The Poster Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 (edited) Backstory: We met online in early September. I couldn't believe how well we hit it off. We connected on so many levels and we shared a lot of the same views. I was floored how amazing it was. The first 7 weeks were bliss. We are in a mild LDR (1.5 hour drive) so we can only see eachother on weekends, but it was passionate. Long phone conversations lasting until the break of dawn. When we were together it was like I've known her forever. We were infatuated with eachother. About 3 weeks ago, she lost her job. This job was her only source of income and what she used to pay for school. She became overwhelmed with stress. She also had to move back in with her mom because her previous situation was causing her more stress and drama. The problem is, ever since this happened, she's been extremely hot and cold, and more cold in general. I did everything I could to try and relax her and make her feel better. I've sent her various relaxing lotions and oils. I give her words of positivity and words of encouragement, but she isn't the same. I'll drive there on the weekends and the first night is great. It's normal. But then the second day she just shuts down and makes me feel unwanted and that I'm more of a nuisance than anything else. She's become angry. Her passion just isn't the same anymore. Sometimes when I go to kiss her she has this look like she doesn't really want it. My first thought was "maybe she just lost her interest for me." Except, during the week, she'll still tell me how much she misses me and continue to ask how I'm feeling/doing and how may day is. I don't know what to do. I don't know if her stress is just clouding her judgement or making her not realize what she's doing but she's become mean sometimes. I cleaned the kitchen last night and she kind of yelled at me for doing it. Saying it wasn't my job and it was unnecessary. She's a very independent, I can handle things on my own kind of girl. I talked to her about it last night before bed and she freaked out on me, saying the things I do to try and help her are only reminding her of her stress. Made me feel really bad. To make matters worse, whenever her sister and her sister's baby are around, she instantly gets chipper and happy again, and it just makes me feel like she doesn't want me around. I understand this could just be the end, and if it is so be it, but the first, pre-stress 7 weeks were magical. She was so sweet and passionate and supportive and understanding...and now she is just angry and mean most of the time making me feel unwanted. My first reaction was to now just take a major step back and give her space. Let her figure it out and hope she has an epiphany and comes around. I mean, not long ago she was telling me I was the greatest man she ever met and that I was her best friend. And now...this. Anyone have any advice? Tips? I could really use them. Edited November 16, 2014 by The Poster
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Within seven weeks she was telling you that you're her best friend and the greatest man she ever met? Woah. Sorry but many relationships start out with total bliss, infatuation, this is perfect etc. and then a couple months in, one person feels the infatuation wear off and realises that they're just not into the person anymore. Often instead of being man or woman enough to end it outright, they just go hot and cold until it dies a slow and painful death. If she's treating you like this before two months is up it isn't gonna get any better, and while the job may have contributed, this is who she is. And this is how she behaves under stress. Sounds like she feels you're getting under her feet and doesn't want you around. Pick up on the signals and disappear. Back off. Not to 'get her back' because it won't work, but to move on. It's been less than a couple months, you can't have hung out more than maybe 15 times? It's gone way too fast if she's saying crazy stuff about you being her best friend and the fastest things usually crash the soonest. 1
KatZee Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Well it's understandable that she's changed a bit since the loss of her job. It's very stressful and if she has to worry about bills, rent, a car, etc... the stress of having to find a way to still be able to afford it all and find a job as quick as possible is most likely taking up the majority of her emotions and what's going on in her head. That being said, it doesn't give her the right to just treat you however she wants. You're being supportive and caring and she doesn't just get to talk to you however, or treat you however. You need to tell her this. It's fine that she's stressed, it's normal. But she can either deal with it properly or end the relationship. You shouldn't be with someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like garbage just because of what's going on in THEIR life and that you have absolutely no control over. If she doesn't want you to be supportive, and it's "reminding her of stress" then just back off 95%. Leave her alone. Let her see the stark difference between a caring boyfriend and a boyfriend who doesn't give a s.hit. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 What's going on with her has nothing to do with you but your fledging relationship might be a casualty of circumstances. Offer to help with her job search or even to proofread her resume. Until she gets that straightened out she's not going to have the time for other matters.
