True Gent Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 I've emailed her whilst drunk. Saying how broken I am. Jesus I've messed up, I'm back from s night out and yes I'm drunk. I really have hit the bottom. I have lost the person I was going marry. Almost a decade together and now I'm alone. I hate it, I'm bitter jaded and drunk. For gods sake what did I do to deserve this? 12 months on im going back not forward
lemonsugar Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 I've emailed her whilst drunk. Saying how broken I am. Jesus I've messed up, I'm back from s night out and yes I'm drunk. I really have hit the bottom. I have lost the person I was going marry. Almost a decade together and now I'm alone. I hate it, I'm bitter jaded and drunk. For gods sake what did I do to deserve this? 12 months on im going back not forward Can you not delete her email address etc just chalk it up to being drunk? Alcohol makes things seem worse. Did you split with her?
Author True Gent Posted November 15, 2014 Author Posted November 15, 2014 Can you not delete her email address etc just chalk it up to being drunk? Alcohol makes things seem worse. Did you split with her? No she left me for someone else GIGS. 12 months later despite trying I'm still suffering and no doubt tomorrow I am going to swriously regret all of this. Yes I'm drunk and it is highlighting to me how much I'm just not ok with it.
lemonsugar Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 Don't beat your self up too much it happens. Have you thought about councilling it may help 1
Author True Gent Posted November 15, 2014 Author Posted November 15, 2014 Don't beat your self up too much it happens. Have you thought about councilling it may help At this rate I may need to consider it.
lemonsugar Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 At this rate I may need to consider it. It's nothing to be ashamed about. Just may give you the chance to talk to through and gain acceptance. Have you deleted all her contact details?!? So when you're drunk you don't decide to text email call her chin up 2
Author True Gent Posted November 15, 2014 Author Posted November 15, 2014 It's nothing to be ashamed about. Just may give you the chance to talk to through and gain acceptance. Have you deleted all her contact details?!? So when you're drunk you don't decide to text email call her chin up The thing is after such a long time togehter deleting her detail s doesn't really make any difference. I know it all off by heart, even when drunk I know her number and email details. I do not usually get this drunk, but with the Xmas hols approaching and the feelings of being well and truly pissed upon after 9 years together it really isn't somehting that is going away over night.
lemonsugar Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 The thing is after such a long time togehter deleting her detail s doesn't really make any difference. I know it all off by heart, even when drunk I know her number and email details. I do not usually get this drunk, but with the Xmas hols approaching and the feelings of being well and truly pissed upon after 9 years together it really isn't somehting that is going away over night. Can you give someone your phone? Honestly it will get better if you try and go NC. I know it's Xmas and if your London based its drink drink drink equals happiness then sadness just take it a day at a time
ralfgarnett Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 God bless you mate I feel your pain big time, thinking of you do your best to get through another day I am the same.
JDPT Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 Don't beat yourself up over it. We have all broken NC at one point during our recovery, it happens to the best of us. However, learn from this lesson and know that absolutely nothing good comes out of breaking NC, trust me I learned the hard way. Continue on with your journey and reach out to people when you have the urge to break it, because you will have the urge again. We are all here for you and take it one day at a time. 2
Author True Gent Posted November 15, 2014 Author Posted November 15, 2014 Thanks guys, I feel like an idiot. I've done so well, yet the last few weeks I'm just going backwards in every sence of 'moving on'. I'm just not where I want to be in this process. I've given her an ego boost now and no doubt something to laugh at. Jesus man, I never want to go through this ever again in my life.
DenverDude Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 I am so sorry for the pain you are still dealing with. Don't beat yourself up over this though. She still holds a very special place in your heart which is why you cracked. I would hope that she wouldn't be laughing at the email you wrote her. If so, than she is evil. Nobody said that NC is easy. I wish you the best. 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 When u wake up from your post drink slumber & have those "what have I done" pangs then just remember that we have all done it! U had a couple too many & got emotional... You are only human!! It's done, don't beat yourself up atleast u have a heart xx 2
IfiKnewThen Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 hi . first off ((hugs)) dont worry. this managing thru heart pain and feeling hopeless is so damn hard. i swear i wouldnt wish this on anyone. 1) what did u say exactly or ...kinda 2) did u get a response i feel she might actually respond to u eventually on it..or somehow. i dont know how a woman can ignore that pain unless shes a creep. and if so..please be sure to remember THAT about her. well if you didnt say too much about her and u guys have been apart a long time....you can tell her you text her by accident and was pining over a new break up and see what she says to that otherwise....let her feel like..wow i really lost a guy who loved me. she may never be loved quite like that again./ i dont care if she with another. doesnt mean hes gonna love her like u did. 1
Author True Gent Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 Thanks a lot all for your understanding words It is a help, I have slept it off and I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm a human with emotional scars left by a person who meant so much to me, it's not going to go away anytime in a hurry. I don't love her anymore and I wouldn't get back together, so why I decided to email her about feeling broken and showing her I'm not ok with what she did is something that only my intoxicated mind will know The email was brief and didn't make proper sence as I used words which don't exist in my drunken state lol! It basically said "12 months on and I'm still not over it, I'm sitting here off my face. Does he really fill my shoes? I doubt it" Then I said "I feel so broken" the rest is total rubish which makes no sence they weren't even words. I was obviously at the peak of my drunken state when I wrote it. I've had a responce which says "Are you ok?" I have not responded to that yet. It's still early am here, so she'll probably think I'm sleeping it off anyway. I'm a bit peeved I've shown vulnerability at this stage after the breakup, but hey ho! I'm only human:o
