Drspell12 Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 even if it was a past action and you're no longer with them... Would you take that chance or just let it go?
tikay00 Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 Let it go. I've already been 13 days NC, and it feels much better. What does that info do for me, really?
Chatmonkey Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 If it's in the past I don't really think it would serve you any good knowing tbh
GirlStillStrong Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Let it go. What's done is done. I keep my focus on the right now and where I want to go. Anything from the past just distracts you and something like this will wear you down. No thanks.
Niko 2021 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 If you want to know like how it feels to be cheated on, read my thread. It happened a month ago. Then you can ask yourself if you'd really want to know.
loversquarrel Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 If I was having a difficult time moving forward I would want to know. I have been able to walk away from a cheater in my past and while it didn't feel good I can honestly say I was so angry it gave me a boost to walk away for good. 5
Author Drspell12 Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 That's what I was having on mind. Thanks.
Rainah Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 If you believe it will help to give you closure, it all depends on the circumstances, if it was something that happened before your relationship then why would wanting to know if they cheated mean anything to you but if it happened while you were together and like I said you believe it will give you closure then why not feed your curiosity, although you may find yourself more hurt than ever which is why it is often best to let it be.
bubbaganoosh Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 All that does is bring up the "coulda, woulda, shoulda, thing that you don't really need, aren't important now and basically, can't do anything about since it's history. 1
Feelbettersoon Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I only found out 2 wks ago, 3 months post BU. I thought the break up was due to me, and external stresses. No he was interested in her, his new girlfriend. I wish I didn't find out because i now feel like the relationship was a big fat joke to him, it's quite sickening!
Author Drspell12 Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 Any other thing/reasoning is acceptable for me in terms of "I could have done better so this didn't happened...." But, as far as the cheating part... Hell no. Cheaters are that way because they want. They can't put that responsibility in someone else. Never.At least that's how I see it.
loversquarrel Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I firmly believe that closure is absolutely more attainable if you have knowledge that your partner had been cheating on you. This is especially true if one has the ability to understand that a cheater is the one with the problem. 2
purplesoccer34 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 (edited) I got out of my last relationship a little over a year ago. If I was asked this question closer to that time, I would've said yes. I know I would've been at least curious. But as of right now, nah. It's been so long, it really doesn't bother me and I don't think it would hurt me now much even if he did cheat back then. Of course I would view him very differently (because my ex was pretty honest and I don't see him as a cheater at all), but that's about it. All depends on the circumstance. I would get over someone rather quickly if I found out they were a cheater. Edited November 16, 2014 by purplesoccer34 1
Author Drspell12 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 At this point I would honestly not feel hurt if I find out it was true (that she cheated on me). I would feel... Relieved.
Elfend Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 I had the same situation. I had this feeling she cheated since the first day of break up but I didn't have the courage to ask her or to know. I was already bleeding badly and I fear that the truth may drive me to suicide. After 3 weeks, I decided to meet her and ask if she had anything to confess to me. I was determined that this would bring closure to me. However she swore that she didn't cheat on me. I can't really say I am convinced. But at the end I feel much better now after having that conversation to her. At this point I don't really care if she cheated or not. But I think I came to a closure knowing there is no hope for reconciliation. This desperate 'hope' was leading me on endlessly. Now that I see it that way, I know what I need to do. I went home. Deleted and untagged all the pictures of me and her in Facebook (I didn't block her. In case she of any emergencies I can still help her out because I do care for her). Packed all the stuff she gave me into a box and keep it in a dark corner.
Author Drspell12 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 Why is that you had the feeling that she cheated on you?
Elfend Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 I saw some emails she sent to this guy after we broke up (within 3 weeks). Thinking back on the whole thing, this guy got awfully close to her and went on trips with her during the last 2 months of our relationship. At that time I was blinded by trust and just thought of them being friends. But after we broke up, I am quite sure that she had feelings for him thus diminishing any feelings she had for me. I am not sure if it was physical before we broke up. But I am sure at least she emotionally betrayed me.
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