maryyy Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 (edited) We are both 22. We have been dating for 11 months. He's my second boyfriend and I'm his first girlfriend. He would always fall in love easily, he actually tried to date several girls but every one of them ended up "friendzoning" him. He told me this. So, it makes me feel like he was desesperate to have a girlfriend and feel better about himself. He has low self-esteem, and because of what I said before, I think that maybe he's afraid of being alone, that having a girlfriend boosts his ego and maybe he thinks that nobody will ever love him again so he better stick with me (until he finds someone who shows interest and then cheats on me). I just would like to know, from someone's experience, if there are any signs of it, if there's a way I can know if this is what's happening, so I could be aware. Of course I've already talked about this with him, and of course he said none of it was true, that he is with me because he loves me and doesn't want to be without me, and he even used this excuse "We fight a lot lately and I'm still here, do you think I would still here after that if I didn't like you?". Well, yes, there's a chance he may put up with the fights, treat me right all the time and still with me because he can be used to me and our relationship and afraid to leave me, so he "fakes" his love for me. I know I'm insecure, but I know this happens. I just want honest opinions, especially from people who experienced this... What should I be aware of? Edited November 16, 2014 by maryyy
ascendotum Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Yes you are insecure so some of this issue is on you. If you were not this guy's 1st gf do you think you would be questioning the relationship? *Other than this issue is the relationship fulfilling for you..are you having a good time and is he a devoted & loving bf? *You would want to have a passionate guy I'm sure. Is he...doesn't sound like it in your post header? *Is he showing enthusiast interest in some of your friends or other women when out? Lots of guys can talk about being friendzoned by girls they really fancied or getting lots of knock backs from women they have asked out or flirted with. It really doesn't pay for a guy to talk to about his struggles in dating, both with women in general conversation and especially with a gf. This is the risk both in a relationship can have that they are not their partners ideal choice. If you are insecure over him, then I'm sure it will feedback to him and he might have the same feeling with you. You say you are now fighting a lot lately, and I wouldn't be surprised some of it is stemming from this issue you have. It depends on how desperate the guy is but if he is with someone he is lukewarm over then there is a not a great threshold with drama where he will stick around, so if he is still good with you that's a good sign (bit no guarantee) At 22 he's not exactly stuck with you, as at his age there are still lots of single girls floating about and he should not be desperate yet to grab onto the first girl that shows even the slightest interest in him.
stillafool Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 First of all he isn't stuck with you. He can break up with you any time he wants to. I think if you continue thinking the way you do what you fear will most certainly happen.
d0nnivain Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 He's always been willing to put himself out there . . . to try for a GF. Just because you are the 1st one that said yes, doesn't mean you will be the last. In a previous thread you were complaining that you think he was checking out other girls. Clearly he knows he has options so why do you think he's stuck with you. You will both be happier if you relax & enjoy the present.
Author maryyy Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 Yes you are insecure so some of this issue is on you. If you were not this guy's 1st gf do you think you would be questioning the relationship? *Other than this issue is the relationship fulfilling for you..are you having a good time and is he a devoted & loving bf? *You would want to have a passionate guy I'm sure. Is he...doesn't sound like it in your post header? *Is he showing enthusiast interest in some of your friends or other women when out? Lots of guys can talk about being friendzoned by girls they really fancied or getting lots of knock backs from women they have asked out or flirted with. It really doesn't pay for a guy to talk to about his struggles in dating, both with women in general conversation and especially with a gf. This is the risk both in a relationship can have that they are not their partners ideal choice. If you are insecure over him, then I'm sure it will feedback to him and he might have the same feeling with you. You say you are now fighting a lot lately, and I wouldn't be surprised some of it is stemming from this issue you have. It depends on how desperate the guy is but if he is with someone he is lukewarm over then there is a not a great threshold with drama where he will stick around, so if he is still good with you that's a good sign (bit no guarantee) At 22 he's not exactly stuck with you, as at his age there are still lots of single girls floating about and he should not be desperate yet to grab onto the first girl that shows even the slightest interest in him. 1) I've been feeling very insecure that he is interested in other girls/cheat on me. It got worst when we were talking about this and I asked him if he would tell me if he got interested in someone else while dating me and he said "I don't know...if I felt that I was being wrong...". I got super insecure about this and then he explained that if that ever happened he could try to "ignore" it and could be afraid to tell me because wouldn't want to see me ge t hurt by him. Besides that, when we are ok, I feel completely connected with him, we are very much alike, we have the same goals, the same kind of humor, we understand each other, we laugh at the same stuff, and he's very patient and caring, he's an awesome listener and whenever we are apart he is constantly texting me/calling me, to tell me about his day and to know about me. Also, from time to time, he buys me some gifts, nothing expensive, just little things that have meaning to both of us and that remind him of me. We also have some plans together, and he wants to travel with me to London, one day, we just don't know when, but he is already looking at the flights, hostels, and trying to plan everything. I'm just afraid that he's faking all this just for the sake of having a girlfriend. 2) I wouldn't consider him very passionate, but he's very sweet to me. Just like I said before, when we are apart he's always texting me, and when we are together, he can't take his hands off me. 3) I never noticed that, I don't think he shows interest in other women. At least he never talked to me about other women. The only thing I know is that sometimes he checks other girls facebook pages because he thinks they are cute or hot.
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 We explained to you in your other thread that he won't tell you if he's interested in another girl because you couldn't handle it. However, from what you have said, he isn't a cheater. He would do the honorable thing & end one relationship before starting a new one. You will push him to that if you don't get a handle on your insecurities. Men don't fake what he's doing for the sake of having a GF. He's putting in great effort & frankly being wonderful but you are still doubting it. A man who is using you as a place holder doesn't call all the time, connect with you & plan trips with you. He shows up, has a mediocre date & gets right to the physical with no care for what you want.
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