rodawaybecky Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 Okay so I've been talking to this guy for about a month now, we went on 3 dates last week (all his idea) and they were great! He wouldn't let me pay for anything, he told me how beautiful I looked etc. We kissed and I assumed things were okay. We have texted every day since we first met (usually him initiating the conversation although I have done on occasion also) he would call me on his way home from work and such. It became the norm. After our last date on Friday night, I text him letting him know i had a great time and I appreciated the effort he put into the date (he surprised me with a fun activity) he replied almost immediately and said he had a good time and was glad I enjoyed myself etc. After this point his texts became irregular and now they have stopped completely, no more phone calls, nothing! It's really upset me because I have no idea where I stand. His last text message to me was "been really busy all day, what are you up to?" when I sent a reply He never got back to me. I fear someone else has came along or he's lost interest. I haven't text or called him at all since. It's been almost a week since we spoke. Any ideas or similar situations? Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 He lost interest. Think about it, if he was still interested, he would still be contacting you. I am in the guy's position right now. Been on like 5 or 6 dates with someone, but after the last one, I completely lost interest. My behavior to her is everything you described. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 Yes, unfortunately it seems he's lost interest. BUSY EQUALS NOT INTERESTED. He might have met someone new he's more attracted, or he might have decided he doesn't want to pursue you, who knows. What you do know is that this guy has lost interest, whatever the reason, and you should do the same. Go find someone else to date. Unfortunately, this is very common, and I'm really sorry it happened to you. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 Okay so I've been talking to this guy for about a month now, we went on 3 dates last week (all his idea) and they were great! He wouldn't let me pay for anything, he told me how beautiful I looked etc. We kissed and I assumed things were okay. We have texted every day since we first met (usually him initiating the conversation although I have done on occasion also) he would call me on his way home from work and such. It became the norm. After our last date on Friday night, I text him letting him know i had a great time and I appreciated the effort he put into the date (he surprised me with a fun activity) he replied almost immediately and said he had a good time and was glad I enjoyed myself etc. After this point his texts became irregular and now they have stopped completely, no more phone calls, nothing! It's really upset me because I have no idea where I stand. His last text message to me was "been really busy all day, what are you up to?" when I sent a reply He never got back to me. I fear someone else has came along or he's lost interest. I haven't text or called him at all since. It's been almost a week since we spoke. Any ideas or similar situations? Ugh, I'm so sorry. This has happened to me several times. With one guy it was about five dates and then nothing. That one actually resurfaced a few months later, only to disappear after another two dates. Only one guy who lost interest after three dates ever came back with an explanation. OH WELL. Go NC. You may hear from him again, at which point you can decide what do to. Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 It happens to us all a guy was pursuing me for months I finally reply and nothing from him,there's not much you can do. There's lots of other boys to choose from. Link to post Share on other sites
Blakely Posted November 14, 2014 Share Posted November 14, 2014 It sucks when this happens. Usually when they come on strong at first, they're men looking to fill a void of some sort. Never had intentions for anything serious or long term. That's why I never agree to meet a guy more than once a week the first month or so. He could have a legit reason, you know, may've been kidnapped or went into a deep coma for a week. bottom line is that I's inconsiderate, and never excusable! Thankfully he did it sooner than later! If he reappears, his pattern will continue. If your cool with him doing this to you again, then by all means go on another date if he asks. Otherwise, move on and meet a real man! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 3 dates is still the "feeling out" phase. So they went on 3 dates, and maybe something came out (topic of conversation, religion, whatever) and he had a change of heart. Was he obligated to continue pursuing her? But that's what the first few dates are; to get a feel for each other. Sometimes stuff don't work out, and that's just how it is. Just because a guy pursued a girl because he was interested, he's suppose to continue pursuing when something made him change his mind? Let me give a example: Let's say Guy A is interested in Girl B, and Guy A finds out on the 4th date, Girl B is a racist (suppose she made a side comment or whatever). Is Guy A obligated to continue pursuing her because they are 4 dates in? Clearly the answer is no. If Guy A finds her opinion distasteful why would he even bother? The point is you can't possible know enough to make a decision on whether you want a committed relationship with this person on the first few dates. You will probably leave knowing that there is potential and enough to continue or not. And what? In the example above, is Guy A suppose to call the Girl B to let her know he is not interested? That can come off condescending at worst and awkward as hell at best. I guess Guy A can casually call Girl B, "sorry you're a racist, lost interested. k bye". If there is no communication in 3 days, it's mutually understood it's not worth continuing. Link to post Share on other sites
