may_girl Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 (edited) Hi all Loveshackers. I have been FWB with this guy for almost a year. It is explicitly sex but we do really get on. He is 26 and I am 24. He inititally did want more than that in the beginning but the arrangement was quickly set in stone and we both knew what we were getting out of it. Until a couple weeks ago we had been better than ever. He was more responsive to my needs and started to get me worked up for the next time I was due to see him (should have been next weekend). There was a lot of flirting back and forth, as I say more than we have ever had. Then the ignoring started. I sent him very sexy message about a week ago and it got ignored. Feeling bemused and a bit embarrassed, I sent him a message yesterday joking about it, asking if he was okay. He simply replied "I have started seeing someone and didn't know how to tell you". Although it made me a little disappointed, I simply replied "I'm not sure why you didn't know how to tell me. We aren't anything afterall. I guess that's it done then?" He replied: "For now - yes" And that was that. Guess I won't be hearing from him until something goes wrong with her and he wants me as his sex again. I am a bit bored of it though. He constantly lets me down. Friends have told me to ignore any message he sends in the future whether he is single or not. I know this is best but it is difficult because I really care for him and we have opened up a lot to each other about things. I have known him 10 years and he knows he is my weakness. I am not upset he has a girlfriend, I never wanted him myself. But I just feel disappointed this has been taken away from me. Also that he has managed to find somebody before I have (that sounds so silly!). However young it sounds, I want to feel like I have some control over this so I want to leave knowing I have that, or at least he thinks I do. Advice? Do I say any more? Leave my response at that? Thanks all. Edited November 16, 2014 by may_girl
Coe Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 It was bound to happen sometime. You should just leave it at that and move on. And if you want another FWB I wouldn't imagine that's difficult to find as a 24 year old female(even if you were hideous)
central Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I think there's nothing more to be said. It's time to move on. Apparently, the friendship part of your FWB was fairly weak, though. And of course if he's got a girlfriend, she may not be okay with the friendship anyway, and she will have priority if he's into her. Yes, it is disappointing when a good FWB arrangement ends, even when you know that it will happen someday. You can only wish them the best and move on - it served its purpose while it lasted. Sometimes the friendship will persist, though, which can be great. I had a two year FWB end and we remained friends, but we seldom get to see each other even with our current significant others along (who do know about it).
Author may_girl Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 I just text him for the last time saying "I hope it works out well for you, take care :)" So bizarre how this seems so final. I know the right thing to do would be to leave it now.
Seeker12 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I just text him for the last time saying "I hope it works out well for you, take care :)" So bizarre how this seems so final. I know the right thing to do would be to leave it now. Honestly, just leave it, you had a casual relationship based on sex i guess, and thats as far as he took it. Unfortunately theres always one party who unintentionally gets attached and gets used to the access etc. which at this point is you. Once you find another FWB, or hopefully a boyfriend wholl take you seriously, this guy will be a dot in the mirror.
stillafool Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Please don't contact him again. Definitely the only thing left to do is find another FWB. This girl didn't settle for that type of relationship with him and he commited to her. Maybe you should look for a boyfriend next time around. Good luck.
Author may_girl Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 I know there is nothing else I can say or do. It has been playing on my mind most the day though. Wondering what it is about me that makes me not girlfriend material, hmm. These situations never have a happy ending I guess
evanescentworld Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 ....You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel Hogwash. Can't be done. Why? Because of feelings, emotions and attachments. They come, part and parcel, with any physical aspect of a liaison. you have sex with someone - and right there, it's an involvement. You can "FWB, FWB!" all you like. A spark, like it or not, always, but always exists. I have not seen one, single, solitary damn FWB tale on here that DIDN'T have an emotional fall-out. I truly do not believe a clean-cut, absolutely-no-strings thing can ever happen. heart gets in the way of grind. 1
stillafool Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I know there is nothing else I can say or do. It has been playing on my mind most the day though. Wondering what it is about me that makes me not girlfriend material, hmm. These situations never have a happy ending I guess If you want to be someones girlfriend don't start as a FWB. Tell him you are looking for a relationship and take your time before jumping in the sack with him. Men like to chase a little.
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Wondering what it is about me that makes me not girlfriend material, hmm. Spend a little time being honest with yourself. You say you aren't upset about this, but you're obviously hurt. You spent nearly a year having meaningless sex without ever demanding a commitment. He doesn't see you as girlfriend material because you never acted like it.
avintagegirl Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 You sound really conflicted. First: It is explicitly sex but we do really get on. Those two statements don't jive to me. we both knew what we were getting out of it. We aren't anything afterall. I really care for him and we have opened up a lot to each other about things. Again your statements don't jive for me. You said initially he wanted more, but it sounds like he settled for fwb until he found more. You opened up to him, but you still made it clear you two weren't anything. Now he has found someone and you say: I am not upset he has a girlfriend, I never wanted him myself. But I just feel disappointed this has been taken away from me. Also that he has managed to find somebody before I have (that sounds so silly!). However young it sounds, I want to feel like I have some control over this so I want to leave knowing I have that, or at least he thinks I do. Are you for real right now? What did you expect to happen? To me, it sounds like you did have control - in the beginning, when you weren't interested and it went to a fwb situation. To me this doesnt sound young. It sounds manipulative. Maybe that is too harsh. But here is a man who you didnt want to be in a relationship with, who you didn't want for yourself, who went one to find someone and now you want to pull his strings? I know there is nothing else I can say or do. It has been playing on my mind most the day though. Wondering what it is about me that makes me not girlfriend material, hmm. Im going to be super honest here. What didnt make you gf material was you saying you didn't want to be his gf. He wanted you to be and you said no. Advice? Do I say any more? Leave my response at that? Thanks all. Girl - cut your losses, put your big girl panties on and move on.
LisaSmith_1970 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I kind of went through the same thing. Although it was nice that your FWB at least told you he was seeing someone. My FWB on the other hand, wanted a break for no apparent reason and doesn't want to tell me anything upfront. But yes, those are the "typical" signs of when a FWB is no longer interested, when he doesn't respond your texts like he normally did, that's exactly what my FWB did, I sent him all these sexy texts, never got a response back, until I told him what the deal was. How hard is it for people to be blunt?
loversquarrel Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Guys are just as picky and selective as women when it comes to entering into a relationship, sometimes even more so. Men are not as selective with who they can sleep with but are overly selective with who they choose to commit to. Giving yourself that easily with no expectations really does turn men off from you as a prospect. 1
KatZee Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I know there is nothing else I can say or do. It has been playing on my mind most the day though. Wondering what it is about me that makes me not girlfriend material, hmm. These situations never have a happy ending I guess I'm really confused. He initially wanted more from you....and you never wanted him "like that"... So what exactly is your issue? Either you're lying or denying to yourself that you actually like the guy or you're just all ego. Which is it?
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