Xidion Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 This may be quite lengthy as I am going to explain the relationship from front to back. We were together for 1 year and 8 months. I am 29, she is 21 Our relationship started off with a bang. I fell for her fast and she fell for me fast. We spent all of our free time together talking and getting to know each other. One thing that I should mention is that she did not leave her ex until she met me. She was with him for around 2 years. Also, before i go much further, she shows many signs of being BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). She was a cutter at a young age, product of divorce and neglect from her mother, and was also raped when she was 14. Anyway... early on in our relationship, i was talking to other girls.. which was a mistake. She found out about it in my phone, and we talked about it. I told her how much of a mistake it was and I stopped. She decided to stay in the relationship with me. So from this point on she was very insecure. She would often ask me if I was talking to other girls, go through my phone, and not allow me to talk to girls who had been life long friends. I gave those people up because in the end, I realized that i truly loved this girl and wanted to be with her. So about 8 months into our relationship, i get curious and look through her phone when she was asleep (stupid I know). I found pictures of a friend of hers that she sent to her email of him naked. Long story short, I woke her up and drove her home. She was going absolutely nuts the entire time asking me to talk to her. She chalked it up to getting back at me and would not take any responsibility for her own actions. I forgave her and we got back together. Throughout the relationship, there was a lot of distrust, but i believe we loved each other and kept working on it. About 4 months ago, we decided to get an apartment together. We both sign to the 1 year lease. I had got a promotion at my work. I was 50 hours mandatory and had to work late on weekends. This is when i started to feel her cut off emotionally towards me. She struggles with severe clinical depression. I would try my hardest to get her to open up to me, but she never would. During the time we lived together, I would wake up to her going through my phone, but at this point I was completely committed to her and our relationship. She came home one night from being out with some friends and she had a new case on her cell phone. I wanted to see it. As soon as I looked, she grabbed it out of my hand as if she were hiding something. I got the phone from her and looked at her texts... sure enough, she was texting with another guy sexual messages and exchanging dirty pictures. After looking at the phone records, she had been talking to this guy for 3 1/2 weeks everyday, all day. I was completely numb. She wouldn't respond to anything I had to ask her and had a complete blank look on her face. She moved out the next day. Like an idiot... I chased her. She convinced me that the reason it happened was because I didn't show her enough attention, I didn't make her feel special, and I had my friends over too much. She did not take responsibility for her own actions whatsoever. For the next 2 months, I did everything I could to make her happy and give her the attention she was asking for. Brought her home flowers randomly, spent all of my extra time with her. I poured all of my love and energy into making her happy. Well, I found out 1 month ago that she went to a party and got a number from a guy. She had started texting him. I asked who it was and she lied to me about it. She said it was her Aunt. I asked her to call the number and prove it to me, and she would not. She left me that day. I ran into her 2 days later. She was with the guy that I thought it was that she was lying about. I was absolutely crushed. It has been 2 weeks and 1 day since she left me. We have had little to no contact. I know the smart thing is to let her go. She wasn't honest. She never forgave me for the things I did a LONG time ago, after I forgave her for what she had done. She texted me yesterday telling me that she needs her name taken off the lease but she needs me to agree to it or the Landlord won't do it. I responded with "I will only agree to it if I am paid half of each months rent for the remainder of the lease in one lump sum." She responded with about 6 texts which I didn't respond to. She also called me about an hour later, and I did not answer. Part of me thinks that she really wants off the lease, part of me thinks that she is also using it to try to get attention from me. I have stayed NC has much as humanly possible. I am doing okay, but I am still having some anxiety over this. I'm trying to let go, but even after all that has happened. I still love her. I need advice on getting over this and what to do about the lease situation.
Seeker12 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Honestly, she sounds like shes still a kid, doesnt want to get tied down with a man, and is seriously open to other guys and other partners. Treat it as it is, she doesnt want the attention from you, she just wants her name off the lease, deal with it asap, keep it all formal and then hit NC full blown. NC is the only way youll recover to be honest, go out socialise, realise that theres more girls out there, find yourself a lady etc. etc.
Author Xidion Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 She had shown signs of immaturity all through the relationship. Every now and then I would ask her to stop being childish about certain things. She hated it. I feel as if she should have to pay towards some rent to be taken off the lease like she wants.
Chi townD Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Dude, she's a serial cheater. You don't need that in your life. Ignore her.
jackinthebox1 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 "im 29, she is 21" I dont need to read any more. My ex was a lot younger than me. I dont think thats an issue the age gap. The issue is though that they dont have maturity to sort out issues properly. Mine just broke it off for no reason apart from a slight squabble over something that again was just such an immature argument. Nothing wrong with going for the younger chicks, but dont expect a mature relationship if they are under 23 cos they are not on the same page
whatcanitellyou Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 "im 29, she is 21" I dont need to read any more. My ex was a lot younger than me. I dont think thats an issue the age gap. The issue is though that they dont have maturity to sort out issues properly. Mine just broke it off for no reason apart from a slight squabble over something that again was just such an immature argument. Nothing wrong with going for the younger chicks, but dont expect a mature relationship if they are under 23 cos they are not on the same page This. I'm quite a bit younger TV than my hb but I was 31 and divorced when we met. You got with a 21 year old and are now complaining that she's immature? Well yeah, she's 21..... what sort of maturity would you expect from her? Let it go, she's not ready. And in the future, watch the talking to others women thing, if you poison a relationship early on it has a way of continuing to come back. You introduce a lot of distrust with very little history to counter it so it's hard get past.
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