DirtyHairy Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 (edited) Okay so I'm kind of in a strange situation. I've been hanging out with this girl I know and we hang out quite a bit. Just the two of us. We hang out for hours at a time and talk and just hang out and its all really comfortable. She texts me all the time and I do the same. We talk a lot when we see each other and we make plans to hang out and have dinner, or go for coffee and things like that. I'm really unsure if she likes me that way tho. She clearly feels really comfortable around me and we can talk for hours and there is never more than 5 seconds of silence. She's super sweet and we make each other laugh and we have a lot in common its actually pretty great! I just don't know how to make a move on her. I want to kiss her after we go out on our little "dates". I feel like she feels the same tho because of the attention that she shows towards me. Should I just tell her something like " hey I have really been enjoying hanging out with you, and it was never my intention but I really like you and hope to take you on a real date sometime. If not don't worry I still like hanging out with you" Something like that? I don't think it would be uncomfortable for me if she says no because hanging out with her is really easy and I am not just going to stop hanging out with her because she doesn't want to date me. Thoughts? I'm just not good at reading signals but when a girl wants to hang out and we end up hanging out drinking coffee and chatting for 2 or 3 hours and laugh and stuff its not something I normally see as just "hanging out". Should I go for the kiss one time? Edited November 15, 2014 by DirtyHairy
Author DirtyHairy Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 Nobody has any advice on this one? Geuss I'll just continue to hang out with her and then just tell her how I feel. I'm a little giddy about it and nervous and I just really like spending time with her and want to try to have a real relationship with her
the_entertainer1 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I've been friends with a guy in a similar type of friendship. We nearly kissed once, a number of years ago, but were interrupted. Since then, we've never mentioned it. Things were comfortable. I liked him, but was scared he didn't like me. I'm not sure if he liked me, but I think he did. Neither of us said/did anything. He got a girlfriend (who I think is all wrong for him) and I haven't seen him for 6 months. I like your idea of broaching the subject with her. It's non-confrontational and gives her an "out" if she doesn't feel the same way. Good luck!
preraph Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Next time you're walking into wherever you're going, open the door and put your hand on her back. Start doing little gentlemanly touch things like that. If it's cold, put your arm around her shoulder and rub her arm and just see if she pulls away and acts weird of likes it. 1
Tik Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Nobody has any advice on this one? Geuss I'll just continue to hang out with her and then just tell her how I feel. I'm a little giddy about it and nervous and I just really like spending time with her and want to try to have a real relationship with her Oh no no no no no DON'T tell her how you feel or you're on a one way street to 'I don't see you that way'. Listen to Preraph in that you have to do it by showing her. Let your actions speak louder than words. Gentlemanly things coupled with flirting and teasing and physical touch are powerful movers. From that you gage how she feels about you by her behavior and let her do the decision making. There will always come a moment when you both decide whether to cross the friendship boundary - that moment - you have to seize i.e. kiss her or do things that friends don't do. Until then you have to chip away at her as while beginning as friends is a beautiful notion, it is a titanium wall one chips at.
Anderlie Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 I may be an anomaly but as a woman if a guy I thought was a friend (ie I didn't realise he had romantic feelings and I treated him as such) starting touching me in an overly personal manner with no context I would find it quite off putting and invasive. From my personal files the one guy friend I had who did have feelings for me told me directly and while I didn't return those feelings we had an awesome conversation about it and got past the awkwardness that very afternoon, we're still great friends 8 years later. It might support the theory that telling leads to rejection but I can guarantee you he would have got a rejection either way. by manning up and talking to me at least he won my respect as a friend. 1
CC12 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Should I just tell her something like " hey I have really been enjoying hanging out with you, and it was never my intention but I really like you and hope to take you on a real date sometime. If not don't worry I still like hanging out with you" I would omit the crossed out sections above. No need to declare your feelings for her. If she says no to the date, it will be easier to continue a normal friendship if she doesn't know the extent of your feelings. And personally, I don't love it when people ask something and then say, "It's okay if you say no..." Have some confidence! Don't reject yourself before she even has a chance to. You can use the "don't worry, I still like hanging out with you" line if she says no. Should I go for the kiss one time? Ask her out first. Get some indication from her that she might be open to that, don't just try to plant one on her out of the blue. Hope it works out!
