Darren2013 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 There are benefits to dating a woman that I have lukewarm interest in. As I said before I am a believer that a relationship works much better when the woman's interest level is higher than the man's. The lower a man's interest level the more objective he can be and the more likely that his rational brain will govern his decisions instead of his emotions. I can be more objective and rational in my decisions when my interest level is at 55% than it is at 75%. Letting the rational brain rule my decisions certainly has long term dividends to pay off. It was Mr. Miyagi who said never put passion before principle. You lose each time. For those who don't know Mr. Miyagi is like the God of karate in the movie Karate Kid from the 1980s. So perhaps it is all the more reason to not be all that concerned about my own interest level when I find dating opportunities just as long as my interest level is 51% or higher. It is okay if it starts out at 55% on the first date because it will likely grow with time. How will I know my interest level is only 55%? I will know when I am not all that excited about going on that first date. I will be thinking "Eh she's okay. I'll give her a shot with one date and see what happens". But I am not too excited to be there. I'm not even thinking about sex with her. What if my interest level stays at 55% with more dates with her? That's okay and that's ideal because that means my rational brain is in control and when she is ready to break up with me it won't feel like such a big loss and I can just say "okay see you" and be eager to move on to the next woman 5 minutes after the breakup. Better to avoid the women I feel strongly for and date the women I feel lukewarm about.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 What if my interest level stays at 55% with more dates with her? That's okay and that's ideal because that means my rational brain is in control and when she is ready to break up with me it won't feel like such a big loss and I can just say "okay see you" and be eager to move on to the next woman 5 minutes after the breakup. Uh, personally that sounds like an awful and selfish way to live but if your desire to only be in relationships where you feel you're 100% rejection proof outweighs your desire to be with someone you actually like then more power to you I guess. Better to avoid the women I feel strongly for and date the women I feel lukewarm about. Ok welp, best of luck to ya. 2
Tik Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 All I hear is insecurity and pulling up ones walls afraid of getting hurt. You got one life. Give yourself 80 years and YOU'RE DEAD. Live a little. That girl you are crazy about? Ask her out, date her and you never know what could happen. It could be the happy ever after everyone wants or it could end and if it does end, who cares you move on to your next big dream or interest. Hole yourself up on girls you aren't crazy about and you'll end up as that couple about to divorce seeing a marriage councilor after one party was caught rooting the boss or secretary.
todreaminblue Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Darren you over think things i have read many of your threads and your fear and over thinking is crippling you...i recognise the fear because sometimes i have it too...take the leap darren do what ultimately makes you the happiest at heart level not the safest.....best wishes...deb
Xiang Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 There are benefits to dating a woman that I have lukewarm interest in. As I said before I am a believer that a relationship works much better when the woman's interest level is higher than the man's. The lower a man's interest level the more objective he can be and the more likely that his rational brain will govern his decisions instead of his emotions. I can be more objective and rational in my decisions when my interest level is at 55% than it is at 75%. Letting the rational brain rule my decisions certainly has long term dividends to pay off. It was Mr. Miyagi who said never put passion before principle. You lose each time. For those who don't know Mr. Miyagi is like the God of karate in the movie Karate Kid from the 1980s. So perhaps it is all the more reason to not be all that concerned about my own interest level when I find dating opportunities just as long as my interest level is 51% or higher. It is okay if it starts out at 55% on the first date because it will likely grow with time. How will I know my interest level is only 55%? I will know when I am not all that excited about going on that first date. I will be thinking "Eh she's okay. I'll give her a shot with one date and see what happens". But I am not too excited to be there. I'm not even thinking about sex with her. What if my interest level stays at 55% with more dates with her? That's okay and that's ideal because that means my rational brain is in control and when she is ready to break up with me it won't feel like such a big loss and I can just say "okay see you" and be eager to move on to the next woman 5 minutes after the breakup. Better to avoid the women I feel strongly for and date the women I feel lukewarm about. Amaizing that people can think like me. After trying several ladies, i came to the same conclusion, it's not that i want to be "rejection proof". But it seems that when a woman cares more than me the relationships goes a lot better and lasts longer. WHen i care more, the woman leaves me in a couple of months. And it is because of what he has mentioned, when i care more, i am less objective and let things slide...i lose my backbone when i care to much. Need to fix ^^.
sillyanswer Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 There are benefits to dating a woman that I have lukewarm interest in. As I said before I am a believer that a relationship works much better when the woman's interest level is higher than the man's. The lower a man's interest level the more objective he can be and the more likely that his rational brain will govern his decisions instead of his emotions. I can be more objective and rational in my decisions when my interest level is at 55% than it is at 75%. You have, indeed, said these things before... on and off for years! Why date someone you're only lukewarm about? Where's the fun in that?
