i'm a masochist... need to vent

[Eighty_nine]

I've done something so horrible I can't even tell my best friend about it (and I tell her EVERYTHING). I just texted my ex, who I've been no contact with for nine weeks, "hey".

 

The reason for this, other than I obviously love to suffer? Another person sort of broke my heart recently. It never really got very far and I sort of sabotaged it, but i REALLY liked this person and I am hurting big time about it. As much as I did over him? Definitely not.

 

For the most part, I do feel "over" this ex, and it's almost like I had this compulsion to text him just to test that... to test myself and my level of healing. I am without a doubt 1000% better than I was two months ago, even if I'm not completely over him.

 

The positive thing about this, if there is one, is I have not gotten a response (it's been 25 minutes) and I'm not losing my mind. In fact, if he doesn't respond, I won't be hurt at all. However I WILL give myself a hard time about compromising my pride and making contact. But I feel like in some way making this mistake could be good for me... is there anyway it might help?!

 

PS.... my plan for if he did respond was to just be totally friendly and platonic- "how are you" and such, and leave it there. I do NOT want to start anything up with him again.

Edited November 13, 2014 by lissvarna

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Well, let's see, let's state the obvious and go from there,

You just texted your ex, but you say you don't care.

Yet, here you are, posting on a forum about him,

And even half an hour later, you're thinking on a whim.

 

Be honest with yourself, maybe you aren't over him yet,

There's a reason you texted, and you're still waiting for a reply I bet.

Rationalizing your feelings is a mistake that even I've made,

Learn to accept that you still need to heal, and let this slip up fade.

 

 

 

On a comedic note, I will have to admit,

I think I'd laugh my ass off if we saw a thread about it.

Go check the breakup forum in the next hour or two, someone may say

about the breadcrumb they got, and how they didn't respond that day!

[Zahara]

PS.... my plan for if he did respond was to just be totally friendly and platonic- "how are you" and such, and leave it there. I do NOT want to start anything up with him again.

 

If this is the guy you texted --

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/492406-absolutely-must-go-nc-will-kill-me --

 

then your plan should be to just ignore and keep moving on, if he responds. There is no need to be friendly or platonic to someone that treated you badly. You made a mistake. Leave it be and move forward.

[sooshi]

"I've done something so horrible I can't even tell my best friend about it (and I tell her EVERYTHING)."

 

I thought you were going to write about a violent act you committed, or an affair you've been in.

 

You're make this into something much bigger than it is. Let's be realistic. How horrible is it to say "hey" to someone?

 

If you're not happy then you did it, then work on accepting that you did it. You're not "over" him yet, because you posted about doing something so terrible that you can't even tell your best friend about it. You told a guy, "hey." If you think that's terrible, then you're really, absolutely far away from being detached from him.

[Eighty_nine]

Well, what I will say is it's several hours later and he did not respond, clearly is not going to... And honestly, I just noticed how much time had passed! I won't say I don't care that I got no response but my reactivity about it is so, so much less. I had a great night without even worrying about it.

 

While I still wouldn't recommend breaking no contact, maybe there's a silver lining in realizing how you're not devastated when they don't pay you any attention.