Author The Poster Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 Within seven weeks she was telling you that you're her best friend and the greatest man she ever met? Woah. Sorry but many relationships start out with total bliss, infatuation, this is perfect etc. and then a couple months in, one person feels the infatuation wear off and realises that they're just not into the person anymore. Often instead of being man or woman enough to end it outright, they just go hot and cold until it dies a slow and painful death. If she's treating you like this before two months is up it isn't gonna get any better, and while the job may have contributed, this is who she is. And this is how she behaves under stress. Sounds like she feels you're getting under her feet and doesn't want you around. Pick up on the signals and disappear. Back off. Not to 'get her back' because it won't work, but to move on. It's been less than a couple months, you can't have hung out more than maybe 15 times? It's gone way too fast if she's saying crazy stuff about you being her best friend and the fastest things usually crash the soonest. I wouldn't say it's going too fast. The best friend comment was more about how well she could connect with me and talk to me about anything. She just hasn't been the same the last few weeks. Well it's understandable that she's changed a bit since the loss of her job. It's very stressful and if she has to worry about bills, rent, a car, etc... the stress of having to find a way to still be able to afford it all and find a job as quick as possible is most likely taking up the majority of her emotions and what's going on in her head. That being said, it doesn't give her the right to just treat you however she wants. You're being supportive and caring and she doesn't just get to talk to you however, or treat you however. You need to tell her this. It's fine that she's stressed, it's normal. But she can either deal with it properly or end the relationship. You shouldn't be with someone who thinks it's OK to treat you like garbage just because of what's going on in THEIR life and that you have absolutely no control over. If she doesn't want you to be supportive, and it's "reminding her of stress" then just back off 95%. Leave her alone. Let her see the stark difference between a caring boyfriend and a boyfriend who doesn't give a s.hit. This is exactly what I was thinking. She has a good heart, I just think she's struggling and doesn't want me to keep worrying about her when I have my own things to worry about, and she doesn't know how to handle it. She told me when this stress all started that "she never had someone like me in her life and didn't know how to wrap her head around it." Which to me meant I was so caring and kind and she isn't used to it. I guess she still doesn't know how to handle it. I wouldn't even say she doesn't appreciate my gestures. I think she does, I just don't think she knows how to handle it, as strange as that sounds. Either way, stepping back seems to be what I need to do no matter what. She had a fight with her mom when I was there last week over money and bills and her mom came to me and said "just be patient with her, she's a good girl who's going through a lot" So, I don't know. I don't plan on going to see her for a while. Maybe once she sees me fading away she'll realize how nice it is to have a boyfriend who is so caring. Or maybe it wasn't meant to be.
spiderowl Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 It could certainly be the stress - she's lost everything she built in the way of independence. It could be that she's embarassed now that her family are about and doesn't feel as free to express herself. But, she is being horrible to you and continuing to be so. She hasn't apologised, has she? I think you'd be justified in telling her that she has changed and you don't like the way she's treating you. Yes, it may be the end but it's not what it was any longer and you deserve a caring person for yourself.
Author The Poster Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 It could certainly be the stress - she's lost everything she built in the way of independence. It could be that she's embarassed now that her family are about and doesn't feel as free to express herself. But, she is being horrible to you and continuing to be so. She hasn't apologised, has she? I think you'd be justified in telling her that she has changed and you don't like the way she's treating you. Yes, it may be the end but it's not what it was any longer and you deserve a caring person for yourself. Yes, she's apologized before for taking her anger out on me. I want to be patient because this isn't the same girl I knew the first 7 weeks, but at the same time, this isn't fair to me. I just don't understand. All week she tells me how much she misses me, can't wait to cuddle and be with me, then I go there and the first day is fine, and then the second day she becomes angry and irritated. I haven't spoken to her yet since she blew up last night when I asked her why she was so quiet and not talking to me. I slept in bed with her, but we didn't even touch, I woke up, kissed her on her forehead and left while she was still sleeping. I don't know when I'll hear from her or what she'll say but I'm ready for anything at this point.
Author The Poster Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 I just feel like there will come a day when she's going to sit back and realize how good I was to her and how hard I tried to make her happy and smile when she needed it the most. I just don't know if it will be too late by then. She's a good girl, and no matter what I hope she finds peace and things get better for her personally.
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