simplicity1 Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 Hey folks, I met a guy on OKC and we agreed to do a sporting activity in a larger group last night (I wrote a thing in my OKC about how I don't really like traditional dates). Anyway, mostly I was excited to find someone else to do the sport with, but to my surprise I was actually not a little but very attracted to him. I regretted this being our first meeting, and would have rathered an environment where we could talk more deeply. In any case he left it with me as 'well im in the gym all the time so im sure we'll see each other more' and I said 'we should get coffee in our [school campus] neighborhood sometime' and it was all chill and thumbs up. I texted him today around 3:30 asking if he was feeling like grabbing a coffee in the next few hours, and as of 9:50, no response I did notice that he has not logged into OKC all day... I know all the obvious words- the 'just accept it, if he were excited he would have responded quickly' and the 'whatever, it's been a number of hours, he hasn't logged into OKC, he was probably just busy' and the 'you're freaking out and taking this too seriously way too early' but despite knowing all of that I'm still coming here for some support....for this time and for the future, what is the best and healthiest train of thought during experiences like this? Thanks!
endlessabyss Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 Hey folks, I met a guy on OKC and we agreed to do a sporting activity in a larger group last night (I wrote a thing in my OKC about how I don't really like traditional dates). Anyway, mostly I was excited to find someone else to do the sport with, but to my surprise I was actually not a little but very attracted to him. I regretted this being our first meeting, and would have rathered an environment where we could talk more deeply. In any case he left it with me as 'well im in the gym all the time so im sure we'll see each other more' and I said 'we should get coffee in our [school campus] neighborhood sometime' and it was all chill and thumbs up. I texted him today around 3:30 asking if he was feeling like grabbing a coffee in the next few hours, and as of 9:50, no response I did notice that he has not logged into OKC all day... I know all the obvious words- the 'just accept it, if he were excited he would have responded quickly' and the 'whatever, it's been a number of hours, he hasn't logged into OKC, he was probably just busy' and the 'you're freaking out and taking this too seriously way too early' but despite knowing all of that I'm still coming here for some support....for this time and for the future, what is the best and healthiest train of thought during experiences like this? Thanks! If he doesn't respond, it's his loss
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 The best train of thought and practice is to simply move on and distract yourself... because you're putting too much emotion and investment here too early on. It's hard when you really like someone but the more you can focus and concentrate on something else the better...because you don't want to be second-guessing yourself and coming off too interested and clingy...you've just met the person, give yourself the time and a steady pace for things to happen naturally rather than trying to hold his attention. I'm pretty sure everybody goes through this at one time or another and the your natural reaction is to like find out if the person is interested and wants to see you again, but you've got to cool off or you risk messing it up by flipping out over it. You already know you'll see him again and where he's going to be...chill out and let him get back to you, unfortunately he may just be playing it cool...if he doesn't contact you within a few more days then he's likely not interested but then again you can always see him again at the gym...that's your advantage.
Jules Dash Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 You have a very common scenario and know all of the common but very valid responses but you are looking for more comfort outside what you already know? You're freaking out and taking this too serious way too early.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 he left it with me as 'well im in the gym all the time so im sure we'll see each other more' and I said 'we should get coffee in our [school campus] neighborhood sometime' So... he basically leaves the next get-together up in the air, the first clue he's not excited about you. And you counter by making your interest very clear by suggesting a next date. So the balance is already off here, I'm sorry to say. I texted him today around 3:30 asking if he was feeling like grabbing a coffee in the next few hours, and as of 9:50, no response The calming words would be "maybe he didn't get your text". It happened to me recently, where a text that I sent a guy from OLD never went through, so he assumed I wasn't interested - but he did follow up the next day to make sure. But this is unlikely. More likely is, again, he isn't that interested. what is the best and healthiest train of thought during experiences like this? "It's good that he's making it clear now that he's not that into me, because this saves me a lot of time, energy, and emotional angst later, after going through months or even years with a guy I really like, but who isn't that into me." Trust me, it's much better that he makes this clear NOW, before you get emotionally invested. It's nothing personal. On to the next date!
Author simplicity1 Posted November 14, 2014 Author Posted November 14, 2014 thanks for the helpful replies guys. I'm tempted to text again some other day to see if he's up for coffee..is that crazy/useless or worth another attempt?
Ruby Slippers Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 I'm tempted to text again some other day to see if he's up for coffee..is that crazy/useless or worth another attempt? If you're OK pursuing the man. Personally, I wouldn't bother because I'm only interested in men who like me enough to ask me out.
irresolute Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 Do NEVER text a guy after a first date. He is the one who should text you. Some would say I'm exagerating or that is not true, but IT IS. You don't know if the guy wanted to pursue you. And guys hate clingy women. Let him chase you, you are the price. Guys love the chase. Do not text him again.If he doesn't text you back, you have your answer. If he does, do not propose a second date! That's his job, not yours! and please, do something more feminine next time, it's not very attractive to see a woman sweating or without makeup on a first date. You are about to be friendzoned in 3, 2, ...
irresolute Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 Honey, he might not have logged on OKC because he might not have wanted to cross paths with you, or maybe because he wants to pursue someone else but he doesn't want to act like a jacka..ss logging in so soon. Forget about this one.
losangelena Posted November 14, 2014 Posted November 14, 2014 and please, do something more feminine next time, it's not very attractive to see a woman sweating or without makeup on a first date. You are about to be friendzoned in 3, 2, ... That's pretty outdated thinking if you ask me. If a guy is into sporty chicks, who cares? There's not one type of woman or one scenario that all men find attractive. 1
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