Haerts Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 Okay guys, so here's the thing. Earlier this year, by March or so, I met this guy who was incredibly like me. We were seeing each other for about 3 weeks, but I was looking for something more serious and he said he just wanted to hook up (he was just out a relationship), so he thought it would be better if we stopped seeing each other, since I was getting involved and all. It took me over 3 months to finally get over him, but I did, and now I'm completely over - there's absolutely no chance I would like to date him again and I'm 100% sure of that. He's my type, very handsome in my eyes... but no. We have SO much in common though, so many similar tastes, that we could go HOURS talking without the conversation dying and he's also a very good communicator. When we use to date, we use to go anywhere and we always both had fun. Our taste in music is very close, my favorite band is his favorite band, what only made it even more awesome! We also have a lot of interests in common. Since we "broke up", we have talked to each other a few times, including on my birthday, that he said something along the lines of (via Facebook, he actually published on my timeline): "I wish you the best birthday ever! You're an awesome girl, very clever and pretty too, I'll always hope the best for you". A few days ago, I listened to a song that I liked a lot and it immediatly reminded me of him, because it's exactly the type of song he likes. I couldn't help myself and I sent it to him; he loved it! Then we started to talk and the conversations were actually flowing very well, but at some point it stopped and I didn't want to keep it going. Today he sent me a song, from an artist we were talking about the other day and then we talked again. So what's the issue here? I'm afraid he may think that I'm looking for a flashback, but I'm not, for real. I really just want to be friends with him. I'm not saying that because I'm expecting he wants me back, but rather that he may think that I'm trying to get back with him again, which is not the case. This could maybe drive him away? I don't know! I'm not sure what to do. I like that we're having conversations again, but that's really all I want: his friendship, because we have a lot in common and we could make great friends for sure. I really don't know what to do. I just wish I could find a way to tell him I just want to be friends, maybe he would have the same interest and it would all be okay, but how can I do that without asking? Or if I'm asking, how to do that not being too obvious? Has anyone ever dealed with something like this before? I'd like some tips!
Tayken Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 Why would you, especially if you've touched the 3rd base? I mean what else is there that you need if you've both decided to call it quits, and they are going to be seeing someone else. Close that door and move down the corridor.
eye of the storm Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 If he is initiating contact and you two are talking about topics you both enjoy...don't over think it. If he thought you were angling for more and he was not into that he would not continue to return or initiate contact. Relax and enjoy your friendship.
elaine567 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I feel you are once bitten twice shy and you are scared that you are going to fall for him again and he is going to again reject you. He may or may not, but if you are indeed happy to be friends then just be friends, no need to rock the boat or cause either of you embarrassment. Finding people we really connect with can be hard, so just be grateful you get on so well and see where it goes.
d0nnivain Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Even though you only dated for a short time, it's not easy or a good idea to try to be friends with somebody in that short time frame. Wait a few years. 1
Author Haerts Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 Why would you, especially if you've touched the 3rd base? I mean what else is there that you need if you've both decided to call it quits, and they are going to be seeing someone else. Close that door and move down the corridor. Even though you only dated for a short time, it's not easy or a good idea to try to be friends with somebody in that short time frame. Wait a few years. I've done this before and it actually worked. I met someone who I was going out with for about a month, but we decided to "break up". Meanwhile, hanging out with their friends whenever I was with him (which included all sorts of people; gay, straight, male, female... his group of friends was pretty large), I got close to them and they liked me too, so his friends became my friends too. We became friends and now he's one of my best friends. I was once involved with him as well, but we had different expectations (just like this time) and we thought it was better to stop dating, but we became great friends and guess what, that was right after we "broke up". Like really, I'm completely over him and sorry if what I'm gonna say will sound rude, not my intention, but even if I wasn't over, that isn't what I'm looking for help here. What I'm looking for is some advice so I can find out he knows I'm only looking forward being friends. If that's not his case and he would try again, then too bad, I don't want at all. I feel you are once bitten twice shy and you are scared that you are going to fall for him again and he is going to again reject you. He may or may not, but if you are indeed happy to be friends then just be friends, no need to rock the boat or cause either of you embarrassment. Finding people we really connect with can be hard, so just be grateful you get on so well and see where it goes. No, I'm not falling for him, that's for sure. Once I'm over someone, I'm over. I like your advice to just let it happen though, it's just that I'm always looking for clarification regarding everything, so if I was sure he wants to be my friend and just that, I'd be really happy! If he is initiating contact and you two are talking about topics you both enjoy...don't over think it. If he thought you were angling for more and he was not into that he would not continue to return or initiate contact. Relax and enjoy your friendship. That's true! He was the one who thought it was better if we stopped seeing each other, so I really don't expect him to be into me again, I just don't want him to think that I am still into him, 'cause I'm not. But it's so hard to find someone who you have SO MUCH in common that I would love to be his friend. Let's just see how it goes... Thanks everyone for replying!
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