girlfriend leaves after 4 year relationship (GIGS)

[user24]

My ex girlfriend and I had been together for almost four years. I am a sophomore in college and this is her first year. We had the best relationship that we both could have ever wanted. We even talked about marriage and living together and she always asked if I would marry her someday which I always said yes. I loved this woman more than anything. We had the best compatibility and we got along so well and had the same values. We were perfect for each other. About a month and a half ago, out of nowhere she asked for a break. When i asked why she was very vague and just didn't know if she wanted to be with me. We took a break for a week and talked about how we felt. She said she missed me more than anything and still loved me so much but she said she didn't want to be together. I could not believe what she was saying. I asked her for answers and she always seemed to come up with something different every time. I tried to convince her that we belonged together but she said this was for the better. Less than a week after we broke up, she went to a formal dance with another guy and slept in the same bed as him. She swears they did not do anything sexual but I could not believe she would do that. I searched online to try to figure out why she left and came across the grass is greener syndrome (GIGS). She fit every single description. I texted her and tried to meet with her to try to convince her we belong together but nothing worked. She continued to say that she loved me, but was not in love with me. She always said that maybe we could be together again in the future and that if it was meant to be, we would find our way back to each other. But at the same time she would tell me to get over her and see other girls. She also said she felt like she was growing at a faster rate than I was. She just joined a sorority and started to meet a lot of new people and party a lot. We would continue to text and talk about us but she would keep saying she just did not feel like I was the one she should be with. The last two times we met we ended up making out and saying how much we love each other. But she still thinks we should not be together. She said she still wants to be friends but I do not think that is a good idea. I just have this feeling that she is going to wake up one day and realize what she threw away for nothing. But I do not know if I should wait for her or just move on and try to find someone else. I am also afraid if we do get back together, then this feeling she had will return and the same thing will happen. Any advice?

[Sweetescape910]

Move on. She's not interested in being with you. She loves you, but she fell out of love and lost interest. I don't think you should hope for the future AT ALL. Because I promise you it won't happen.. I'm sorry. Ik it sucks. This happens to so many people. Don't be her friend, don't see her, don't ever contact her and try your hardest to move on because hope breeds eternal misery. You're worthy of a girl who won't throw a 4 year relationship away.

[Chi townD]

Dude, she was cheating on you. She dumps you and one week later, takes another dude to a formal. Where did this guy come from? And she felt comfortable enough to "sleep" in the same bed as him (but nothing happen) *cough* Bullsh*t *cough". Dude, she screwed that dude. Cheaters will only tell you the bare minimum of what happened so it doesn't look as bad as what TRUELY happened. Chances are people saw her take this dude into her bedroom for the night. So, that would be the bare minimum of what happened, what could be proven. But, no one knows what happened behind closed doors. Therefore, she's going to tell you that they slept in the same bed, but "nothing happened." Uh huh....right.

 

 

She also gave you the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech which is straight out of the cheaters handbook! And what reaffirmed this for me and the final "red flag" for me was when she's telling you to date other girls (because she's already dating someone else). Now, she told you that she still loves you and misses you then why the hell would she encourage you to date/sleep with other girls? Girls can be extremely possessive of what they have. They wouldn't want the man that they are in love with being with other girls. Unless, she wants you to date/ sleep with other girls to ease her own guilt. If she heard that you are dating other girls, then she can ease her guilt and forgive herself for cheating on you and sleeping with this other guy because you got some too!

 

 

If you think I'm lying, if you were to remain friends with her, guarantee you that she would be very interested in your love life. But, here's the deal. You are not her friend. I'm sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the end result to be that you are nothing more than a really good friend to her. She made a choice. And her choice was to have you out of her life. So, you give her exactly that. Let all calls go to voicemail, ignore all texts. Most important, BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK! She's being selfish right now, so she doesn't give a sh*t about you or your feelings right now. She's going to start posting pics of her partying it up while you're still dying inside. And once she realizes that you aren't answering her phonecalls and texts, she's going to start posting pics of her with other guys to get under your skin and force you to call her to bitch her out. But, hey! At least she got you to call! So, block her. You don't need to see that crap. And, I strongly recommend that you cancel your twitter account and instagram until you heal from this.

