SolG Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I recently made a new friend through my gym. We really hit it off; had lots of convos then out for coffee, then dinner... Then I told her all about my A. And she empathised given she had had a long term A in her history as well. It was really catharcic. The day after my OW 'confession' (btw, my first ever full discussion in more than four years) I felt soooooo light and relieved. Then the second guessing guilt kicked in. Should I be talking about this? Am I wrong to be sharing? Am I inviting disaster? :-/ I was just wondering if any of you other OW/M have ever experienced this sense of guilt at even talking about your A.
FusionCutter Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I recently made a new friend through my gym. We really hit it off; had lots of convos then out for coffee, then dinner... Then I told her all about my A. And she empathised given she had had a long term A in her history as well. It was really catharcic. The day after my OW 'confession' (btw, my first ever full discussion in more than four years) I felt soooooo light and relieved. Then the second guessing guilt kicked in. Should I be talking about this? Am I wrong to be sharing? Am I inviting disaster? :-/ I was just wondering if any of you other OW/M have ever experienced this sense of guilt at even talking about your A. Talking about things openly and honestly brings a sense of emotional honesty. That's why it feels good. It's also the key for getting close with someone. Talking about difficulties ALWAYS helps. It's so important. Have a good group of friends and network to depend on for these types of situations is essential. Or get a therapist. If only all MM/MW chose to be emotionally honest with themselves and their spouses, you wouldn't be seeing all this pain on these boards. 1
Poppy47 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I have told a few people. One friend ceased to contact me while I was having the A. Another listened disapprovingly. I only talk about it here now. Poppy
FusionCutter Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I don't think it's healthy to live lives in isolation. Sharing emotional thoughts creates a sense of closeness with someone. Things we lock inside can often get too crazy and powerful and ruin us. If things are wrecking you, see a therapist, a professional. You can ruin friendships if they can't handle what you say to them, since sharing the emotional burden is too much for them.
Sassy Girl Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I have told no one, but MM told a childhood friend on Friday night. Not sure how I feel about that. They were bonding over alcohol and sharing stuff, I suppose. MMs friend came out to him as gay - MM decided to share his biggest secret. He seemed relieved that he was able to tell someone. But I won't be telling anyone.
Summer Breeze Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 My friends and most of my family met him. They all knew about our situation and any that fell out of my life because of it weren't missed. I had some very candid conversations with people and some disapproved but that is absolutely their right. I could never hide a relationship. It's not in me to do that at all. I'm all about privacy but not about secrets. 1
Lovemesomehim Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I shared after I found out he was married. If I would have made the decision to continue the affair, I would have kept it a secret, due to the fact that I did not know his wife or who she knows.
still_an_Angel Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 The first time I told my brother I felt more afraid of his reaction than guilt.
cocorico Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 My friends and most of my family met him. They all knew about our situation and any that fell out of my life because of it weren't missed. I had some very candid conversations with people and some disapproved but that is absolutely their right. I could never hide a relationship. It's not in me to do that at all. I'm all about privacy but not about secrets. This holds for me, too. Our R was never a secret. We were part of each other's lives. He met my friends and relevant family, and I met his. (Now they are our friends, and our family.) if I felt I had to keep something quiet I would normally have shared, I would have felt uncomfortable with the situation and would have walked away. I cannot live inauthentically. 1
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