JCG Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 (edited) Hi there! I'm so happy there is a group here for support and advice! A little bit of background on my issue: I met a man online 7 months ago. We started seeing each other. We had a great connection. His schedule was very busy and we couldn't seem to physically see each other on a regular basis. (fast forward to the issues) he seemed to frequently want to complain about his ex wife and mostly about another woman who he said lives in his small town, and stated she gave him the run around and used him as a back up plan. He would randomly bitch about her and put her and her bf down. There is so much in between but I'm trying to hit on the important details. We decided, his schedule was too busy, and decided to be friends. Well, we know how that goes! He would frequently text and say how much he screwed things up with me. We gave it another shot in July. Well, he continued to dwell on this other woman and bring her up in conversation. I told him, I felt like HIS back up plan, since this other woman was no longer available. That ended that one month later! So, I wrote him a nice email saying I wished him well. In turn, I got a self righteous email with him taking no responsibility for hurting my feelings etc. Basically laying all blame on me! So, about a week later, I wrote another letter, taking responsibility for my own role in the break up, in hopes he would do the same. But NO. He didn't but wanted to remain friends. OK. I thought, whatever, but I will not be initiating contact. So, from mid August to now (3 months) he has initiated contact on a random basis. We would have small conversations via text. A bit of funny banter etc. Last Thursday, he started texting me and it continued ALL day until midnight. In my mind, I'm wondering, what is behind all of this initiating contact?! I decided, I can not continue to engage in this when it is convenient for him, and then hear silence for 2 weeks at a time! I decided to call his bluff! Put up or shut up I thought. I needed to know his intentions. SO, I asked him out on a date. I figured I'd get the truth this way! He initially said YES, but had to gather his thoughts, as I "caught him of guard". So, I said, well think about it and let me know. So the next day, I get this text: " Hi. You made a good effort, and I would feel like a heel if I said no." I thought, WHAT!?! That's how you say yes to a date??? You've been playing text message footsie with me for 3 months, and that's what I get?? It's not about the yes or no, it's how he made it sound. As if he was doing me a favour!!! So, what I really need advice about is, what his real intentions have been the past 3 months?? Any thoughts?? I'm definitely going NC. Not replying to any more texts. Any advice or insight would be appreciated Edited November 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
GirlStillStrong Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 He's not the guy. Don't waste anymore time on him. A guy who complains about exes is bad news. He is doing that for two reasons: He's holding a grudge and/or he's manipulating you to think you are "better" than she. The way he talks about his exes is the same way he will talk about you. He's blowing up your phone with text messages when he is bored or has nothing else to do. It's rude. Don't answer him anymore. He sounds toxic. 1
Author JCG Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 Yes. I know. My head tells me everything you are saying. Another thing I forgot to mention is that I had put an email tracker on my emails I sent to him over the past 3 months. He is keeping them and rereading them consistently. Probably over a dozen times. Trophies perhaps? Rereads them when he needs an ego boost? Lol
Author JCG Posted November 20, 2014 Author Posted November 20, 2014 Hi there! I just wanted to say, I love this forum and the support here is wonderful! I would like some insight from anyone on this issue. My ex and I broke up 3 months ago. We said we were going to be friends. He initiates all contact every 2 weeks and then disappears. I have sent him about 5 emails over the course of the 3 months and put an email tracker on them. He has kept them all and Rereads them on a weekly basis. Any idea as to why he is doing this? I have deleted all of his. His actions (keeping/rereading) do not match his words. Any insight?? I don't initiate any contact. It's all him. I'm going NC now and on day 7 (of course he won't know this until he initiates contact again).
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