MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 I'm breaking up with my bf tonight. It's been six months (he was OM). For those of you who are not familiar with my situation, I am separated (2 months) after 13 yrs of marriage. Please don't judge me on the cheating. I can come up with several reasons that may or not be reason enough to break off a love relationship, but what it comes down to, I've realized, is that I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now. That is what I'm going to tell him when he comes over tonight (he thinks he is spending the night). He works alot and doesn't have time for me, and has asked me to be patient, and I don't like how I react to this nor do I like the emotions that come over me. Coming out of my marriage, I needed alot of attention which is why I had the A with him (marriage was already over). The sex has been the most enjoyable I've ever had. He makes me feel beautiful and loved and wanted. But he's not around much, and I'm an emotional mess. Maybe it's that rollercoaster catching up with me. I thought I could outrun it but I guess I couldn't. He called me at work this a.m. and sounded like he hasn't a clue what is in store. He knows we are going to talk though. He's going on the road with his job for the next few months, and I won't see much of him anyways. I feel hypocritical telling him "it's not him" but then also saying that I want to live my life now, and not put it on hold for him or anyone. If I wanted to sit at home with my thumb in my bum, I would have stayed with the Ex. I want to go out and do things, and yes, maybe even date other guys! So, if I had to ask a question here, although just looking for support mostly, what should I or shouldn't I tell him and how much detail and well I dont know what to expect - this is new to me. I haven't had to dump a guy since high school and that was after only a couple weeks of dating.
Mz. Pixie Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 Hi there- I've been following some of your posts. His behavior has been insensitive but, in reality, he probably didn't have much time for you before. You just didn't notice it because you were married and didn't have much time for him. If you feel you need to break free from him and explore other guys then that's what you should do. I would think that a simple, "I don't want to be tied down right now after just leaving a long marriage" would do it. Perhaps you may want to investigate whether or not you're co dependent? Because it seems like you need alot of attention? Just a thought.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 16, 2005 Author Posted March 16, 2005 YES!!! I need alot of attention. And I need to work out this issue by being by myself for a while. I love the attention of many men - maybe a self-esteem issue from childhood. I have great friends who tell me I'm a good catch and not to sell myself short and are willing to set me up if I want. I'll probably still end up at home with my thumb in my bum, but I won't have to feel guilty if I go online and chat with some stranger just to get my fill of attention for the evening. I'll tell him I have some issues I need to be alone to work out. He told me the other day that I was very important to him, but I told him back that his lack of attention made me 'feel' unimportant. Also, I was married and had a hubby to push around and walk all over for 13 years. He's been on his own for the last 3 years and hasn't had to answer to anybody. That's a big difference to find middle ground on this early.
Lil Honey Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 MWC: I really don't have much advice for you. (BTW, I have not read any of your other posts, so forgive me.) I'd like to point out a couple things that you said in your post. You said that you realized that you aren't ready for a relationship. Ask your self if you realize that when you break off this relationship, you may not have another one for a long time. He isn't around for you much, and that sounds like it bothers you, yet once you break up, you may find yourself alone even more. (Of course, the fear of being alone is not a reason to stay in a relationship.) What should/shouldn't you tell him? You shouldn't tell him a lie. You should be honest with him. How much detail should you tell him? What details are there? You don't want to be with him and I'm sure that's all he will need to hear.
Lil Honey Posted March 16, 2005 Posted March 16, 2005 I just read your second post (it came in as I was typing mine). Disregard everything I said . . .
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 16, 2005 Author Posted March 16, 2005 It's not that I don't want to be with him, it's that he's not around for me to be with. He can't fulfill my needs because he's not around. We are too different. Our lives are to different. If it were ten years from now, maybe it would have worked as we would be nearer to retirement and my kids would be grown. Yes, I realize I may end up alone for a long time, but I have other friends, male and female, I can hang with and I honestly don't believe I would have any problem getting a date. So I ask myself now, what's the difference if I'm home alone with him or without him in my life? I don't have the answer to that. But my freaking out and emotional outbursts tell me I should take a break.
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