heartbroken1357 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Hi guys, I'm really struggling atm, I've recently had my heartbroken for the third time, this time I really thought things were different and this girl wanted to get to know me after a whole year of building myself up I was happy in life the happiest I'd ever been.. then i let her in, let my wall down, she dated me for a month or so and I missed the red flags, end of a long relationship, fast moving introductions, quick to get into bed with me etc.. she called it off out of the blue when she'd only just been telling me how comfortable she felt around me and how crazy she felt about me. I was shocked spent the next few weeks looking for answers, biting at her breadcrumbs, then one day she snapped and told me the truth, she was pregnant and she had to end it as she really liked me and would of kept it had we of stayed together but she knew it was best for us to go seperate ways. she had the abortion and almost didn't tell me, ive been consumed with guilt, anxiety depression, sleepless nights and what ifs and regrets ever since. I've been written off work, started smoking not eating and driving recklessly. I have so many mixed emotions as I told myself I wouldn't date her and I let it happen against my better judgement, I hate myself and I'm completely lost I don't know who I am anymore I'm a shadow of my former self, nearly 2 months have passed and it feels like days. All my friends have tried to help me through it and keep telling me how I deserve better, I have a decent job a nice car and house and good health, I like to think I'm a genuinely nice guy but I wear my heart on my sleeve, I look back in hindsight I should have seen her a mile off but I didn't. They tell me how she's dirt and selfish and a liar and she just isn't relationship material, I can see that she isn't independent is in her 20s hasn't bothered to learn to drive and has no career prospects but to me that didn't matter, I feel I deserve better then how she has treated me but I can't let go of the physical attraction I had to her and her personality before all this happend. It's completely flipped my life into a 180 I miss her, the abortion cripples me, everytime I see a baby or anything on the TV I'm consumed. I'm on medication and whatnot I just don't see a way out anytime soon.
Reels Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Medication in this situation was also a wrong decision. Like you know, there are side effects, and when you are emotionally hurt, it is likely that the effects will be harmful. I think you weren't prepared for the next relationship. You should have taken longer break. But its never too late, you really need some rest.
Itspointless Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I am really sorry for you and feel your pain. I have never experienced an abortion though, so I only can imagine your pain with that. Sometimes we are sucked in even when we are careful, simply because they are amazing and the best we ever have experienced. At those moments we cant see yet how our exes will react to stressors. I also found that out a year ago. Just as you I had let my wall down. man was I shocked. My new girlfriend was the best thing that seriously ever had happened to me, but she pushed me away when she got seriously ill. I of-course wanted to be there for her. You can beat yourself up, but with some things in life we simply are just powerless. Do not feel guilty, it was her who pushed you away: she fled, just like my ex: who told me she always wants to solve problems alone and did not even want to talk about it. She did once with me, as she felt she owed me. The way you write I also see that you are mourning over your baby. It is very painful that you had to learn afterwards. Sometimes trauma makes us numb, rips apart every fibre of who are. It is hard, but see it as a chance to get to a better place with a new sense of self. Try to focus on you just as you are day by day.
Mcnulty Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I would seriously think about the meds your taking. they may be clouding/hindering what should be a natural grieving/healing process. You've had a rough deal, but you yourself say you have your health, friends, a job etc...a damned good platform to learn, grieve and move forward psychologically...meds though...have a think about if they really are helping.
Paidtheprice Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Man I'm sorry you're going through this! Im fresh into my BU. At times I too feel that I'm lost and don't know who I am. What i find helpful is being around family and friends that knew who i was before my ex. It's easy to lose oneself when we did everything together with our ex's. Stay strong and think positive! We are here for you! Chin up brother!
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