My story... Tell me what you think... I am very depressed

[cram3131]

I started dating my ex when I was 21 years old and she was 24. She is the one who asked me out and I was lonely so I said yes but I knew that I wasnt really that physically attracted to her. We went out and started seeing each other pretty regularly and she was the first to initiate the first kiss and even sex as I feel now I was unsure about what I felt about her and was pretty new to the dating scene but having someone care and love me felt so good. I also remember after about 3 months of dating we were having sex and she said she loved me and I really didnt know what to say but I said it back to her. We continued our relationship for 4 years and she told me she wanted me to move in with her and I did. About six months after I moved in she wanted to break up stating that we werent on the same page and I didnt fit well into her life. She has a regular 9-5 job and she is also the head coach of a high school activity which took up many additional hours on weekdays and a lot of weekends ( she is a workaholic). I later found out that she was interested in another guy and was texting and talking with him during our relationship. We broke up and I moved back to my parents house and I was heart broken as I loved her and felt so comfortable with her and our relationship. I fought to get her back and I confided in her that I had an condition called hyperhidrosis where I sweat much more than the regular person and that is why I have social anxiety and was uncomfortable at social gatherings with her. I went to the dermatologist and they gave me some meds that really helped my condition and I told her this. She eventually took me back and we started dating again and then she told me that she wanted me to move back in with her, which I reluctantly did. It took me some getting used to again but we get along great and are able to live together well and we even got two cats. This was one of the best decisions I have ever made was moving in with her. After living together for about two years she told me that she really wanted to get married which scared me as our communication was going downhill fast and she can be very pushy and even manipulative to get what she wants. At this point I was pretty unsure what to do and I was drinking heavily and she told me that she has an eating disorder. I decided to take a chance and I bought the ring but was having a tough time figuring out how to ask her a romantic way. She knew I had the ring for a few months and it was really bothering her and she was hounding me about why I wasnt asking her. I asked her dad for her hand in marriage and told him I was going to ask her to marry me when we went away for vacation in december and he was very happy. I knew that I couldnt wait any longer and I finally thought of an awesome way to ask her to marry me which was I put a collar and tag on my cat with the ring that said "Marry me?". I thought that this was perfect as we both cared for the cats a ton! I was pretty excited and I think she was very excited. This is when things started to get hard for us as a couple. A couple days after we got engaged she tells me that she wants to get married in three months. I told her that we should have some time to enjoy our engagment and hold off for a while. She knows I have a hard time with change so I told her that I needed some things from her to help me adjust to getting engaged. I told her that I needed her to be extra loving with me, help with some housework and asked if we could spice up our sex life. The sex life thing may look a bit shallow but I have never been very attracted to her physically and she has some gross vagina issues going on that really turned me off. She never really gave any of these effort and kinda shrugged them off and turned a blind eye to my needs while she was dress shopping and looking for houses for us to move to. We both agreed that we would have a destination wedding and then come back and have a huge party for friends and family. It seems that she wasnt thinking very clearly as she would make strange requests like she wanted our parents to come to the destination when it was clear that her parents are divorced and will not talk to eachother and I told her that and she started crying. I told her it would be great if she would pick a destinations and we would talk about which ones would make me the most comfortable with my anxiety. She is the planner so i thought that this would work out well. Well she never did that but she did manage to buy a dress. She then told me that she wanted to have a kid in one year and I told her that we needed time to adjust to marriage and I wasnt sure if I was ready for kids that soon. Finally we started arguing and I was very upset that she didnt even try to help me with the things I asked her for like being more affectionate, housework, and working on our sex life and I snapped and during a fight I told her that I wasn't sure if she was the one for me and I was unsure if I was staying becuase I was afraid of being alone. Things went down hill from there as I got a kidney stone and she said that she emotionally checked out of relationship after I said that to her. Our final breaking point was when we went out to a movie and when we got back home I wanted to have sex and she said no and went to bed and I gave her the silent treatment for until she fell asleep. The next day she wanted to talk bout things and I didnt have any more to give fighting wise and I was still in pain from the kidney stone. She told me she wanted to break up. I moved back home took our two cats and waited to see how things played out. We kept in contact but were just fighting all the time and we both said some horrible things to each other, I told her that she was manipulative and told her to enjoy mediocrity and that I was going to be a shooting star. She told me she hated me and told me that she didnt want to have my kids. I asked her to give it one month and then we could decide what to do and she agreed but then two weeks later she got new cats and told me to get my stuff out of her house that week. This was about 4 months ago and I am still heartbroken and I feel like I messed things up in the relationship and I feel like I lost the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have tried to get her back numerous times and she told me there is no going back. I am crushed and have not been able to get out of my depression.

In my heart I know I wasn't very attracted to her, our sex life was bad and our communication was awful in the last year, but even with that said, I feel like I will never get over her or find someone who will love me like she did.

[metaversus]

Wow this is a tough one. It sounds like she was your first and only relationship, is this correct? So you haven't experienced any other other kind of relationship outside of her. How do you know there is one that could not be better? It sounds like you are still young which is great.

Would you consider yourself to be a physically attractive guy? What do you do for a living? Outside of your relationship with this woman, do you feel good about yourself?

My brother got himself into a similar situation. He is very unhappy in his marriage but he doesn't see a way out because he doesn't know any other kind of life/relationship outside of his wife who he met in High School. Once you become that dependent on someone from a young age it becomes almost impossible to believe in your heart there is any other way. I think now is the time to think about making some big changes in your life. Perhaps like saving money and moving somewhere else. Carpe diem!

[newmoon]

i don't think you lost anyone great. she sounds exactly as you described - manipulative. and her character seems too forceful and domineering. maybe you like that, and that's ok, but find it with a woman who will take charge while still considering your needs. it sounds like she didn't. 4 months is a short time to be separated after such a lengthy time together, so it will take much longer to start feeling better. but i would suggest that you don't pursue her any longer, just give up on her. because the time you are wasting trying to win her back is time you could be spending on rebuilding your life. not only will another relationship come along (they always do) but it'll be with someone better in new ways. it doesn't seem like it now, but it will happen.