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Atleast she replied! lol x Well u could use that opportunity to back peddle a bit & just put back "fine! Too many beers. All good now." Or just ignore it.. The things we do eh! x
Author True Gent Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 Atleast she replied! lol x Well u could use that opportunity to back peddle a bit & just put back "fine! Too many beers. All good now." Or just ignore it.. The things we do eh! x Yeah the things we do! Sometimes I wish there was a fast forward button on the recovery process. 3
IfiKnewThen Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 well glad she wrote back. bet shes thinking about you now. i will say that much. and not in a bad way.,,
Author True Gent Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 well glad she wrote back. bet shes thinking about you now. i will say that much. and not in a bad way.,, To be honest I thought she'd reply. In my drunken state that's probably why I sent the message, to prove I meant something once. She's messaged again saying how sorry she is and how guilty she feels on a daily basis. She says she still speaks highly of me and the thing that spoils her memories of our time together is what she did at the end. The guilt hurts her badly apparently and she will have to live with that forever. She thinks splitting up was right, (as do I). It wasn't working anymore, but she acknowledges the pain she caused. She understands that I can't forgive her and she truly wishes me the best and hopes I'll be able to trust again and find happiness. I guess it's good to know she realises what she did, I know lots of people would wish for that from their ex. Maybe I can use this to help me avoid feeling so jaded. That is my biggest problem at the moment, maybe I could forgive her someday in the future. The resentment is only hurting myself. I will never forget though.
lemonsugar Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 To be honest I thought she'd reply. In my drunken state that's probably why I sent the message, to prove I meant something once. She's messaged again saying how sorry she is and how guilty she feels on a daily basis. She says she still speaks highly of me and the thing that spoils her memories of our time together is what she did at the end. The guilt hurts her badly apparently and she will have to live with that forever. She thinks splitting up was right, (as do I). It wasn't working anymore, but she acknowledges the pain she caused. She understands that I can't forgive her and she truly wishes me the best and hopes I'll be able to trust again and find happiness. I guess it's good to know she realises what she did, I know lots of people would wish for that from their ex. Maybe I can use this to help me avoid feeling so jaded. That is my biggest problem at the moment, maybe I could forgive her someday in the future. The resentment is only hurting myself. I will never forget though. Maybe that is the closure you needed to move on from her. You will find the right person for you and when you do all of this will seem a distant memory 2
Author True Gent Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 Maybe that is the closure you needed to move on from her. You will find the right person for you and when you do all of this will seem a distant memory Perhaps you are right. I suppose what she has said means that it wasn't all a lie. I actually think I still hold a place in her heart to some extent, she at least cares so I can take some comfort in knowing I actually was important to her and I'm thought of in high regard. I can't really ask for more than that. I just need to allow myself more time.
IfiKnewThen Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 ((((((( hugs))))))))) i still think she will regret it someday. i know she does already with guilt. but i mean with love and admiration. i bet she will someday in the meantime all you can do is take hold of God. ask him to please help deliver you for this pain and to get you to where you need to be again and to feel love for another woman. amen 2
lemonsugar Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Perhaps you are right. I suppose what she has said means that it wasn't all a lie. I actually think I still hold a place in her heart to some extent, she at least cares so I can take some comfort in knowing I actually was important to her and I'm thought of in high regard. I can't really ask for more than that. I just need to allow myself more time. Dont beat yourself up what will be will be. Sometimes life leads you to a different place than you were planning. Just try and move through cry be angry let the feelings surface 1
Author True Gent Posted November 16, 2014 Author Posted November 16, 2014 Thanks for your kind words everyone. I think she may regret it one day in the very distant future. At least she thinks well of me after almost a decade together I can be proud of that. What will be will be, maybe there is a bigger plan for me. I think what's she's had to say to me may help me to feel open to love again instead of being so bitter. My ex really isn't a bitch from hell, I have better taste than that and I think I did actually know her like I thought I did. She wished me well and I have decided to wish her the same and mean it because that will be real closure for myself. Then I can get back to NC and just let nature take it's course.
lemonsugar Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 Thanks for your kind words everyone. I think she may regret it one day in the very distant future. At least she thinks well of me after almost a decade together I can be proud of that. What will be will be, maybe there is a bigger plan for me. I think what's she's had to say to me may help me to feel open to love again instead of being so bitter. My ex really isn't a bitch from hell, I have better taste than that and I think I did actually know her like I thought I did. She wished me well and I have decided to wish her the same and mean it because that will be real closure for myself. Then I can get back to NC and just let nature take it's course. A they say rome wasnt built in a day. One day 16/17 and it hurts but i feel better for it than i did 16 days ago
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