rov Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Summary Hi everyone, last week I dated a girl I met in my university 8 years ago. Everything started because she liked a picture of me on Facebook and I decided to talk to her, we started to chat and she was very kind. So after some days I told her to meet up and we ended having dinner yesterday. I had a very good time with her and she asked me if I had a girlfriend and how many exes I had, that was very weird because no girl Ive ever dated asked that, then she told me that she broke up 6 months ago from a relationship that lasted 11 years, they broke because her boyfriend was unfaithful to her and dropped her because of another girl he met, she told me that she doesn't want a relationship with anyone now because of this. We had a good time, and at the end I texted her that I had a good time and that if she wanted to go to the movies next week, she told me that she also had a good time and told me that of course she wants to go to the movies next week with me. I waited a few days and texted her saying that I would like to see her this past week, she acted cold and distant and took like 30 minutes to answer my messages, and she was online in whatsapp all the time. Her answer was: yeah it would be a good idea to go to the movies. Then I texted her that if she was free on wednesday or thursday and she never texted me back . I don't understand why she acted like this, on thursday we had a good date and she appeared to be having a good time. I asked myself why she acted this way, so then I told her that if she was angry or something with me and she told me that she had problems in her job and with a friend, so thats why she acted that way. But she told me that it had nothing to do with me, that in fact she likes tailing with me and that she had a good time the day we went to dinner. I asked her that what day she would be free so that we could see us and she told me that the week coming we will go to the movies and for dinner for sure. The situation is: I don't know what to do, should I attempt a kiss with her? or holding hands?, I don't want to be friend zoned but I also don't want to come too strong. I was thinking in telling her that I would like to continue dating her because I want to know her more. Any tips are welcomed!!
spiderowl Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 She has said she doesn't want a relationship. She could have several reasons for this - that she's still hurting, she isn't attracted to anyone else, or she's hoping to get him back. She's been responsive but not perhaps as much as you would wish. On balance, I would think that backing off a bit and letting her take the initiative with you might be best in the short term. People look at things differently when any pressure is taken off them. Asking her out on a date is pressure if she's not sure what she wants at this stage. You could see what happens if you step back a bit and let her re-adjust.
d0nnivain Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 You are going to have win her very damaged trust to make progress. A kiss & hand holding may be too much for her just yet. Instead, break the touch barrier more gradually. Hug her hello & goodbye. Tuck her hand into the crook of your arm when you walk. After doing that for a while & monitoring her overall body language, kiss her cheek hello & goodbye, touch the small of her back, help her on & off with her coat taking care to lift her hair from the back of the collar.
Author rov Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 And well. I contacted her today and asked her if we would go to the movies this week and she said: yes. So then I asked which day she would be free and she said: well, we can see as the week goes along and set the day. So my question is: is it worth waiting a few days and contact her to set de date of our date or should I just back off and let her contact me. Maybe she is just not interested in me
d0nnivain Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 It's entirely up to you. Would you accept if she called you?
Author rov Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 What i dont understand is when i ask her out she says yes and then when i try to set the day she says that we will see in the week. This has happened two times
Author rov Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 And well at the end I told her a last time if we would me meet this week, she just texted: Hi, how are you doing and never answered my request for a date this week so I proceeded and told her thanks for everything, and hope she does well in the future and I said goodbye. She didn't even replied anything. So well, at least I won't lose my time anymore, she still seems to have a lot of emotional baggage from her 11 year old relationship. I think I saved myself from hell and from being a rebound.
Author rov Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 she finally answered and said that she feels sorry she couldn't answer before my message butshe had problems with her phone signal. She told me that she will contact me this week to go for some dinner. Lets see if its true...
Jules Dash Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 She is being nice to you and trying to let you down softly. It may have nothing to do with her breaking up from her relationship 6 months ago. Some people just have trouble pulling the band-aid off when it comes to telling someone they are not interested in them in a romantic way so they tend to string them along hoping they will get the message. She keeps giving you hints that she is not all that interested but I think you are just missing them. 1
Author rov Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 so you think, she is letting me off nicely?. but why would she still answer me and tell me that she would contact me to go out?. Im a bit confused
Jules Dash Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 so you think, she is letting me off nicely?. but why would she still answer me and tell me that she would contact me to go out?. Im a bit confused I think you are clinging to potentially positive signs and ignoring the more overwhelming negative ones. I think she has trouble letting you down becuse she probably thinks you are a good guy. Just don't be too pushy or clingy. I think she is going to get flakey on you. Just don't invest too much at this point.
Strength in Healing Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Shouldn't be so hard so early on, brother. It is supposed to be fun at first.
Author rov Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 (edited) what do you mean by she is going to get flakey on me and why ? Edited November 18, 2014 by rov
Assasda Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Stop. Stop. Stop hounding this girl, stop all contact with her. Just go to the movie with a buddy, or ask a random chick to go to the movie with you. First of all man, You seem too needy for this girl affection. Dont ask her when she's free. Say, "the movie is on____ day at ___ time, It would be great if you come along." If she cant, say "Let me know when you wanna hang out sometime" - Then you Go out and you have fun man. Dont pressure someone into doing something with you. As for kissing, why would you want to kiss someone that you dont know. - Is drinking involved? What if she's a racist?. You shouldnt be thinking about any of that at this juncture
Author rov Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 Stop. Stop. Stop hounding this girl, stop all contact with her. Just go to the movie with a buddy, or ask a random chick to go to the movie with you. First of all man, You seem too needy for this girl affection. Dont ask her when she's free. Say, "the movie is on____ day at ___ time, It would be great if you come along." If she cant, say "Let me know when you wanna hang out sometime" - Then you Go out and you have fun man. Dont pressure someone into doing something with you. As for kissing, why would you want to kiss someone that you dont know. - Is drinking involved? What if she's a racist?. You shouldnt be thinking about any of that at this juncture Do you think that if I stop all contact with her, I might have a chance?
Coe Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 In my opinion you should always kiss on a first date. 1
90s kid Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 And well. I contacted her today and asked her if we would go to the movies this week and she said: yes. So then I asked which day she would be free and she said: well, we can see as the week goes along and set the day. So my question is: is it worth waiting a few days and contact her to set de date of our date or should I just back off and let her contact me. Maybe she is just not interested in me Stop contacting her and move on. The girl is obviously having a hard time letting you down and is using the whole "well, we'll see..." in hopes that you'll get the hint. If a girl is really interested in you, she will have no problem returning your texts in a timely manner and setting a date/time for your next date. When you start getting the run around, that's a clue that she's not that into. Plus, she told you point blank that she doesn't want a relationship. You've already contacted her multiple times. Now the ball is in her court and she will contact you if she wants to see you again.
Assasda Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Do you think that if I stop all contact with her, I might have a chance? See your thinking is still backwards. Youre asking if you might have a chance like she is some prize that you are trying to get. You have her high on the pedestal already. - Which is probably one of the reasons shes she's staying away from you
Recommended Posts