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Wrong Presentation...

Gloria25

By Gloria25
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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted (edited)

Ok,

 

The other day there was a tread about a FWB who decided she wanted more, but too late, the guy already checked out (not sure if he was just done and/or seeing someone else).

 

Well, I replied to the thread advising the OP there that it may not be possible to turn this around cuz she already started off the RL with this guy by presenting herself as FWB and he already put her in that "category" per se.

 

So, I was chatting with a gf and I wonder if I need to present myself in a different light with a guy I'm interested in until I find out more about him.

 

I mean, usually I tell guys that I'm 'Down for something casual, but wouldn't turn down something serious if the opportunity presents itself'.

 

And, that's the truth. I'm not looking for kids and a white picket fence. I already have my own stuff. I'm not looking to date multiple guys at the same time. I just want more than a ONS. I wouldn't shoot down a FWB, but not a fan of those really - but seems like that's the closest I can get to being with a guy who wants to date casually w/o it being a ONS or marriage.

 

My issue is, I don't want to be put in "X" box by the guy and if I see potential for something more, it's too late cuz he already does not sees me as more than a FWB - worst, he might think "Well, why would I take seriously a woman who's dated married guys and/or would put herself in a FWB category?"...

 

So, do I need to change the way I present what I'm looking for? I'm a big girl now, I'm direct, and I believe that at least by the 3rd date and/or before sex happens the "What are you looking for?" talk should happen.

 

Thanks, :)

Edited by Gloria25
cif Established Member

cif

Posted
Posted

What it sounds like youre saying is: im looking for something serious but would "settle" for fwb. Well which is it? What are you looking for? If what you really want is something serious, go for that from the start.

 

Personally, i cant have sex unless im already exclusive with a guy. But if you can have an FWB on the side while dating around, hell why not!

 

To answer your question, most of my guy friends put women in boxes.. We are one or the other.

  • Like 3
Tayken Established Member

Tayken

Posted
Posted

Well...I hope you don't actually utter to a guy that you are down "for whatever". This could end up biting you in the backside, and although you might get that initially thrill, you can expect the guy to perceive you as someone that offers it to everyone really...which by the sound of your post, is how that comes across.

 

Yes the talk does need to happen, and it is then that you can sort out the path in which you want your meetings to go down.

 

Like you, I am not looking for marriage or anything serious, but will sign up for a healthy FWB anytime whilst treating it with respect. It will be a win-win, and we will end up doing more than married couples do, but with no strings attached.

  • Like 1
writergal Established Member

writergal

Posted
Posted

I can't do the FWB thing because I'm an "attacher." Ha, ha! Sex seals the deal for this gal, which is why I wait until I know I'm in an exclusive relationship before I give the goods up.

 

If you want to avoid being zoned to the "casual relationship" Gloria my friend, then I would delete this sentence from your vocabulary: "Down for something casual, but wouldn't turn down something serious if the opportunity presents itself."

 

That way, you take out the casual relationship option immediately and have a better chance of having a serious relationship instead.

 

If it's true what cif said about men putting women in boxes (casual or exclusive), then pick a box, and make sure your actions and words reflect it, so the guy knows what your end goal with him is.

  • Like 3
writergal Established Member

writergal

Posted
Posted
What's FWB?

 

With a member name like yours, methinks you know...Freckles Wrinkles Beards

  • Like 1
  • Author
Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
  • Author
Posted
What's FWB?

 

"Friends With Benefits", like you have sex with someone, may even go out for a movie, dinner, etc. - but not committed.

Mangina Established Member

Mangina

Posted
Posted
"Friends With Benefits", like you have sex with someone, may even go out for a movie, dinner, etc. - but not committed.

