pissed her off a couple of times when she says shes going out with friends, after i asked to hang out. Because i ask her "Who with?" And just questioning her. When i shouldnt. I should trust her hanging out with other people besides me. But if she isnt at work, or with me, I'm scared ****less. I fear she'll leave me for being TOO clingy. But i have every right to. Right? Don't tell me that she isnt worth it. Because i think she is. All i need is for someone to tell me how to regain the trust, and not be this way. I can't believe how much this girl has changed me. I'm whipped.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 So, why do you think she's worth it? She obviously doesn't think you are, or she wouldn't have cheated to begin with. Harsh but true. 2
mammasita Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 She really isn't worth it and once it's broken you can try to repair it, but it's still a cracked vase with some shoddy glue holding it together bout to bust into pieces... Oh but that's not what you want to hear is it..... 2
newmoon Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 personally, i don't think you can regain trust after cheating. some couples stick it out and force it to work, but you're always going to have those doubts and fears. if you are very determined to make it work i think you actually have to go back to how you were before - don't become clingy or worried because that changes the dynamic even more and will make her feel followed/watched, etc. give her as much space as she had before, show that you trust her, and look for signs she can be trusted. if she's a cheater she'll use the space you give her again to do it, so just watch her without clinging. your insecurities might lead her father away, so you want to focus on being 'normal.' 1
loversquarrel Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I know you are hoping to hear positive statements, but you are not going to get that many. What you are experiencing right now is an unhealthy relationship, this is what happens when you have no trust. It is vital to the health of a good relationship to have trust as it serves as the basis for so many other components. The feelings of insecurity and anxiety that you are displaying will fester and soon turn to feelings of resentment. Is this what you want from a relationship? You haven't changed, you are just reacting to what the relationship has become. I'm sorry but I'm a firm proponent of leaving cheaters, because they weaken and break the number one fundamental of all relationships and that is trust. Its not a question of being worth it but rather what you are willing to put up with 3
Drspell12 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Hey dude, I don't mean to sound rude, but, tbh... I hate the word "change". I hate that concept lots of people have about "changing" for someone else. Or about some person loving them so much that this person will change anything in order to make that person see how valuable they are. This won't happen. Believe me. People are only capable of change when they want to... And you are giving her not only a free relationship after all the crap she put you trough... You are also telling her, in other words, that you will accept it all over again. I think it would be best for you to break things off. Best of luck. 1
Chi townD Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 (edited) Dude, you will never get that trust back. Some trust? Maybe. But, you will never get that blind trust back. She cheated on you and betrayed you. She put more of a value on her Ex than she did with you. And she threw you to the curb. Now, what she did to you is one of the cruelest things a person can do to another. She's going to have to know that there are consequences to her actions. She needs to be the one to be convicting YOU that she could be trusted. She should be understanding that YOU feel uneasy, and you have a right to feel this way. And NOT getting mad at you when she goes out with friends and it makes you uneasy. Edited November 17, 2014 by Chi townD 4
Drspell12 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Chi Town is right, however, I am not convinced that this is the type of relationship you want. I went tru' something similar and tbh I never recovered all honesty in my gf. And I got sick of not being able to fully trust her. So I broke up with her... (this girl was not the person who brought me to this site) 1
me85 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 If the cheater wants to come back into the RS then they need to expect not to be trusted again for quite some time. They really can't get pissed off over being asked where they are going and who with. Personally, it takes a whole lot of maturity for a couple to work through infidelity. Even some of the most mature people on the planet can't make it work. For most people, the damage is unrepairable. You can't be obsessive. You took her back, so you should let the past be the past. That's why it's best not to jump right back into RS before considering all the scenarios. All the what ifs and can I's. I gave my cheating ex a chance. It didn't work. He ended up screwing up the same way twice. Best of luck to you. 2
johnson_j Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 She's NOT worth it. Any woman who would disrespect you for her ex once, will do it again. Any ex who would continue to date a woman who would screw around on him, should expect she will do it with another man as well. In short, you're on the road to heartbreak, in the heartbreak hotel suite 201. And this isn't any honeymoon. Check out, and get back out on that road to find a new girl who respects you, and whom you respect in turn.
SoThatHappened Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 After trust has been broken, I think 9 times out of 10 it's not worth trying to regain it. If I got back together with the girl who cheated on me, it would take so long and be such a struggle to regain my trust that it wouldn't be worth it. It would be a long and torturous process. Why go through that when you can start something brand new with someone better?
slizl Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 It will just take time to build that trust back. It will take years and years of her actions showing you that she is faithful. I cheated on literally every one of my girlfriends from the ages of 18-23 (making out only). The one thing that I will say is that I hated all of the questions. Who will be there, where are you going, when will you be coming back, etc. If you are overbearing, she will want to leave or cheat on you again (at least I did). I mean, no amount of questioning will stop a cheater, we can always find a way. So what I am saying to you is this. If you are going to stay with her, you have to try to trust her as much as possible until she shows you that she cannot be trusted again. 1
KatZee Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Don't tell me that she isnt worth it. Because i think she is. All i need is for someone to tell me how to regain the trust, and not be this way. I can't believe how much this girl has changed me. I'm whipped. LOL. Sure. OK. She's TOTALLY worth it. :rolleyes: Seems like you don't want any legit advice, you just want people to tell you it's OK to be checking up on her every move and that one day life will be full of butterflies and fairies again. Sorry to burst that bubble, but this relationship is done. Stay in it if you wish, but you'll never have what you used to. Ever again. 1
flightplan Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 You admit you're whipped... that alone is enough to get your **** together. C'mon, your happiness in life depends on her? Seriously. Once a cheater, always a cheater. It's worth giving up the one thing you can control in life... for her? People are motivated to do things in their own self interest... and you're willing to allow another person to dictate the amount of happiness and joy you experience in life... seriously? Take this opportunity, grab with everything you have and turn your friggin life around. Live life on your terms, take back your power and grow from this. Otherwise, your going to flit from one relationship to another for the rest of your life hoping to find that one woman who will magically make you feel happy... and give you the self esteem you were never able to get on your own... c'mon man, saddle up and take your life back.
Recommended Posts