Jet Lag Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 So, I get that NC is not to win someone back but to move on with one's life... But I also understand that sometimes NC does bring people back. Can anyone explain how this works? If the idea of NC is to teach us to learn to live without our ex..how would this same idea make them want to reconnect with us?
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 So, I get that NC is not to win someone back but to move on with one's life... But I also understand that sometimes NC does bring people back. Can anyone explain how this works? If the idea of NC is to teach us to learn to live without our ex..how would this same idea make them want to reconnect with us? Simply put, because you become yourself once more. You are no longer the needy and clingy person they didn't adore. You become your own person and become happier with each day. To some of the dumpers, it's hard to try to stay away.
dumbass2 Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 Ditto what DrReplyInRhymes says I allowed myself to change when i was with her and I put her on a pedestal. I did the 3 months NC for me and not in hopes to get her back. I did a lot of self awareness and saw when and how I let things go south with me. I have vowed to myself to never do that again and recognized how I let it happen. When she contacted me back after the 3 months I was not the needy texter and was not all that excited and texting her back as soon as she did. I did not ask questions. I tried to mirror what she would text me. If she was general, I was general back. If she got specific, i would reply specific. If I asked something and did not get a response, I would not flood her with texts. I did not send another text if she failed to respond. We eventually met for lunch and she did realize that I was back to my original, self assertive, confident, non clingy needy self and that I had basically let go of the past relationship. She did try testing by flirting and throwing out a lot of great memories, but that is what they are, memories. Time to continue to move forward.
Mi7522 Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 So, I get that NC is not to win someone back but to move on with one's life... But I also understand that sometimes NC does bring people back. Can anyone explain how this works? If the idea of NC is to teach us to learn to live without our ex..how would this same idea make them want to reconnect with us? If you do NC properly then the power goes to you and then that's when you decide whether or not you want the relationship with her. She no longer wants you in her life so you're only choice is to cease all contact with her
dclan Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 (edited) So, I get that NC is not to win someone back but to move on with one's life... But I also understand that sometimes NC does bring people back. Can anyone explain how this works? If the idea of NC is to teach us to learn to live without our ex..how would this same idea make them want to reconnect with us? To answer your question: 1) No contact is a tool, to help you move on: - You go no contact so, you are not checking his/her social media, calling, and reminding yourself off your ex. - You go no contact to avoid getting news from him/her (is he/she dating someone new? is it serious? etc). - You go no contact to give some space in your mind, so you can focus on other important stuff. No contact is for you, and just for you. So you avoid adding more pain to yourself. Eventually after a period of no contact, you start to get better. You might still remember your ex, but not as much as before. 2) The side effect of no contact: When a breakup happens, the dumpee usually starts calling/texting the dumper all the time. Asking to be friends, asking to meet, asking about their day, etc. The dumpee wants to stay in contact. The dumper on the other hand, wants nothing to do with the dumpee. Yet at some point, when the dumpee applies NC, after a few months, the dumper may wonder why the dumpee hasn't called/texted in a while. They might think you move on. This could make them wonder about your life (after all, if the relationship was serious, they might care about you, even if they no longer want to be in a relationship). A lot of "might, coulds and mays". Obviously, the dumper despite not wanting to be with you, will obviously want to remain being worshipped by you, as some sort of god/godess. Also, since some time has gone by since the break up, they might get hit with a bit of nostalgia. And if they do remember, they'll usually remember the "good parts" of the relationship, not that bad parts that made it end. In some cases Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Again, a lot of "might, coulds and mays". Sometimes. And I mean only, sometimes, the dumper might remember the dumpee. But like I said, its not something that happens all the time, and its not the reason you go No Contact. ---- The truth is that usually, IF the dumper tries to come back, if you applied no contact correctly, you'll be over your dumper. Again, NC isn't for getting the dumper back. Its to help you move on. Edited November 15, 2014 by dclan
dragonfire13 Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 I've personally undergone no contact several times. The main reasons being I don't want to be friends with exes when Im trying to move on, and the majority of my exes have behaved like complete pr*cks and I don't talk to @ssholes. Surprisingly, the no contact/ignoring their efforts at contact has led to apologies, asking for another chance, lengthy emails/texts full of regret etc etc. Whether it's genuine or not, I'm not sure. But it usually comes too little, too late when I've moved on from the situation. But the point it, I think NC is successful because it allows people to take a time out from the situation, gather their thoughts and think more logically once their emotions have cooled down.
Recommended Posts