Chatmonkey Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 (edited) With the relationship I just came out of, i've never been so attracted to someone for their looks and personal qualities. It's over now as she doesn't feel the same way. Im finishing day 15 NC so doing well and progressing. But is there anyone else who has ever been just so attracted to someone like no one before them, and then lost them? Have you been able to find someone new who creates such a spark like them? Or will this haunt me forever... I'm feeling a bit down right now. Edited November 16, 2014 by Chatmonkey
Niko 2021 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 (edited) It will only haunt you if you let it. Sometimes a breakup can affect someone forever. Don't be that weak. Even I, my ex cheated on me, lived a double life for a year, and I only found out a month ago. I'm sticking with NC, and I won't lie, it's tough, but I'm doing better. NC is the only tool you have to get better right now, and it'll build a strong foundation for you to move on. While time does heal all, it's more of what you do with that time that makes all of the difference. I know where you're coming from, my ex was my "mirror." I was going to propose to her. We were together 5 years. Then, like most people do in their mid 20's, she completely changed. She went from being a prude to a cheating slut. Anyways, you have to ask yourself if you want to move on. You'll never forget. I doubt I'd ever forget (read my thread, it will send chills down your spine) Edited November 16, 2014 by Niko 2021
jackinthebox1 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 My ex was the hottest gf i've ever had, and i've had some really hot gfs. And at the time when we broke up i thought every one of them was the greatest person ever. Ur brain will confuse u into thinking this. I went to a party tonight and met an even hotter girl. Wether we will gel personality wise i dont know but i can not wait to get back in the dating game now.
jbear0111 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I feel exactly the same,to me my ex was the "perfect" girl for me,the "one",my "soulmate".Everytime I saw her my heart skipped a beat and I used to look at her thinking "wow ". I had such a spark with her and in time went from being a fairly grounded strong individual to an insecure over romanticizing stressed out wreck, primarily because of the demands she was putting on me and my need to keep the relationship going. She left me 2 months ago after i said i wouldnt keep on giving into her demands and me recognising that some of the things she was saying and doing just didnt ring true. I broke no contact constantly as i didnt think i would find anyone like her again,i was addicted and besotted by her, completely unhealthy and i knew that but i just couldnt let her go. 4 days ago, i thought i cant go on, i need to take control of me as she was still doing it to me mentally although she never responded to my emails or texts tho i know she blocked me on fb and suspect the same with everything else. i had to go Nc and stay with it because thats the only way id get through it.i also went to my 1st counselling session yesterday and am doing all i can to help myself.........because she certainly wont! Not going to lie,its a struggle each day but reading posts by others on here inspires me and suggests there is light at the end of the tunnel. I still put her on that pedestal and think about all the good times,great sex,her touch,smile and everything else that makes you happy in a relationship. unfortunately i dont focus on all the crap times i had with her and need to do that,coz boy there were many. good luck on your journey,because thats what i believe it is.to find the man i was before i met her
evanescentworld Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 With the relationship I just came out of, i've never been so attracted to someone for their looks and personal qualities. It's over now as she doesn't feel the same way. Im finishing day 15 NC so doing well and progressing. But is there anyone else who has ever been just so attracted to someone like no one before them, and then lost them? Have you been able to find someone new who creates such a spark like them? Or will this haunt me forever... I'm feeling a bit down right now. I have had 6 partners throughout my life; all long-term, serious relationships. If you could line them up and compare them, you would be astounded at the differences between them. Build, looks, provenance, backgrounds - an enormous diversity. (Actually, 'lining them up' even I am a little surprised at the marked differences!) But do you know what really made each one stand out for me? Personality. Humour. Character. Temperament. Opinions. Views. Intellect. Interests. Attitude. Nothing to do with how any of them looked, really. And I can't even say that all of the above were identical. In some cases, they weren't even similar. But there was a meeting of minds and a connection which caused a spark with all of them. Let me tell you something, as a matter of personal experience, and observing the relationships of couples I know well, who have been long-term partners: Looks fade. Sexuality and libido inevitably fade, over time. BUT: Intellect. mental stimulation. Humour. Conversation. Interests. THOSE really matter. You have to aim to meet someone whose mental and temperamental levels match yours. MATCH yours. Someone whose company will always pique your interest, teach you something about Life, and move you forward - and someone for whom you can do the same. There is nothing more enriching than laughing with someone you'd die for, no matter what they look like. Because the quality of your relationship is something you value above everything else. My parents did it for 57 years. I have found the man who does it to me - and I to him. Don't get me wrong: There are many disagreements, there are many polar opposite views. But respect and acceptance are of huge importance; communication - LISTENING, TALKING - and giving one another the personal right to be, are what make a relationship stimulating, beyond the dying of the light. Look for the MENTAL attraction. Look for the person who makes you think "I could talk to you for hours and never get bored!" Because when mentally, someone does it for you, right across the board, they will always be beautiful and precious. 2
Author Chatmonkey Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 I said personal qualities also in the first post so this is not just about looks. But I do love the way she looks as she seems tailored to my taste. In terms of her as a person, we could not be more opposite, which is what kept drawing me in. In the past I was with similar people such as myself but this girl came from a different world and it excited me. I had never had my attraction and feelings for someone rise so steeply over the course of knowing them :/ I want to find it again and don't want to go back to spending so much time with someone that feelings finally arrive..
lemonsugar Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I said personal qualities also in the first post so this is not just about looks. But I do love the way she looks as she seems tailored to my taste. In terms of her as a person, we could not be more opposite, which is what kept drawing me in. In the past I was with similar people such as myself but this girl came from a different world and it excited me. I had never had my attraction and feelings for someone rise so steeply over the course of knowing them :/ I want to find it again and don't want to go back to spending so much time with someone that feelings finally arrive.. Day 16 for me it is getting better so at the same point ! You will find the one it just takes time.
glimpse Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 It's normal to think "there's no one could ever replace you," but sooner or later, you'll find out there are. It's still a pretty fresh break up so it'll take time. Keep busy with friends, hobbies, and self-improvement. It took me about 2-3 years after an 8 year relationship with "there's no one that could ever replace her" to get over that phrase. You'll realize you deserve so much more and can get more than you ever thought you could. Hang in there, everything will workout before you know it. 1
evanescentworld Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Opposites attract, but too much, and it breaks the connection. This is why I have 5 previous LTRs.....because although originally, there were huge sparks indicating a compatibility across the range, in the end, there were just too many differences that ended up being too wide to span. When people say (regarding relationships) that opposites attract, what they mean is that the other person has diverse interests to you, but they make you curious and want to participate, learn, get involved and expand your own horizons. But - and again, I emphasise - the other person has to feel the same way. My parents were distinctly different: Huge age gap, different countries of origin, cultures, religions, upbringings.... but what held them together was their admiration for one another, and their eagerness to get - and stay - involved in the others' life. The glue that held them together was the ability to communicate, intellectualise, discuss, argue, compare - All On The Same level. A couple MUST be able to sustain the interest for one another. But if one is putting in more than the other - or conversely, is not getting as much out of it - crash, bang, wallop. What a mess....
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