Ducktape Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 My girlfriend broke up with me 8 days ago, we’ve been together for almost 2 years. She is 40 and I’m 29. 1 month ago, she was saying she loved me, missed me, we were looking for houses together, we were visiting her family and I got to meet her brother’s kids. All in all, we had a lovely time, relationship wasn’t dying down at all. Then on october 26th she called for a break, saying she’s sad but doesn’t know why. I pleaded a bit, tried to convince her, but I let her have her time. On nov 1st she sent me a letter against saying she was sad, etc. It looked like a break up letter, and I asked her if it was, and she replied “I was afraid you’d ask, because I know I don’t get a second chance with you. If it’s only moments of doubts, then I’ll lost everything”. I went to see her to discuss about it. She would hug me in my bed and we made love passionately. Then 8 days ago we saw each other and she told me it was over. She said she needed to be alone right now. She said the last two weeks, she had so much on her plate, and was so sad that she didn’t miss me. All in all, that break up lasted about 2 hours. She kept french kissing me, hugging me, crying and sobbing on my shoulder. She finally said I had to leave on my own because she would never be able to let go of me. Meanwhile I was telling her it would be alright, she’d get over it, consoling her. I didn’t cry, had a positive attitude, didn’t plead or beg. Just made sure her decision was final, as she knew there would be no second chances with me. A few point to explain a little bit why she is sad -Our relationship started as the one with her kids’ father ended -She gets to see her kids only every other weeks and find it really hard -She got an abortion 3 months ago. Told me eventually would love to have my child, but couldn’t for now as I hasn’t met her kids yet and was scared that would scare me off. -At the abortion, the installed a mirena, an hormonal IUD. Causes depression in 5-10% of patients -Teaches, but works a second job as well and had to pick up more shifts as her boss had a kid. Now almost never has days off (Only week ends she has the kids) and is exhausted. -Because we never have days off together anymore, there is never time for us to have activities or change things up. So this fall has been pretty lackluster in term of special moments, but we still spent time together, but practically only at home. I asked her since when she thought the relationship wasn’t as good and she told me “Not for long, really. For about 2 weeks (prior to the break, so like a month before break up)”. Even her best friend was surprised and didn’t know anything. Sometimes I tell myself she has to be someone else, sometimes I tell myself she’s burnt out, having a depression and pushing everything away. What are your thoughts? Anyone had a break up like that, when the dumper couldn’t let go, would kiss you, etc? What does that mean? The sudden nature of the break up left me confused. I thought she would go back to her ex, as that would solve some of her sadness in a way in the form that she gets to see her kids all the time, but it doesn’t appear so. I know it sounds cliche, but up until the break, she would tell me everyday how she loved me, missed me, how happy she was with me. Sex was awesome as well, both of us initiating it. The relationship was perfect in every way.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Yes, I have experienced that type of break-up in which he (the dumper) was all over me but very emotional at the same time. I found out later he'd cheated and felt a tremendous sense of guilt but couldn't find the balls to tell me the truth. At the time, I was clueless and didn't understand what the hell was going on, Later his emotional roller-coaster made more sense. I'm not implying she necessarily cheated. But you asked if anyone had experienced something similar. I have, and in my case, the reason for it was infidelity.
Author Ducktape Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 I see I see. I asked a few times if there was someone or she felt like seeing someone else, nobody in particular, and she said no, there's no one. She just wanted to me alone for a while as she figures she didn't take the time to grieve her seperation with her kids' dad. I know it doesn't mean a thing that she denies it, but yeah. I like to believe she's telling the truth.
Seeker12 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Give her the space and time mate, youre definitely not in the wrong here at all, but space and time and things will become clear. 1
Author Ducktape Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 Yes, I have done so. I went complete NC since I got back from her place for the break up. She wrote Wednesday to tell me her daughter watched a movie on my Netflix subscription and that she felt bad about that, would try to remove it from her Apple TV, closed the sms with "I hope you've had a good day". I didn't reply, as it felt like a conversation opener and I didn't feel like having that with her to ease her "guilt". Tough nonetheless.
Author Ducktape Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 Anyone else wanna chime in? What are your thoughts?
Diezel Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Move on. You were her rebound for a little bit. Whether she found someone else or not is irrelevant. You get to find someone else better without all of the emotional baggage.
Author Ducktape Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 Yes, I thought about the fact that I was a rebound, even asked her during the break up. Obviously denied it. I don't know. Figured a rebound would die down with time, not all of a sudden like this.
lolablue17 Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I always take as an assumption that they never tell you the whole truth, and the truth is always worse.
ronald89 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I've dumped out of the blue as well four months ago. worst thing is we just had our 1 year anniversary and there was a big eurotrip coming (everything booked and paid for). She refused to speak to me or see me. It's like she just vanished.
CaliGypsy Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 My thoughts on being a rebound. I don't think that the person having one is necessarily going to recognize that until much later on. Doesn't sound like this women is in need of any more kids. Doesn't seem like a very healthy relationship for you. I would consider moving on no matter what she ends up doing.
mammasita Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 OP, when you say your relationship started just as her relationship with her kids father was ending.....was it officially over or was she cheating on him? That's not really clear to me. Either way, it she jumped right into it with you so to all intents and purposes you were/are, unfortunately, 100% a rebound. At this point, she might be realizing that she finally needs her "me" time or she met someone else. Hard to say.
Author Ducktape Posted November 20, 2014 Author Posted November 20, 2014 Just drove by my ex's house (I know, I know. Terrible.) and her ex's car was in the driveway. Didn't make me feel as bad as I would have thought. I guess my mind is finally at peace, knowing what happened. Maybe it will hurt tomorrow. For now, it feels like a relief. I had accepted the relationship was over, but all the time I was going back to "Why?" I guess it's human nature to try to make sense out of everything. Now I can finally let go. 1
Recommended Posts