hildagnome Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 This could be written about me and a friend. Exactly the same situation / communications. I texted him all the time because I liked him and was hoping he would make a move. He never did, so I figured he wasn't into me and moved on. I was never sure if he liked me, now that I've moved on I get these sad little text messages from him telling me about his life. I'm guessing he was into me, but was too beta male to make a move and is now wondering if there is a way back. There isn't. Once a girl has moved on chances are she's really moved on. My advice would be to go for it. I think there is some wisdom in the other responses, start acting like a boyfriend but not in creepy way. No over touching or anything. Buying the dinner, gentle touch on the arm. That'll make her start thinking of you in a different light - if she doesn't already. But all these little moves won't get the job done. You need to bite the bullet and tell her how you feel after a couple of weeks of the 'boyfriend' behaviour. But don't expect an answer immediately and in fact tell her she has all the time to answer. The key is to give her time to think about it. Put her on the spot and she might freak out and say no. Look at it this way, chances are eventually your friendship will fizzle out anyway so you've got nothing to lose. Good luck! 1
Mrin Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Nothing says "I like your more than a friend" than roofies. Holycrap I going to Hell for that remark! Ok what others have said - you can't talk your way through this. You have to understand - women view friendships like assets. Like they actually think about how valuable or how unique a friendship is. Crazy no? So if you try to talk youe way through this she is going to hear: ok I want to take this really valuable and special think we've developed and risk it all on a romantic relationship (and her last three relationships have been measured in days). Logically this is a oh Hell no situation. So to do this you need to have her feel her way through this. You need to seduce her. Or atleast have this move in an emotional path rather than a cerebral way.
Author DirtyHairy Posted November 17, 2014 Author Posted November 17, 2014 Lots of good responses thanks everyone! My friends are split when I ask them some say just kiss her and other say don't but instead tell her how I feel. I geuss I have to just do what feels natural. I just wish there was a way to make an opportunity to kiss her. I just don't seem to be able to tell when is a good idea to do it? Any ideas on how I could close the gap a bit? I've just not the best at reading the ques but what's a way to get her to come close to me or me to her so I can go for the kiss?
Jules Dash Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 In my world there is only one way to handle this. You kiss her. The next time you hang out with her, at the end of the night when you say your good nights, just go in for a deep kiss. You just have to put it out there. Don't peck her on the lips, don't ask for one and don't announce it. Just kiss her like she is already yours.
sagetalk Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Geuss I'll just continue to hang out with her and then just tell her how I feel. r Do this and you will fail epically. Ask her out on a date, but do not tell her how you feel. Let her tell you first.
IronZ Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 And personally, I don't love it when people ask something and then say, "It's okay if you say no..." Have some confidence! Don't reject yourself before she even has a chance to. You can use the "don't worry, I still like hanging out with you" line if she says no. I agree with this statement. I know some people feel like giving an "out" is a good idea, but to me it just makes the guy look weak. Confidence is very sexy and if he wants to win the girl he has to make himself look confident. Up until now they've been great friends, and because there's been nothing sexual about it he's been able to be totally himself around her. I would guess that someone's fear in dating a good friend is that they're worried it might change them. They've gotten to know this friend one way, and now they're going to see a different side of them. That total confident relaxation that he showed her for years would all of a sudden disappear the second he mentions it's ok for her to say no. The awkwardness won't come about if she rejects him and he tells her after that they can continue to be friends. There's no need to pre-plan the exit strategy there. If anything, it subliminally puts the idea of rejecting him into her head and gives her an instant way out. He should want her to really think about it before deciding. If she doesn't see him as anything more, she should come to that conclusion herself.
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