 

 

Start making positive changes in your life. Avoid her like the plague. You know her schedule and where her classes are. Take a different route so you avoid running into her. If you feel like you want to text her or call her, stop come on here and post about it. People will be here to help you through this. You're at college. There are a lot of clubs for you to join. Join some of them and meet new people. Don't sit in your dorm room and become a hermit. On the weekends, do whatever you can to get away from campus. Travel on the weekends. If you find out there's a concert at a town and hour away, GO! Or get some camping gear and go camping. If there's a festival happening GO! Get away from campus as much as possible. KEEP BUSY AND CONSTANTLY MOVING! You're at college so there's probably a gym available for you to use. USE IT! Start running on the treadmill and push weight. You'll be working off a lot of stress and frustrations you've been having AND working on that hard and ripped bod that girls like. Study hard and play hard.

 

 

You'll get through this. It's just going to take some time.

Edited November 16, 2014 by Chi townD

[ExpatInItaly]

Sorry you're in so much pain, OP. It is very hurtful when something like this happens.

 

Firstly, you simply cannot convince another person to be with you. She told you how she felt and seems to be pretty firm in her decision. Stop trying to convince her that her feelings about the relationship are wrong and that she should be with you. I promise this will only get on her nerves after a while.

 

Secondly, I would wager that this other guy has been in the picture a little while. Before she broke up with you, I mean. You need to stop asking for details about her private life (I'm assuming that's how you know she shared a bed with him?) That is only going to cause you more pain, and you're very likely not getting the whole truth anyway.

 

The bottom line is that she doesn't want this relationship to continue. She's extremely young and clearly wants to experience other people. It's a normal part of growing up and moving on.. It's very difficult to accept, but your focus now should be on healing rather than trying to convince her she's made a mistake.

[winnerwinnerchicken]

About 5 months ago the exact same thing happened to me. She loved me, we talked marriage, we got along almost all the time and we were one another's world. This other guy came into her life as a friend. She became good friends with this guys mom also. Between the two of them they convinced her I was evil, when I was most certainly the best thing to happen to her. She moved out while I was at work, said she was living with a friend. Treated me like I was the enemy. I never got mad, I never said rude things because this hit me out of the blue. One month prior we were talking about buying a house and our summer plans and I could tell nothing was up, once she found out that this other guy liked her she replaced me. I'm almost certain that we didn't grow apart as much as she just couldn't help herself once there was someone new showing her attention. 5 years gone down the drain. We never discussed any issues we could have worked on, we never fought, she just walked away and that was that. Both you and I need to move on. Even if my ex or yours ever tried to come back think of it this way.. While we were upset and hurting, she was doing things with him and feeling that spark of infatuation.. Fully knowing we were sitting at home falling apart wondering where we went wrong. There are plenty of fish in the sea, let's show them what life without us is like. I know for my ex, almost every fun thing and happy memory from the time she was 14-20 was with me. Cold turkey no talking after 4 or 5 years has to be difficult for most anyone. Good luck. Never reach out to her, don't let her know what you're up to. Never respond to her.

 

When you break up because you grow apart, or your lives are going in different directions, that is one thing, but to have someone else come into her life and have you shoved out of the way, thats another. That hurts, whether she cheated on you or broke up with you and did him that night, it doesnt make it hurt any less. I still dont understand, regardless of what age.. how someone can just say , "eff off, good riddens , i'm with MR perfect." Its a terrible terrible thing.

Edited November 17, 2014 by winnerwinnerchicken

[Chi townD]

I fully agree, it's time to get your revenge. And the best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life.

[blackcat777]

On the subject of the best revenge, do something awesome for yourself. Learn something new, make one of your bucket list dreams a reality, and hardcore self-improve.

 

It starts off feeling like revenge, but over time, you'll feel so happy doing it, and it's you falling in love with yourself all over again.

 

My ex GIGS'ed off. It was the worst pain of my life.

 

So I joined a pole fitness class.

[hamid7]

i know how you feel bro. it hppens to me exactly. after 6 years.

 

GO NC no matter what.

 

contacting her just going to hurt you (happens to me). it is like they sucking life and emotion from your body and soul after each contact. and it gave them a ego boost.

 

no matter how special she was, just NC.

 

question:

is she change, different cloths, different make up, different friends...???

[Satu]

Go Total No Contact.

 

Anything else will just cause you misery.