Jimmyjackson Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 I was dumped about 2 and a half months ago by my first girlfriend, the first girl I had slept with. In this last month I have felt a lot better and I feel I'm pretty much coming to terms with her never coming back to me. The problem I have though, and I don't want to sound judgmental, is that I'm finding it hard to be optimistic about new partners. I live in a small town of about 100 thousand people and a lot of the girls here seem to sleep around, everyone knows who's been with who etc - it's that type of town. The girl who dumped me wasn't that type of girl and I'm worried I won't find anyone with similar values. It might sound strange coming from a guy but I'm not really interested in sleeping around myself, I enjoy dating people. Has anyone else had this problem? maybe it's just because I was rejected and my confidence is still shaken. Maybe I'm judging others unfairly too, I don't know. I just feel it is hard to find a 'good girl' and worry I won't find another, especially not in my town anyway.
d0nnivain Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 It's a common but unrealistic fear. Everybody who is happily married was dumped at least once in their lives before they married their partner. Let me tell you a story about a dear friend of mine who happens to be a mental health professional. I tell you that so you understand this irrational fear plagues everyone. We were in our late 20s early 30s. She just ended a relationship so another friend & I took her out to dinner the Saturday after Thanksgiving. She was lamenting that she was never going to get another date. We rolled our eyes & listened to her whine. We knew she had to get it out. We talked her down from never going to get another date to not get another date that year. It was already late November so basically we're talking about 5-6 weeks which was realistic. After dinner we're sitting at the bar, the bartender places our drinks in front of us & says there are on X. We were like that's nice, who's X? The bartender was floored. X owned the place & he was shocked we didn't know. Anyway, about an hour later X asks my friend on a date. I actually laughed in her face that during dinner she had been crying that she'd never get another date. It probably won't happen that fast for you, but you will get another date. While the small % of people you know in your town of 100,000 may not be to your liking, there is always the town over & the local's out of town relatives & friends. FWIW, I grew up in a town of 10,000 & live in a town even smaller than that. I certainly don't claim to know everyone in town. Your population is 10x mine & I did OK.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted November 15, 2014 Author Posted November 15, 2014 It's a common but unrealistic fear. Everybody who is happily married was dumped at least once in their lives before they married their partner. Let me tell you a story about a dear friend of mine who happens to be a mental health professional. I tell you that so you understand this irrational fear plagues everyone. We were in our late 20s early 30s. She just ended a relationship so another friend & I took her out to dinner the Saturday after Thanksgiving. She was lamenting that she was never going to get another date. We rolled our eyes & listened to her whine. We knew she had to get it out. We talked her down from never going to get another date to not get another date that year. It was already late November so basically we're talking about 5-6 weeks which was realistic. After dinner we're sitting at the bar, the bartender places our drinks in front of us & says there are on X. We were like that's nice, who's X? The bartender was floored. X owned the place & he was shocked we didn't know. Anyway, about an hour later X asks my friend on a date. I actually laughed in her face that during dinner she had been crying that she'd never get another date. It probably won't happen that fast for you, but you will get another date. While the small % of people you know in your town of 100,000 may not be to your liking, there is always the town over & the local's out of town relatives & friends. FWIW, I grew up in a town of 10,000 & live in a town even smaller than that. I certainly don't claim to know everyone in town. Your population is 10x mine & I did OK. Thanks for the reply, I guess things happen when you least expect them, right? I know my first relationship came out of the blue anyway. I know I need to recognise my own value and realise that there's a whole load of girls out there who would be interested in me. Only being in one relationship is probably giving me tunnel vision. 1
ronald89 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 l have the same fear. my ex dumped me basically because she thinks I am not good enough. That really shattered my confidence. I have always been introvert and do not have a big social circle. me meeting my ex is just chance encounter and i really fear i will not meet someone again.
d0nnivain Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 l have the same fear. my ex dumped me basically because she thinks I am not good enough. That really shattered my confidence. I have always been introvert and do not have a big social circle. me meeting my ex is just chance encounter and i really fear i will not meet someone again. Your fate then is in your own hands but you have to do something scary to fix things: you have to put yourself out there & widen your own social circle. Find something you like & go out & do it. Once you get involved you will meet new people & thereby increase your potential dating pool. 1
BC1980 Posted November 16, 2014 Posted November 16, 2014 It's a common but unrealistic fear. Exactly. All of us have felt that we would never find anyone else. That is probably the most common fear after a relationship ends. But think about how unrealistic it is? You probably aren't going to meet someone tomorrow or even next year. We don't know. But it's unrealistic to think you will live the rest of your life without ever finding love again, especially when there are so many ways to meet people these days. 2
love2ride Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 I definitely feel that way. I turned 39 this year and worried that i'm to old to get a decent women and start a family. I have no kids and my ex had two. She was 33 and I found her very attractive. I tried all the dating sites a couple of days ago and find all the women just disgusting so I closed all my accounts just discouraged. I know my ex is on at least Tinder because I've seen her and I know she is dating. I tried one date and just had no feelings and it made me sad and depressed and miss my ex more. I dunno how women move on so fast. We've only been broken up a couple months and apparently I was her soulmate. 1
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