Author Darren2013 Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 Darren you over think things i have read many of your threads and your fear and over thinking is crippling you...i recognise the fear because sometimes i have it too...take the leap darren do what ultimately makes you the happiest at heart level not the safest.....best wishes...deb It seems like that is the culture we live in today in America. The trend these days is more people are just being led by their feelings and their penis instead of their rational brain. There has been a sexual explosion in our culture and a more laxed view about it. By the way I should mention that in the type of work enviornment I work in it is very common for husband and wife to work together and even for blood relatives to work together. So while it isn't technically against my company policy for coworkers to date that still doesn't make it a good idea. With this kind of work enviornment I don't know how workers can separate professional from personal relationships. There's at least 4 or 5 couples working closely together. But I understand the temptation that people get into to do that. Most of us spend most of our waking hours at work and have very little time to shop around online for dates or to go anywhere else to meet others. The work routine can get boring and mundane and it is inevitable that sometimes depending on the kind of work that they do coworkers are going to engage in talk about things that are off the subject of work to pass the time. Human beings are social animals so this is natural. It has been hard for me the last 3 months to go against that and just focus on my work. And that talking can have a cumulative effect over time where feelings slowly creep up. There's no shame in having a crush on someone but that doesn't mean it is good in a practical sense to even act on it. Once I start talking myself into opening that door a crack then it gets easier and easier and easier for my rational mind to justify opening that door a little more each time and then before you know it I get consumed with seeing how much sex I can have with her. What feels right isn't always right.
eye of the storm Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Darren, Have you ever eaten a meal and then an hour later couldn't remember what you ate? You know it was food and you know you are not hungry anymore but the food was so unmemorable that you just don't recall what it was. That is the type of relationship you are looking for. You want to live behind walls so well protected and have your environment so controlled that you can't let anyone in that might make you care. When you love someone you are vulnerable. It is like a rollercoaster ride. Scary, exciting, and sometimes over too soon. But to have never been out there and felt those amazing feelings is sad. Does love hurt? Sometimes But its worth it. Darren, you make me sad because you seem so intent to live your life behind barriers and rules. Its safe in there but so boring and it causes you to miss out on so much. I am afraid of heights. But I was given an opportunity to climb an old watch tower once. Parts of the walls were missing, the stairs in some places had huge dropoffs on both sides. By the time we hit the 4th floor I was going up the stairs on all fours. I was terrified. But we got to the top and it was amazing. Years later I can still feel the exhilaration. They asked me later why I went since I was so afraid. I told them it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, how could I let fear get in the way. I am still afraid of heights. But I have memories that I cherish because I didn't let my fear stop me. Darren, you are so afraid of getting hurt you refuse to live. Acknowledge your fear, accept it, but don't let it control you. 1
elaine567 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I suggest you watch Good Will Hunting, Darren.
Author Darren2013 Posted December 4, 2014 Author Posted December 4, 2014 Have you ever applied for a job you weren't that keen about? I have. Earlier in the summer I applied for Dominos Pizza just to see what happens even though I wasn't all that keen about working for them on the side. I never got any calls. That's fine. I did my part to apply and see what happens. Well it is the same with going out on 1 date with someone I'm not that keen on. I recommend all guys to go out on 1 date with a woman they are not that excited about just to see what happens. It is just 1 date. Heck she may conclude by the end of the date that she's not interested and won't accept a 2nd date. If so then having lukewarm feelings on my end becomes a moot point. I'm all for taking a see what happens mindset for getting to that 1st date of coffee. I expect to spend 14 bucks and 25-30 minutes. I like keeping the first few dates short and making sure I end the date on a high note. When she laughs at things I say then that's the perfect timing to end the date.
WhatIsLove2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 The way you think is so off that it doesn't make sense. Why would a woman get in and stay in a relationship with a guy who barely likes her? You wouldn't tell her you love her, you would keep track of her affections and "I love you" and the relationship would eventually end due to the one sided nature of it all or the relationship would never happen because in your previous post if a woman likes you too much you wouldn't want to be with her anyways. Lol You are bound to spend your life...single.
Gloria25 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 Have you ever applied for a job you weren't that keen about? I have. Earlier in the summer I applied for Dominos Pizza just to see what happens even though I wasn't all that keen about working for them on the side. I never got any calls. That's fine. I did my part to apply and see what happens. Well it is the same with going out on 1 date with someone I'm not that keen on. I recommend all guys to go out on 1 date with a woman they are not that excited about just to see what happens. It is just 1 date. Heck she may conclude by the end of the date that she's not interested and won't accept a 2nd date. If so then having lukewarm feelings on my end becomes a moot point. I'm all for taking a see what happens mindset for getting to that 1st date of coffee. I expect to spend 14 bucks and 25-30 minutes. I like keeping the first few dates short and making sure I end the date on a high note. When she laughs at things I say then that's the perfect timing to end the date. Well, I pray for this "lucky woman"...cuz, I would not like to know that the person sitting across from me was giving me a "pity" date. Look, you're not gonna be 100% into someone you barely know - much less on a 1st date with - but, really, even for a 1st date I don't see myself as wasting my time (even a mere coffee) with someone that I wasn't "keen" about. Now, when it comes to OLD, I've gotten cold feet and/or decided not to even bother with a first meet with some people and sometimes think I shouldn't have been so quick to dismiss them - but still, I don't see myself going out with someone I'm not "keen" about.
Gloria25 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 The way you think is so off that it doesn't make sense. Why would a woman get in and stay in a relationship with a guy who barely likes her? You wouldn't tell her you love her, you would keep track of her affections and "I love you" and the relationship would eventually end due to the one sided nature of it all or the relationship would never happen because in your previous post if a woman likes you too much you wouldn't want to be with her anyways. Lol You are bound to spend your life...single. Well, I think there "are" people who are with people they aren't 100% into...Some people just wanna be in a RL, they don't wanna be alone I guess. I mean look at women in abusive RLs. Do you think they enjoy getting smashed in the face? Well, they probably say "well, he doesn't do it all the time". So yea, some people just wanna "be" with "someone". I rather be alone than with someone who can barely stand me and/or is abusing me. For that, I can go to a bar, pick up a guy and get laid - cuz, IMO, if you're those kind of RLs, might as well settle for an ONS...I mean with an ONS you won't have someone taking your money and/or smashing your face in.
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