Vices-Virtues Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 My boyfriend says that he needs space for guitar.. Because since we been together he hasn't got to play guitar as much as he wanted. We have been together for 2 years. He says that he wants NC until he gets "bored" with guitar. The only contact he wants is when we are at school and once a week we hang out. I understand, but I also don't understand. We went from hanging out basically everyday to once a week. He says he can't play when I'm around because I'm a distraction. He is isolating himself from the world, literally. He mom loves me and she said that he just sits in his room all day and play guitar and piano. He said I will be the happiest girl in the world once he does what he can accomplish. When we talk at school it's just joking around, no holding hands, no kissing, barely any skin contact. It makes me feel unwanted. I told him that I feel unwanted. I told him what If not spending time with you makes me lose hope for us and me wanting you, he told me when I see him at school all he has to do is smile and I'll be better. Which is true, but when we depart I feel so lonely. Idk what to do , do I give him his space he needs? Or what? I don't have friends, I isolate myself from everyone because he is all I need
ExpatInItaly Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 My boyfriend says that he needs space for guitar.. Because since we been together he hasn't got to play guitar as much as he wanted. We have been together for 2 years. He says that he wants NC until he gets "bored" with guitar. The only contact he wants is when we are at school and once a week we hang out. I understand, but I also don't understand. We went from hanging out basically everyday to once a week. He says he can't play when I'm around because I'm a distraction. He is isolating himself from the world, literally. He mom loves me and she said that he just sits in his room all day and play guitar and piano. He said I will be the happiest girl in the world once he does what he can accomplish. When we talk at school it's just joking around, no holding hands, no kissing, barely any skin contact. It makes me feel unwanted. I told him that I feel unwanted. I told him what If not spending time with you makes me lose hope for us and me wanting you, he told me when I see him at school all he has to do is smile and I'll be better. Which is true, but when we depart I feel so lonely. Idk what to do , do I give him his space he needs? Or what? I don't have friends, I isolate myself from everyone because he is all I need This is extremely unhealthy, and now you're seeing the consequences. You absolutely cannot build your whole life on one person, because when they leave, you're left with nothing. He is not all you need and telling yourself otherwise is very emotionally damaging. I say consider the relationship over. Don't let yourself be his back-up plan for when he gets "bored" of guitar. I would probably laugh in a guy's face if they had the balls they wanted to be no contact until they got bored of their toy.. He doesn't want to be in this relationship but wants you on the back-burner. I'm guessing there's more to this request for space than you realize. He's a crappy boyfriend. Time to move on. By the way, I'm guessing from your post that you're quite young. Mind if I ask your and his ages?
d0nnivain Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 Nobody needs that much space to play the guitar. An hour a day, fine. To say he wants NC until he gets bored of the guitar is ridiculous. Your isolation from everybody except him is more likely what is driving him away. You need to assume that he will never be bored of the guitar & that he's not coming back. You don't see it now, but that is a blessing in disguise. You need to go out & make friends, develop hobbies & become a self sufficient independent person.
Author Vices-Virtues Posted November 14, 2014 Author Posted November 14, 2014 I'm 17 he will be 18 in feb. He doesn't want to break up . He says that I don't understand what means but I do and I know him he will never get tired of the damn thing. He says that I make him feel content which means I make him feel whole he said. He said he needs to focus on the guitar because he wants to accomplish being a guitar musician.
d0nnivain Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 I didn't realize that you were teenagers. I actually feel much better now because there is still hope. Talk to him. Explain that you support his desire to be a musician & you understand that requires a lot of practice. Then explain that it doesn't have to be one or the other. You two should be able to talk regularly & see each other at least once per week for a date. Meanwhile you do need to make friends of your own & get yourself some hobbies & interests. When you do those things you will feel better about a lot of things.
Author Vices-Virtues Posted November 14, 2014 Author Posted November 14, 2014 I didn't realize that you were teenagers. I actually feel much better now because there is still hope. Talk to him. Explain that you support his desire to be a musician & you understand that requires a lot of practice. Then explain that it doesn't have to be one or the other. You two should be able to talk regularly & see each other at least once per week for a date. Meanwhile you do need to make friends of your own & get yourself some hobbies & interests. When you do those things you will feel better about a lot of things. He said we could see each other once a week.. But it's hard for me because we used to spend everyday together and now it's dropped to once a week.
Brimstone Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 I can weigh in on this being a professional guitarist myself. Let's just say I didn't get laid very much in High-School because I was obsessed with playing and practicing. It's how you become good. But I prioritized the music. I didn't actively go out and seek out a girlfriend in those years(I probably should have). Anyway. If he seriously considers this a career path it takes determination and serious commitment/practice. But if he said he expects to get bored of the guitar, he probably has no future as a professional(make money solely from playing). Also, can't play when you're there? Seriously? I could practice while watching TV or even have a meaningful conversation with someone. That's not a real excuse. A pro-guitarist has to be able to "multitask". Unless he's a beginner, he should be able hang out and practice at the same time(technique) You need to talk and clear the air thoroughly for this relationship to work. My 2¢. Good luck, hope it works out!
d0nnivain Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 He doesn't get to dictate terms in your relationship. If you don't like what he's offering, walk away. Yes, I know that is hard but you have to learn to set boundaries in your relationships. Being in a bad relationship can actually be worse then being alone. If you are voluntarily willing to go along with his plan of once per week, you are going to have to come up with ways to entertain yourself the other 6 days. That will entail making new friends & getting involved in other activities.
Recommended Posts