mysteryscape Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 He may be afraid of what he thinks he was getting himself into, in which case he might come back. But don't count on it. Or, he may have just lost interest, in which case, he's gone. Or it might be some combination of getting cold feet and losing interest. Too bad if it happened to you, I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 @OP.....any chance he got to 3rd base? If so, then that might explain the radio silent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
venusishername Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 @OP.....any chance he got to 3rd base? If so, then that might explain the radio silent. Unfortunately I think this is the reason many men do the dip. Not saying the OP did that, but I know from experience that sex too soon is often the kiss of death. I agree with the others that after three dates and no contact from him other than a lame text, then it's simply a matter of losing interest, or he met someone else, he's not ready, he didn't think it was a good fit, who knows. Happens to all of us and it sucks when it seemed genuine and like things were going well in your view. Link to post Share on other sites
SunnySide0418 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 No matter what the reason he should have told her something and not just disappeared. I couldn't do that to another person. All he had to do was send a text. It's cruel to just disappear on a person leaving them wondering what happened .. Link to post Share on other sites
mrgoodcat Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Yeah, that sucks. Sure, if the sex was terrible, that's a big problem. I don't know how sex can be bad though... Btw, sex on a 3rd date doesn't seem too soon if you're not looking for anything serious. Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 No matter what the reason he should have told her something and not just disappeared. I couldn't do that to another person. All he had to do was send a text. It's cruel to just disappear on a person leaving them wondering what happened .. So what do you suggest the guy text her? "I am no longer interested. Good luck."? The girl could text back, "What happened? I thought things were going great." and now he has to validate himself and that in itself can turn into an awkward situation/conversation. Sometimes things are better left unsaid and move on. It's not like they were official and he needs to break it off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LisaSmith_1970 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Yeah, he probably lost interest/didn't feel like you weren't for him. It happens alot, the dating world really sucks. If you really want to know the answer, you could straight up ask him if he's no longer interested. You can probably have some closure and move on to find a better guy than him. I mean, after 3 great dates, I would think he would give you some sort of explanation. Usually, for me, I go on a first date-nice conversation, getting to know each, no kiss, then BAM-I never heard from him again-he's done. Typically "first date" I don't expect an answer. But 3 dates and after all that lovely-dovey stuff like talking the on phone every day and texting, etc, etc. He just left out in the cold! Its cruel. Link to post Share on other sites
goldbond Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 So what do you suggest the guy text her? "I am no longer interested. Good luck."? The girl could text back, "What happened? I thought things were going great." and now he has to validate himself and that in itself can turn into an awkward situation/conversation. Sometimes things are better left unsaid and move on. It's not like they were official and he needs to break it off. Simply saying, 'I am not attracted to you anymore/didn't feel the spark' is fine. I've been doing that with men lately and they've been receptive to it and they all appreciated me being upfront with it. Not a single one has asked me 'why'. I wish people would communicate these things more and save the headache for the daters. Way too many people pull the fade-away or string along. Lame and rude! Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 (edited) Simply saying, 'I am not attracted to you anymore/didn't feel the spark' is fine. I've been doing that with men lately and they've been receptive to it and they all appreciated me being upfront with it. Not a single one has asked me 'why'. I wish people would communicate these things more and save the headache for the daters. Way too many people pull the fade-away or string along. Lame and rude! Generally, guys can take a rejection better than girls without asking why. Guys normally do the asking out, and unless you look like Brad Pitt, they have experienced rejection before. Don't think it would be that easy telling a girl you aren't interested without her asking "why? what changed?" etc. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's just more likely. Edited November 15, 2014 by J21 Link to post Share on other sites
LisaSmith_1970 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 Generally, guys can take a rejection better than girls without asking why. Guys normally do the asking out, and unless you look like Brad Pitt, they have experienced rejection before. Don't think it would be that easy telling a girl you aren't interested without her asking "why? what changed?" etc. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's just more likely. Yes, that's soo true. I always ask a guy, "why." Link to post Share on other sites
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