 

Isn't that how dating starts?

writergal Established Member

writergal

Posted
Posted

Oh really? I thought FWB meant:

 

Free Will Baptist

 

Fresh Whole Blood

 

Fort Walton Beach

 

Fur Wool Brand

 

Freight Weigh Bill

 

Frankenstein Won't Budge

  • Like 1
mammasita Established Member

mammasita

Posted
Posted

I would never say that......I think we're the same age OP or I'm a bit older (38). I make sure men know my intent is a relationship <or insert your intent here>. That doesn't mean I'm rushing or want it in 2 weeks, for example, but that means without any question they aren't gettting anywhere with me without some "direction" and absolutely never FWB.

CrystalCastles Established Member

CrystalCastles

Posted
Posted

If you want to avoid being zoned to the "casual relationship" Gloria my friend, then I would delete this sentence from your vocabulary: "Down for something casual, but wouldn't turn down something serious if the opportunity presents itself."

 

That way, you take out the casual relationship option immediately and have a better chance of having a serious relationship instead.

 

Agreed. Gloria, if you're looking for a serious relationship and you're not a fan of FWBs, then by all means, don't do casual! You shouldn't have to compromise like that in the hopes that the guy will change his mind or something. I know its frustrating to go long times without love and sex but its more worth it than if you enter an FWB, catch feelings for the guy and he dumps you.

 

Oh really? I thought FWB meant:

 

Free Will Baptist

 

Fresh Whole Blood

 

Fort Walton Beach

 

Fur Wool Brand

 

Freight Weigh Bill

 

Frankenstein Won't Budge

 

No no, its "Frank Wants Blowjobs".

  • Like 2
writergal Established Member

writergal

Posted
Posted
Agreed. Gloria, if you're looking for a serious relationship and you're not a fan of FWBs, then by all means, don't do casual! You shouldn't have to compromise like that in the hopes that the guy will change his mind or something. I know its frustrating to go long times without love and sex but its more worth it than if you enter an FWB, catch feelings for the guy and he dumps you.

 

 

 

No no, its "Frank Wants Blowjobs".

 

:lmao::lmao: of course he does!

  • Like 2
Assasda Established Member

Assasda

Posted
Posted
Ok,

 

The other day there was a tread about a FWB who decided she wanted more, but too late, the guy already checked out (not sure if he was just done and/or seeing someone else).

 

Well, I replied to the thread advising the OP there that it may not be possible to turn this around cuz she already started off the RL with this guy by presenting herself as FWB and he already put her in that "category" per se.

 

So, I was chatting with a gf and I wonder if I need to present myself in a different light with a guy I'm interested in until I find out more about him.

 

I mean, usually I tell guys that I'm 'Down for something casual, but wouldn't turn down something serious if the opportunity presents itself'.

 

And, that's the truth. I'm not looking for kids and a white picket fence. I already have my own stuff. I'm not looking to date multiple guys at the same time. I just want more than a ONS. I wouldn't shoot down a FWB, but not a fan of those really - but seems like that's the closest I can get to being with a guy who wants to date casually w/o it being a ONS or marriage.

 

My issue is, I don't want to be put in "X" box by the guy and if I see potential for something more, it's too late cuz he already does not sees me as more than a FWB - worst, he might think "Well, why would I take seriously a woman who's dated married guys and/or would put herself in a FWB category?"...

 

So, do I need to change the way I present what I'm looking for? I'm a big girl now, I'm direct, and I believe that at least by the 3rd date and/or before sex happens the "What are you looking for?" talk should happen.

 

Thanks, :)

 

All of what you said in the beginning contradicts what you say at the end

  • Author
Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Ummm, well thanks everyone for the comments...

 

I guess I need to reconsider how I explain what I'm looking for.

 

But yeah, on top of stress and/or putting career, family, education and other stuff as a priority instead of RLs...the downside of going for the casual thing is another reason I just prefer to go into droughts here and there.

 

I have my times I rather be alone than having to deal with dating and stuff. I mean, I can go out and get laid right now...but, not looking for that.

 

I still have doubts though if I'm gonna be able to find someone who will date me on the regular w/o expecting kids or marriage. I mean, I wouldn't mind getting married - but, I haven't really seen people marry unless kids are part of the picture. :confused:

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