KindlyUnspoken23 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 First let me start by saying that over a year ago I got out of a 7 year abusive relationship and moved back home. I enjoy being single, but I met this guy while we both worked for a professional wrestling company and we hit it off. We had spent 2 nights together, and gone on 2 dates. We got into our first fight, so this story picks up from when we talked about it - and then the past couple days. [COLOR=#000000][FONT=tahoma] For the next two weeks after our fight, I didn't hear from him once. Granted, I was on a vacation, but not a word. I went to the show we were working on November 1st knowing I would see him, but I was beyond nervous and beyond furious. I was pretty nasty for the first 2 hours. Barely talked to him, and when he talked to me, I used one word responses or facial expressions. I'm done pretending to be happy when I'm not, so because I was mad, I was going to make sure he knew I was mad. He told me he probably couldn't go out after since he had a long drive home, but he did know we needed to talk and wasn't avoiding it. I went outside with him when he had a cigarette, and we didn't talk, but he just kept looking at me. And when he does that I melt. So before we went inside, I asked him for a hug and he REALLY hugged me. Pulls me into him, rubs his hand on my back, the whole deal. So I go "I miss you" and he goes "I miss me too" haha... that's what he does though, it's hilarious. At the end of the night I was about to go, and he was like "take care sweetheart" and I'm like "Really?" and he looked at me and said "Come on..." So we went outside, and sorta started having our talk. He started and was like "Look, I like you, and I hope you know that. But right now, I really do not have the time to date or be in a relationship. And when I am with you, I want to give you 100%" [before I continue, let me say... he works at a bar/restaurant Friday - Monday. But recently was asked to take care of his step-grandmother, who is sick & elderly Tuesday - Thursday. So he really is working 7 days a week]. I told him I understand that but I feel like he doesn't think about me when he DOES have free time. I said my schedule is more flexible than his, and so if he finds out he doesn't have to watch his grandma on a Wednesday, or knows he's leaving work at 9 on Friday, text me that morning. I told him my anger comes from the fact that he chased ME. He persued ME. He MADE me fall for him. And he completely understood that and says he hates that he had to push "us" aside, but his family comes first right now and that he knows I understand that [which I do bc I've been taking care of my sick grandmother since she was diagnosed, as well]. He had plans Sunday afternoon to go to his bar and watch the football game & said if he didn't have those plans I'd be coming home with him that night. I told him I'm not a needy person but a text message every now and again to know that I was thought about would be nice. Because until he told me he still liked me, I didn't know he did. He said as horrible as it sounds, until his grandma passes away he won't have time to persue anything with me, and we did have a laugh bc that sounds awful, but I do get it. He said he doesn't like people waiting for him and doesn't want me to wait bc he doesn't know when it will happen. I told him that I feel like he's the best thing that has come into my life in a very long time, and I owe it to myself to wait for him. I said I don't have anyone else lining up to have sex with me, or take me on a date, and I'll use this time to focus on myself until we're ready. He also apologized for freaking out on me the last time we were together and said he shouldn't have dumped all that on me, he just had a lot going on. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=tahoma]I love having talks like this with him because he looks right into my eyes the entire time. There were people coming in and out of the building and yet for 10 minutes it was just US. So, call me crazy for waiting, but I really do owe it to myself. As we were saying goodbye he pulled me into a hug and goes "We'll be fine"... not sure what that means, but found it interesting he said "we" and not "you'll"... and then, he kissed me goodbye. I was a little surprised by that too, cause he's only done that when he's been REALLY into our time together. Sure enough, two days later, I got a random text that just said hey and asked me how my day was. I thanked him again for talking to me on Saturday and told him I really hope we are able to figure out what "this" is someday. He said we will. Last Monday he randomly texted me because he wanted to see me, and I went over there. He was so excited to spend time with me, and told me he had been seriously thinking about an issue we were having and that he was ready to change the opinion he had about it for many years because he wanted to be with me so badly. This past Friday night, I also spent the night at his house. He told me he felt like he's changed since he moved back home (at the end of June) because he used to be a player and just want to sleep with girls and then kick them out. I asked what changed, and he said "I met you". He told me he loves spending time with me, and enjoys my company, and loves having me sleep next to him. I know he likes me. But, sometimes I just get so insecure because we aren't officially anything, we're just up in the air. His communication is awful at times. I texted him when I got home yesterday like he asked and told him I can't wait to see him again and he never replied. And, a lot of times, he just never texts. He doesn't like/comment anything on my facebook. I just don't know how to read him sometimes. I don't want to be insecure in myself anymore, or insecure in what he and I have because he has been nothing but honest and has told me things that I should love and cherish. Every situation is different, but I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to better relax about this situation and just hope that him and I can be in a relationship one day soon.[/FONT][/COLOR]
RoseHeart Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I'm one of those people who personally don't see why or how people can make excuses to not be with someone. I can be the busiest person in the entire world, but that won't stop me from being being with the person I love and perusing a relationship. If both people know what the situation is and can accept that they might not see the person as often due to circumstances then I don't see a reason to not want to commit to someone if you genuinely are interested in them and want them. I'll get insecure too if someone just wants me to wait around. Bad communication is also a bad sign. One would think that if someone can't make time to see you in person they'd at least try to keep up with you over texting or some other form. I personally think everyone deserves someone who is 100% invested in them, wants to be with them for real and doesn't make any kind of excuse to not pursue a relationship. I also have a lot on my plate but that will never stop me from wanting to be in a committed relationship with someone I care about. Even if we don't get to spend as much time together.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I think you need to take a step back and take a deep breath. You've only gone on two dates. Give it space and time to grow. The way you describe it, you're putting high expectations on this. It's nice to know someone is into you, but he's directly told you not to expect a relationship from it any time soon. Keep your options open for the time being. Experience has taught me not to wait for someone who isn't putting the same effort or time into it, nor asked me to do so.
Author KindlyUnspoken23 Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 I think you need to take a step back and take a deep breath. You've only gone on two dates. Give it space and time to grow. The way you describe it, you're putting high expectations on this. It's nice to know someone is into you, but he's directly told you not to expect a relationship from it any time soon. Keep your options open for the time being. Experience has taught me not to wait for someone who isn't putting the same effort or time into it, nor asked me to do so. I see where you're coming from. Yes, it's been 2 dates. But it's been 4 times of spending the night together. I told him I would wait for him [because I have a lot of stuff going on - and don't mind being single for awhile], but if there's a time when I need to stop waiting [if he finds someone else, etc] he just needs to tell me. I played so hard to get for awhile too. I was doing so good lol
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