misty12 Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 I'm at a crossroads in my relationship with my husband. We both contributed to the breakdown in our marriage, but I'm having a hard time getting over some of the cruel things he had said to me during his angry tantrums. For example, he once told me I should just do everyone a favor and shoot myself, because I couldn't find my car registration. Another time he told me I was severely mentally retarded and should be sitting there drooling on myself, all because we had to go back to our hotel room when I left something there. He has gotten much better since I set boundaries and he now realizes he could lose me. He has been a much more helpful and caring husband. But how do I ever get over those nasty words? Should I even try?
whichwayisup Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 I'm at a crossroads in my relationship with my husband. We both contributed to the breakdown in our marriage, but I'm having a hard time getting over some of the cruel things he had said to me during his angry tantrums. For example, he once told me I should just do everyone a favor and shoot myself, because I couldn't find my car registration. Another time he told me I was severely mentally retarded and should be sitting there drooling on myself, all because we had to go back to our hotel room when I left something there. He has gotten much better since I set boundaries and he now realizes he could lose me. He has been a much more helpful and caring husband. But how do I ever get over those nasty words? Should I even try? How long ago did you set boundaries? He still has anger issues, that hasn't gone away.
CrystalCastles Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 For example, he once told me I should just do everyone a favor and shoot myself, because I couldn't find my car registration. Another time he told me I was severely mentally retarded and should be sitting there drooling on myself, all because we had to go back to our hotel room when I left something there. Good God. I read that and my mouth dropped open. If someone repeatedly kept telling me that, I'd be gone. How a man can tell his wife, for f**k's sake, to shoot herself because she can't find her car registration is completely beyond me. Sorry but I think he is the mentally retarded one. Nobody should be saying those things to someone they claim to love, in anger or otherwise. Has he been to therapy? I think he needs it pronto. Does he have past issues that make him think saying these unacceptable and horrid things is ok? 1
Tayken Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 but I'm having a hard time getting over some of the cruel things he had said to me during his angry tantrums. @OP...I am sorry to hear about your situation, and there is no need for people to resort to such name calling in situations like this. However, The reason for this stems from lack of mutual respect for each other. You did admit that the breakdown is both your faults, but perhaps you said things to him during your anger that you haven't mentioned here? This could have sparked his actions. My ex called me a lot of things but I never took the bait because am bigger than that. Name calling has never been thing, and that is why moving forward I have such things on my 'list'. Communication is key for me, a non-swearing person, and mutual respect mean lots to me before looks. Looks without all this is useless It's clear to me that respect is missing from your relationship, and communication is a good place to start. Good luck but if it doesn't change, get out of that relationship for the good of both of you.
Author misty12 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Posted November 14, 2014 (edited) It was about a year ago I set boundaries. In the beginning of the relationship I would hurl insults right back at him, which only made things worse. Then over time I became numb to it and didn't even recognize when he was doing it. He has a neurotic personality type and therefore does not handle stress very well. He tends towards depression and anxiety and often experiences feelings of shame and inadequacy. He is on SSRI's which have taken the edge off, but the problem is still there. He went to 2 therapy sessions, deemed it useless and quit. He also is immature in many ways. The overall language he uses, and his sense of humor. I feel the reason he respects me know is because he knows I have one foot out the door of the marriage. But once things get comfortable again, will the behavior come back? Edited November 14, 2014 by misty12
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